Be a Fat Girl

Our culture has an obsession with weight control. Our role models are criticized and questioned for gaining weight, while our plus-sized models are marginalized for being "unhealthy" or out of control. Ultimately, it's important to feel comfortable with yourself and about your body. Because you are the ruler of your own throne. If you are exercising and eating healthy, you don't necessarily need to be obsessing about weight loss. Try to feel good about who you are, and the weight loss may come naturally.

Steps

Eliminating Negativity

  1. Cultivate positivity. Do not hang out with people who make you feel bad about yourself. They are not good friends. Instead, form alliances with healthy, happy people who make you feel healthy and happy as well. Find a good partner who loves you the way you are; don't lower yourself or settle because you think your options are limited.[1]They're not.
    • If your family frequently rips on you because of your weight, tell them in no uncertain terms that your body is none of their business and that you will not discuss your weight with them.
  2. Think of today's "perfect body" as a trend. In the past, women weren't supposed to be a size 0. Hips were for baby-makin', and that was a very good thing! It was trendy to be a bit bigger. So when you're bombarded by models and whatnot, realize that it's a trend. It's just what society wants right now. Not what is good or what is bad. Society has no idea what's good, bad, right, or wrong!
    • If weight-loss commercials or magazines leave you feeling deflated, don't watch them or buy them. Until you're strong enough to be able to take the daily messages that tell you fat is bad without believing them or even without paying attention to them, try to eliminate them from your life. Grab that renaissance magazine and go to town!
  3. Don't hate. Don't be that girl. Don't be the girl that quite clearly hates her body and makes fun of others because of it. Don't be the girl that's been ridiculed for being overweight and as a result is mean herself (even if it is defensive). The world's gonna be rough, yeah, but that's not an excuse. You're still beautiful and the world is still awesome -- what do you have to be hating' on?
    • Kill 'em with kindness, you know? Practically smack them upside the head with it. When someone is hating on you, giving you a hard time, not only should you not give them a hard time back, you should not give them the time at all. They aren't worth it. Don't let them rain on your parade.
  4. Don't talk smack about your body. Since you won't be tolerating others talking smack about your body, you definitely can't talk smack about it. That just breeds negative feelings and propagates the problem. You don't need that. Even if it feels right, even if it feels socially acceptable (self-deprecating humor is oddly trendy), don't do it. There's no point.
    • While we're on the topic, don't talk smack about others' bodies either. Whether they're too fat or too thin. Saying, "Girl, you need to eat a cheeseburger!" is basically the same as that girl saying to you that you need to skip a cheeseburger. It may not seem like it, and, true, society is on her side, but she probably still has issues. Most women (read: people) do!
  5. Don't be afraid of your body. Don't not go out and play basketball. Don't not hit on that sexy guy in your history class. Don't limit yourself in the world because you feel you take up too much of it. Don't be afraid to take risks, thinking your fat is holding you back. It's your body and only you know exactly how to work it. What's there to be afraid of, anyway?
    • If you feel awkward in your clothes, people will pick up on that. If you don't feel awkward in your clothes, people will pick up on that! If you're afraid of what other people will think, know that you're a great determiner in that!
  6. Call yourself fat, but don't call others fat. "Fat" is a word that has a negative connotation, and it shouldn't! It should be a descriptive term, like "blonde," "cute," "short," et cetera. By claiming it and wielding it as such, you'll disarm people who use the word as an insult. Try not to use euphemisms like 'overweight', which imply that there's something wrong with being fat.
    • That being said, not everyone feels this way. Even if you have good intentions, even if you think of fat as a good thing, people don't necessarily know that. Calling someone else fat may to you be a term of solidarity or even endearment, but to them you're pointing out a very sensitive flaw of theirs. Be careful.

