Ask Someone to Be Your Mentor

Finding a mentor can be highly beneficial when making major academic, career, or life choices. However, identifying and asking someone to be your mentor might seem to be a scary or even awkward process. However, you can secure a mentor who can help you achieve your goals if you do the proper research, make a connection, and do your part in fostering a healthy and mutually beneficial relationship.

Steps

Establishing A Connection

1. Choose carefully. In selecting a potential mentor, be sure to select with care. Search for someone whose work aligns closely with your own career goals if you are looking for a professional mentor. If looking for someone to provide more general support, look for individuals with strong moral character who live lives that you hope to emulate. Consider making a list of two or three names.
   • For instance, if you are looking to receive mentorship in your goal of becoming a marine biologist, see if there are any local to you, at your University, or if your friends or family have any connections to someone in this career.
   • For more general life mentorship, you might choose someone you admire from your community or place of worship.
2. Do your research on the person. After you have selected your potential mentor, do your research on them. When you do finally connect, you will be more confident and have more to talk about. Find out what work they have done in the past, any awards or accolades they have received, and their general life trajectory that led them to this point.
   • You can do a simple Google search to find this information. You can also look on their social media accounts or the websites of their current or past employers or schools.
3. Establish a relationship. Perhaps the person you are hoping will mentor you is your professor or upper level staff person where you work. Begin establishing a relationship with them in small but meaningful ways. Visit office hours and talk about your research. Find ways to interact with your potential mentor at work, such as by attending trainings that they are leading or other functions that they might attend.

Discussing the Mentorship

1. Send a succinct email. Overly long messages tend to get ignored more often than succinctly worded ones. Send them a short and to the point email introducing yourself, referencing some of their work that you admire, asking for what you want from them, and requesting a meeting or a phone call.
   • Your email might read “Dear Dr. Locklear, I’m reaching out to let you know that I am fascinated with your work on the dialects of North Carolina. I hope to do work that is very similar one day and I am hoping to find someone assist me in this journey. I was wondering if you would consider being my mentor and if so, could we meet for 15-20 minutes this week or next?”
   • Be sure to know their title. Don’t call them Mrs. if they are a Dr.
2. Make the subject line eye-catching. Before sending the email, ensure that the subject line is attention grabbing. Avoid generic and vague email subjects like “Hello” or “From a Fan.” Use this opportunity to create something eye-catching so that it won’t go ignored.
   • An example could be “Inspired by Your Research on Cultural Appropriation”.
3. Accommodate their schedule. It will be up to you to rearrange your schedule to make this meeting happen. If they can only meet after 5PM, but you don’t like to meet that late, you may have to just bite the bullet in this instance. It is very likely that your potential mentor has a packed schedule, so them making any room for you at all should be celebrated.
   • Go to their office; do not ask that they come to you.
4. Enter with confidence. When you enter the meeting, no matter how short it is, be prepared and be sure to have notes with questions you may have. Shake their hand firmly, come well dressed, and try to speak slowly and assertively.
   • Avoid rambling and don’t interrupt them when they are speaking.
5. Get to the point and avoid endless small talk. Once you are in the meeting, reiterate and expound on your wishes for them to mentor you. Talk about your interests and goals and how and how much you admire their research, work ethic, or any other positive characteristics you would like to highlight.
   • You might say “Thank you again so much for agreeing to meet with me. As I mentioned in my email, I notice how people really gravitate to you and how well respected you are in the community. I really would like to be more like that as I grow. I am hoping that you can mentor me and that we can perhaps set up a lunch or meeting once per month?”
6. Talk about how they can help you. Discuss concrete ways that you would like for them to be able to guide you in your life or career trajectory. Perhaps you are looking for advice on the best medical schools to apply to and how to be successful throughout your studies. Tell them this. Discuss also any ways that you might be able to assist them with their work.
7. Keep it short. Though you are sure to be bursting with ideas and questions, honor the time commitment that you asked for, unless they ask you to stay longer. You do not want to keep them from other assignments or meetings that they must attend.
   • Wear a watch to keep track of time or set an alarm on your phone.

Making the Most of the Relationship

1. Follow up. After you have met with them, send them an email and include a thank you note. You can also mention a reminder of any next steps that the two of you discussed, how they helped you, and any resources you made mention of.
2. Plan for your level of commitment. If they have agreed to serve as your mentor, then you will now need to begin formalizing your relationship. Think about the amount of time and commitment that you and your mentor have. Perhaps you might ask for a lunch meeting that lasts one hour per month or a thirty minute phone call every few months.
3. Do the work and follow through. Once you begin to meet with your mentor or speak to them regularly, they will likely begin imparting invaluable life and career advice to you. Honor their time and wisdom by following their advice. If they feel that you never take the advice that they give you, they won’t feel that their role as a mentor is very effective and may want to stop making the effort.
4. Ask what you can do for them. Some mentors may come right out and ask you for things like help with their social media accounts. However, others might not be comfortable asking but might readily accept help if offered. When receiving help from your mentor, don’t forget to give them help in return. Always ask “Is there anything that I can do to help you?” or “Would you like some help with that?”
   • If you agree to do something for them, you should follow through on your promise so that they view you as diligent, dependable, and trustworthy.
5. Use them as a resource. If you are at a crossroads in your academic, career, or life journey, use them for advice on how to proceed. Perhaps you are considering taking a gap year to backpack through London or are considering turning down a summer internship. Get their feedback about any potentially important decisions that you might make and allow them to truly mentor you.
6. Thank them. The work and time of a mentor can truly benefit you in ways that other relationships cannot. Thank them for all of the help, advice, and connections they have provided you with and realize that you might not have the level of success that you have without them. Thank them each time you speak to them and consider writing them a card once a year or so to show your appreciation.
7. Don’t hound them. Perhaps you have found a good match in your mentoring relationship and are very satisfied with your dynamic. But perhaps they never emailed you back after you sent a follow up email or they expressed that they do not want to be your mentor. Do not pressure them to change their mind or meet with you. Find another mentor who will be willing to help.

Sources and Citations

See also

• Persuade People
• Empower Employees
• Delegate
• Manage People
• Be a CEO
• Imitate a Person You Admire
• Effectively Lead Groups
• Be a Leader
• Be a Good Person That People Look up To
• Develop a Mentoring Plan

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