Be Sensual
Being sensual means getting pleasure from the physical world, and taking the time to indulge in the senses. Though people think that being sensual has a sexual connotation, it doesn't have to be that way; taking the time to enjoy a fresh croissant filled with butter in the middle of a busy morning can be just as sensual as giving your partner a massage after work. The important thing is to slow down and enjoy the physical sensations around you instead of rushing about your day. If you want to know how to be more sensual, see Step 1 to get started.
Contents
Steps
Part One: Getting in the Right Mindset
- Don't equate sensuality with sexuality. While sensuality can enhance sexuality, it can also be non-sexual. Stop thinking about sensuality as having to do only with sex and consider all of the other ways that you can be sensual; standing in the middle of a downpour, dipping strawberries in chocolate, or closing your eyes and listening to your favorite classical music. Once you let go of your preconceptions about what it means to be sensual, you can feel more freed about your own personal exploration.
- Being sensual is not all about what happens in the bedroom. However, being sensual in your everyday life and taking the time to enjoy the world around you can make you feel more pleasure in the bedroom for sure.
- Take pleasure in your own body. No, this doesn't mean what you're thinking -- it just means that, if you want to be a sensual person, that you have to be comfortable in your own skin first and foremost. If you're not happy with who you are or how you look, then it'll be much more difficult for you to let go and let your body enjoy the world around you, whether you're kissing your partner or sunbathing on the beach. Work on building your confidence and self-esteem, and soon, you'll see that you'll be getting more pleasure and joy out of the ordinary things around you.
- This doesn't mean you have to look like a supermodel, or even think that you look like a supermodel. It just means that you have to love your body and be open to whatever sensations the world may bring it.
- Being comfortable in your own skin isn't something that happens overnight. But you can make a concerted effort to feel happier with who you are by doing the things you love, being around the people who make you feel good, and to work on improving anything you'd like to improve.
- Slow down. If you really want to be sensual, then you have to stop rushing through your day without stopping to breathe -- or to enjoy the rainbow forming over the clouds. There's a reason people say that you should "Stop and smell the roses." Life can pass us by in a flash, and it's important to take the time to acknowledge the world around you. Leave for work or school fifteen minutes early so you can take it slow and notice the world around you. Take a walk and look around you instead of texting or being on the phone at all times. If your friend gets up to go the bathroom at a bar, look at the interesting patrons around you instead of logging into your Facebook. You'll see what a big difference this makes in your ability to indulge in the world around you.
- Part of the reason you may find it hard to slow down is because your days are so packed that you don't have a moment to breathe. See what you can cut down on to free up some time just for enjoying the world around you. If this sounds ridiculous, make slightly more concrete plans; decide to watch the sunset, enjoy a bottle of wine with a friend, or go to an outdoor concert.
- Look for new ways to indulge your senses. Sensual people are always looking to take a bigger bite out of life. Don't just try to enjoy the same old things you've been doing, but find new ways to use your senses and to experience the world. Go on a long hike and stop and look at the flora and fauna, go wine tasting with your partner, or cook a long and savory breakfast instead of your usual granola bar on the go. Think about something you've always wanted to do, whether it's mountain biking or taking photos of the roses in the beautiful garden in your town, and make a plan to actually accomplish it.
- This doesn't mean you should get stressed out by all of the millions of ways to be sensual out there. It does mean that you should always be open to new sensory experiences, though.
- Be present. If you want to be sensual, then you have to learn to live in the present and to take each day as it comes. Don't spend all day fretting about something that will happen three months from now or regretting something you said a week ago. It's just not worth it and it won't change anything. Instead, enjoy the day you're in, look around you, get some fresh air, and take pleasure in even the ordinary conversations you may be having with your coworkers. Learn to live in the moment and you'll be able to take the time to experience sensory pleasure.
- Whether you're taking the bus home or sitting at work, take the time to notice the world around you. What is the weather like? What do you see outside your window? What do you smell? What do you hear? How many details can you write down about the present moment? Getting in the habit of asking yourself these details can help you live in the present.
- Spend more time doing the things that excite you. Don't feel guilty about doing things that actually make you feel good and happy. This can mean having sex with your partner more often, taking the time to cook a delicious meal even if you're short on time, or playing your favorite record in the morning when you wake up. You're not hurting anybody by spending more time indulging in your favorite pleasures, and you're becoming a more sensual person in the process.
- Think about what an average week in your life looks like. Are there things you can cut out, like watching lame TV shows, in favor of doing something you really love, like taking a yoga class or painting in the gardens near your home?
Indulging in Your Senses
- Play with your hair. Spend more time brushing your hair, tossing your hair back, running your fingers through your hair, and just enjoying the feeling of your hair on your head. When you're in the shower, take the time to massage shampoo and conditioner into your scalp and enjoy the feeling of running your fingers through your locks. This will help you indulge in one of the most amazing parts of your body. And if you have a partner, playing with his or her hair will add a sensual touch to your relationship.
- Spend more time in the shower. That's right. Being in the shower doesn't have to feel like a race to get in and out as fast as humanly possible. Though it's nice to be eco- friendly and to save water, soak in a bath or just spend some time soaping your body and enjoying the sensation of getting clean and feeling the water running over your body. Sing to yourself if you want to. Just spent the time enjoying the sensation of getting clean instead of trying to rush on with your day as fast as you can.
- Use lotion. Take a nicely scented lotion and massage it into your body. This will help you spend more time with your sensations, both because of your sense of touch and your sense of smell. Your body will also feel softer and you'll enjoy touching and feeling it throughout the day. The lotion doesn't have to have an overwhelming scent; just a touch of juniper or lilac can make you feel happier throughout your day.