Thinking It Through

  1. Love your body. Even though this one is pretty obvious, it has to be said and it has to come first. Without loving your body, you're gonna be a pretty second-rate fat girl. Once you realize it's the only one you'll ever, ever, have, the positive thoughts start falling into place. This thing that responds to your thoughts is all yours -- no one else's -- and it is good.
    • The goal is to be able to look in the mirror and think that you're beautiful without wanting to change. Do whatever you have to achieve that goal; everyone has their own method of learning to love themselves.
  2. Know that you are not obligated to be defined by anything. If you want to identify as a fat girl, cool. If you don't, cool. You're a ton of other things you don't identify as, right? Do you constantly think about how you're a female? Probably not. Do you think about your nationality? Your religion? Whether you're tall or short? Blonde, brunette, or redhead? Nope. This "fat" thing, this fat label, only has to be yours if you want it. Even if you fit it, doesn't mean you have to see yourself as it.
    • The nuance in meaning here is that while, yes, you are a fat girl, you're also a thousand other things. It's a non-issue if you want it to be. Heck, you're also a one-nosed girl, right? A ten-fingered one too? Do those things matter? Exactly. Neither does your weight.
  3. Decide how you're going to handle the conversations. Once you're the girl who's okay with being overweight (instead of the one that's all sad about being fat, like people expect), people are gonna feel like they have to say something. Don't ask why; they just do. So they will. What are you going to say?
    • Think of a few possible situations. "You know it's not healthy, right?" or "But you'd look so much prettier if you were thinner," or "Boys like skinny girls," might be three of the many things you'll hear. If you're like the rest of us, you'll want to shut the book on the issue as soon as you can -- this crap gets old fast. Something like, "I'm in a good place right now. My weight isn't something you need concern yourself with," will tersely show them that the case is closed.
  4. Concentrate on your character. You know that one friend of yours who can only talk about women's rights? The other friend who can only carry conversations about football? The one who has something negative to say about anything that isn't hipster enough? All these people have one thing that's dominated their personalities which, more often than not, isn't a good thing. So in addition to being a fat girl, be something else. Be so much more. Be a good person, too!
    • There are no two ways around it: society sees being fat as a bad thing. Therefore, fat people (women even more so) are often viewed negatively. For starters, this is crap, so show them that. Be the most awesome person ever. Be kind. Be funny. Prove to the world that being a fat girl is just one of your many fantastic characteristics.
  5. Don't expect to feel awesome all the time forever. You're gonna have days where you look in the mirror and you think, "Weh-he-hell, look who's still got it!" And then there will be days where you look in the mirror and realize you would sacrifice your cat to just take back the last six times you know you ate too much cheesecake. Newsflash: this happens to everyone. Whether you're 100 pounds sopping wet or 300 pounds dry as a bone, this happens. We all have to deal with it.
    • So when you have one of those cat-sacrificing days, the important thing to realize is that it'll pass. It may take 30 minutes, it may take 3 days, it may take a week or two, but it'll pass. That's what emotions do. Nothing you've felt has ever lasted your entire life, you know?
  6. Question everything. Seriously. Everything. Why is cellulite bad? Think about it. It could be cute if society said it were. Why is the double-wave arm-flab look embarrassing? It's not. What is the best moral system? What are numbers, anyway? Okay, those last two are a bit off-topic, but you get it.
    • Everything we think has been taught to us. Someone a long, long time ago said it or published it or sang it in song and all of a sudden now it's a thing. However, that person's view on society is just that: that person's view. So when someone tells you fat is bad (or even fat is good), question it. Make your own opinions.
  7. Educate yourself. There was civil rights for blacks, women, gays, and shortly there will be civil rights for fat people. Sort of seriously, we're talking now. Have you heard of the Fat Acceptance movement?[2] Or Health at Every Size?[3] The latter is its own community! So get to studying. There's an entire world out there that wants to identify with you.
    • Along with movements and organizations, read blogs. Connect with others that are going through the same thing. Read books on being fat and fit. Educate yourself so the next time you run into that young girl who's struggling with her body image, you can help her. If this wasn't worth it before, it will be worth it for that.
    • Scratch the surface of any article promoting weight loss and you'll almost always find that it was backed in some way by a corporation that makes money by claiming to help people lose weight. It's important to see past the bias in news articles in order to get to the truth of fat and weight loss. Websites like The F Word, junk food Science and Shapely Prose are good places to go to find articles and medical studies that focus on fat.

Flaunting What You've Got

  1. Get to know your fat. Seriously. Touch it. If it's in the way, move it. Stare at it in the mirror. Look at it. Look at it until it becomes completely unremarkable. Know how it wiggles. Know it rests. Know when it becomes cumbersome and when it doesn't. Know which parts you like more than others. Accept it.
    • In addition to all this, wash it well. And more importantly? Dry it. Fat people get called smelly because of the ones that shower and don't dry off, leaving odoriferous marshes behind in their rolls. Not pleasant. Don't fuel the stigma!
  2. Find a fat-friendly doctor. Doctors who are unable to see past your weight are to be discarded immediately. If your doctor prescribes weight loss without really investigating your complaint, if they brings your weight up without being invited to do so, or if they deny you help/treatment until you lose "X" amount of weight, find someone else who will treat you with respect. You may also decline to have yourself weighed; that is totally your choice, because it's your body. There's more than one doctor out there, so find one that fits for you!
    • Be straight with your doctor. It's a very, very touchy topic and doctors are aware of it. You know you're fat. You can say it. Talk to him/her about how you want to handle it. If he/she is any good, they'll respect you.
  3. Don't limit yourself in the sack. As you probably know, certain positions are going to be easier than others. This is also true for tall people, short people, people who aren't super flexible, etc. So don't limit yourself! Don't not get on top because you're self-conscious. Don't think you'll break him. You won't. Just trust.
    • That being said, do get a good mattress. You want one that's firm and springy; not one you sink into. And when it comes to lube, it can be your best friend.
  4. Don't hide it. There's not really a point. If you try to position yourself in such a way that you look skinnier or cover yourself up in baggy clothes or refuse to have sex in the light, it's time to give it up. You know. Your boyfriend knows. Everyone knows. You know what everyone else looks like, so there's no use trying to cling to the facade that it can be hidden. It can't. And guess what? That's fine.
    • This is you. You're gonna have to get used to it sooner or later, so it might as well be sooner. Of course certain clothes will be more flattering (more on that in a bit), but when you're out of those clothes, there's no use shying away from the spotlight. Soak it up!
  5. Know that not all attention is good attention. Unfortunately, lots of us fat girls have insecurity issues. It makes sense since society is pretty condescending 24/7. If the world (read: men) hasn't been that great, it's gonna be practically impossible not to succumb to attention when you get it. But not all attention is good attention -- just because someone is paying you some doesn't mean you need to entertain them.
    • In other words, when that guy comes up to you at the bar and asks you to go home with him, you don't have to. Some guys look at a fat girl and think she's easy because she's desperate for sexual validation. Ha. Send those guys home with themselves.
  6. Wear flattering clothes. Alright, so as much as you can't hide the fat, you can still be pretty and beautiful and have a great sense of style. Find local options for buying clothes in your size or look on the Internet for more choices. Load yourself down with accessories that make you feel good. Whatever your style, do everything in your power to rock it.
    • Even if you're not concerned with your appearance, keep clean and well-groomed - keep your finger and toenails neatly maintained and buffed to a shine, even if you don't polish them.
    • Get regular haircuts and keep a style that flatters you, and do any hair removal or odor control that you deem necessary. You'll feel better about yourself, which is really the very most important thing.
  7. Be healthy. Virtually all of the health risks associated with being fat are actually tied to poor diet and exercise (and as we know, it's possible to be a skinny couch potato as well as a fat Olympic athlete). Adipose tissue (fat) on the body is not a health risk on its own. Fatty arteries and other internal organs are, but that's why you're going to exercise and eat right: to prevent fatty buildup in those important organs and arteries, to promote a strong immune system and to help your body heal itself if it does get injured or sick.
    • Weight loss is not necessary to be healthy (except in the most extreme cases), and attention to exercise and food intake should be entirely for your health and never for the purpose of shrinking.

Tips

  • Don't weigh yourself or invest in a novelty scale. Even the most self-confident fatties can be daunted by numbers on a scale. Either don't weigh yourself at all or, if you're worried about your weight fluctuating, it's possible to buy scales that indicate whether you've gained or lost weight since your last weigh-in without assigning a number to your weight. Look for 'numberless scales' on your favourite search engine.
  • It's your responsibility to yourself to bust myths about fat and weight loss, and to become educated on the truth and reality of these subjects. If someone tells you that dieting is bad for your health, go to Google and get the science to back it up!
  • Write your measurements down. Ordering over the Internet opens up a whole new host of options for the fashionable fatty, but first you need to know how to navigate the often skeevy sizing of these sites. Have your bust, waist and hip circumferences in ink or print somewhere for easy reference - if you're particularly large, you may find yourself calling airlines, movie theaters, et cetera to verify the width of their seats to ensure a comfy fit, and these measurements will help there, too. Note: Don't be ashamed if you're fat enough to have to do this. It's not your responsibility to make your body fit into a random seat (or a piece of clothing, or anything else) that was designed by someone who doesn't even know you. If you don't fit, it's not your fault, it's the object's fault.
  • Find a form of exercise that you can stick with. It has to be enjoyable for you in order for you to keep in up - whether it's swimming, rock-climbing, yoga or trampolining, find it and go for it!
  • Become a Shapeling. Kate Harding's Shapely Prose is a blog dedicated to self-acceptance and especially size-acceptance. As well as being entertaining, this blog will provide near-daily updates on the latest relevant medical studies and a means of reaching out to other confident, healthy fat women.

Warnings

  • Listen to your doctor. Once you've found a doctor who is ready and willing to keep you healthy without suggesting weight loss or making an issue of your weight - in short, one you can trust - then listen to them. If they have to weigh you in order to prescribe the correct dosage of a medication, that's a reasonable request (and you're within your rights to request that they do not tell you your weight, as well). Likewise, if you sprain an ankle and they suggest a brace for fear that your weight will cause undue strain on the injury, that's okay, too. As long as your doctor isn't fat phobic or discriminatory, trust that they have your best interest at heart.
  • If you think you may have an eating disorder, seek help! If you are literally hungry all the time, binge eat, binge and purge, or obsess over your weight and food/exercise intake to a degree you suspect is not normal, tell your doctor or another such person about this the first chance you get.
  • This will be difficult. Being fat, shameless, self-loving and happy is a very controversial life choice. There are those who are going to try to browbeat you into dieting or exercising, who are going to try to convince you that fat is ugly or unhealthy, who are going to try to make you feel ashamed. The bottom line is: you need to be strong. For your sake.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://kateharding.net/2008/03/29/in-which-i-ramble-about-attraction
  2. ↑ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fat_acceptance_movement
  3. ↑ http://www.haescommunity.org/
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