- Enjoy nice fabrics. Wear a nice silk robe. Spend time under your favorite comfy blanket. Get a new pillow that feels heavenly under your head. Wear the jacket that makes you feel like you're wearing a pillow. Take the time to enjoy the sensation of a nice piece of fabric or cloth between your fingers or on your body, and you'll be having a more sensual experience.
- Go to a farmer's market. Farmer's markets are the perfect place to make use of all of your senses. Go to your local farmer's market and try all of the samples the vendors offer. Feel the weight and the texture of the different fruits and vegetables you have in your hands. Stop and smell the fresh cilantro, parsley, dill, and other herbs you see. Take the time to enjoy a pleasant conversation with the people selling the produce and bring home at least some fresh fruit and a bouquet of flowers. You don't have to be a master chef to enjoy this sensory -- and sensual -- experience.
- Enjoy a delicious home cooked meal. Cooking a simple meal at home can awaken your senses and make you feel much more sensual about the process of making food and eating it. You don't have to be Julia Child to bake some chicken in the oven, make a delicious salad of beets and feta cheese, and grill some delicious polenta to go with it. Taking the time to cook the food, especially if you're with a friend and enjoying some wine in the process, can take the sensory experience of eating to a whole new level.
- Go wine tasting. Plan a wine tasting trip with your loved one or a group of friends. Not only is tasting a variety of wines a perfect sensory awakening, but wine country is almost always beautiful, whether you're in Napa Valley or the Rhone Valley, and you will awaken your sense of taste, smell, and sight as you embark on this gorgeous adventure.
- Listen to your favorite music. Whether you love Queen or Lily Allen, there's nothing wrong with blasting your favorite music whenever you feel like it (as long as you're not driving people crazy in the process). Wake up to your favorite songs, listen to them when you're driving, or throw a private dance party when you're making dinner by yourself. You can also hit up the clubs with some friends or go to a concert. Music awakens your senses and makes your mind and body come alive.
- Indulge in nature. Whether this means going on a hike, walking through a redwood forest, or just lying on the beach, hearing the sounds of the waves crashing on the shores, take the time to make nature a big part of your life and you won't regret it. The more time you spent outside in the sunshine, breathing the fresh air and enjoying the natural world, the more sensual you will feel. Being around nature also helps you learn to live in the present and to appreciate what you have, which are key parts of being sensual as well.
- Go to an art museum. Whether you like modern art or are more into Renaissance paintings, go to a museum of your choice and enjoy the contemplative silence that fills each room, as you and the other patrons enjoy the beautiful work around you. Stand before a painting without judgment, not trying to analyze it or even read about it, but just thinking about how it makes you feel. Spend at least two hours there without your cell phone or without saying a word, and see how much you awaken your sense of sight.
Being More Sensual with Your Partner
- Hold hands more. Being sensual with your partner isn't all about taking your clothes off. In fact, holding hands with your partner, caressing his fingers, and feeling the weight of his hand in yours can be some of the most sensual experiences you may have. Take the time to hold hands with your partner more, whether you're taking a moonlit walk, sitting at dinner, or watching television. You'll be surprised by how much this can deepen your connection.
- Linger when you kiss. Don't just see your kisses as a means to something more or as a perfunctory way to greet your partner. Instead, take the time to really enjoy kissing your partner just because, with no strings attached. Kiss your partner for at least six seconds every day, and spend time just sitting around and kissing; this can lead to an amazing sensation, no matter how long you've been together.
- Give each other a sensual massage. Massages are definitely some of the most sensual experiences out there, and you can definitely take your relationship to a new sensual level if you and your partner give each other massages. You can take turns, or just focus on your partner (or do the reverse) for a night and see how good it feels to either have your back, shoulders, arms, and body get massaged after a long day or to give your partner the same pleasure. You can even take it to the next level by rubbing lotion on each other's bodies in the process.
- Snuggle and cuddle more. Though you may not think snuggling and cuddling is anything but cutesy, they are actually part of an important sensory experience. Taking the time to sidle up to your partner and to feel your bodies fall in sync can be a very sensual experience, whether it leads to something more or not. Make the time to snuggle more with your partner, whether you're in bed together or just watching television. Connecting your bodies in this way can lead to a more sensual relationship.
- Write love letters. Who says that love letters are dated? Try writing your loved one a love letter just because you feel like telling him or her how amazing he or she is. You don't have to write one because of a birthday, anniversary, or Valentine's Day, and the thought will count even more if you send or give your special someone a love letter on a random Tuesday. You can leave the sweet message around for your partner to find, and soon you'll see that you've taken your relationship to new sensual level.
- Make more eye contact. Take the time to really look at your significant other when he or she walks in the room, when you're talking, or even when you're just passing each other. There's something very sensual about locking eyes with the person that you love, and you should make a habit of doing it more often, even if you're just having an ordinary conversation. Making more eye contact with your partner will deepen your connection and will make your relationship much more sensual.
- Tickle each other. That's right. You are never too old to tickle someone, and tickling your partner, or getting into a tickle fight, can lead to more sensory pleasure. Even if you're just laughing and goofing off, you'll also be experiencing more sensory sensations, and will indulge in feeling the light-as-a-feather touch on your toes, neck, or sides. Tickling feet can also be a very sensual activity, especially if you're using a feather.
- Spend more time in the bedroom. This doesn't mean that you should just make love for longer, but that you should be more thoughtful and present when you're making that physical connection with your partner, whether you're kissing or doing more. Devote more of your relationship to keeping your love connection going fiery and strong, not just because you think you have to make love or hook up a certain amount of times a week. If you're more mindful about making that connection, you will awaken your sensuality.
