Be a Groupie

Almost everyone "loves" certain bands and musical artists. For some, however, this love is literal. If an artist's music (or face) has got you hopelessly, head-over-heels in love, you may want to consider the life of a groupie and all the excitement and hardship that comes with it. Fairweather fans, read no further!

Steps

Getting Close to the Band

1. Be your artist's number one fan. If you've got any doubts at all about who your favorite band is, groupie-dom isn't for you! Know your artist's musical repertoire front-to-back, not just their singles. Wear your artist's merchandise. Decorate your room with their posters. See their shows every time they play in your town. Make road trips to see them if they don't play near you. Live, eat and breathe your new idol(s)!
   • Find personal meaning in the artist's songs. Do their lyrics remind you of events from your own life? Do you feel as if the singer is singing to you specifically, even though s/he has never met you? Both are indications that a close relationship with the band is meant to be!
   • If your artist has an official fan club, join it. Membership in the fan club will give you a leg up on casual fans. You'll be kept up-to-speed on the artist's touring schedule and you'll get news from the band as soon as it's released. You might also get special deals on music and merchandise or even access to special fan-club only events.
   • Groupies are usually thought of as young, attractive females, but male groupies aren't unheard of. One male groupie known only as "Pleather" reportedly followed Courtney Love and rock band L7 in their heyday. Whatever floats your boat!
2. Meet your band or artist. If you don't personally know the band, you're not a groupie - you're deluded at best and a stalker at worst! If you want to be a groupie and you haven't met your idol yet, this should be your highest priority. There's no one right way to meet the band - use all means at your disposal. Here are just a few relatively sensible options for meeting the band:
   • Listen to radio stations that play the artist's music. Often, radio stations will have contests to win backstage passes. If passes for your artist are up for grabs, do everything you can to win!
   • Attend meet-and-greets. Artists sometimes will stick around before or after shows to sign autographs and meet with fans. This is the perfect chance to introduce yourself, but try not to give the impression that you're insane! Stalkers get barred from backstage events.
   • Watch your artist's shows from the front row. You have a much better chance of catching your artist's attention in the front row, especially if the show is a smaller, intimate one. If they like you, they might even let you up on stage! Don't heckle or distract them and never climb onstage without being invited. It's a good way to get tackled by a bouncer. Rock stars have been known to react poorly to people who don't respect their personal space.
3. Gain more access to the band. You eventually want to make the jump from being "just another fan" to being on first name basis with the band. If the band sees in you in the front row at every show, and backstage before every concert, they'll take notice. Familiar faces can get invited to after parties and more - perfect opportunities for getting to know the band and (almost as importantly) the people close to them.
   • Now's your chance to network - make friends with everyone in the music industry you're introduced to. Inside connections can help you get closer to any artists you're dying to meet.
   • One great way to gain access to the band is to work for them. Touring musicians can have large support crews - they'll need people to carry heavy equipment, set up lights, manage their sound levels, coordinate their costumes, etc. If you can learn a skill that's useful to a touring band, you'll be able to hang out with your idols and get paid for it!
     • You don't even have to be a roadie to get access to the band - they need people to do their taxes, too! Accountants, managers, booking agents, and other professional positions all have access to the band.
4. Get the band to like you. If you've begun to hang out with the artist and made a good impression, you can begin trying to spend time with them as friends. It's not as crazy as it seems - stars are human beings too, and humans need friends. As usual, try not to seem creepy or desperate - even music's biggest egos might be repulsed if you're too fawning. Try to play coy and maintain a little mystery! Flirt with the artist, but don't make yourself too available. Play hard to get. With any luck, you'll begin making regular appearances in the green room and at exclusive parties.
   • Understand the risks of hanging out with touring stars. Though many professional musicians are normal, well-adjusted people, the pressure of international fame can lead some stars to depression, substance abuse, and irrational behavior. If your new famous friends are pressuring you to do things that make you uncomfortable or seem dangerous, strongly consider re-thinking your devotion to the artist.
5. Travel with the artist. Groupies who are especially close to the artist might have spots reserved for them on the tour bus. Seize this opportunity - you'll see the world for free! You'll also get to enjoy (or not) experiencing personal, intimate moments with your artist. Remember that roadies, managers, and technicians get to travel with the band without sucking up to them first. If you have any skills a touring band might need, strongly consider working for one!
   • If you've made it this far, now's a good time to consider immortalizing yourself through their music! Write a song for them or convince them to write one about you. Famous musicians' muses can be almost as iconic as the musician themselves (see: John Lennon and Yoko Ono, Sid and Nancy, etc.)!

Being the Greatest Groupie You Can Be

1. Consider starting a relationship with the artist. This is it - the secret dream of any groupie. If you've been spending serious time with your artist, you might be able to become their significant other (or one of several significant others.) This is as close as a groupie can be to an artist, but relationships with famous artists carry unique stresses, like:
   • Infidelity. Famous artists are notorious cheaters. If the thought of your idol fooling around with other fans infuriates you, you should check your expectations and proceed only if you're sure he or she is a straight shooter.
   • Tabloids. As a star's significant other, you may receive attention from the press. You might come to relish this attention, or you might hate it - either way, consider how you'll react to paparazzi before you take the plunge.
   • Self-destructive behavior. Some famous musicians are kind and emotionally stable. For instance, rock star Dave Grohl is frequently noted as being down-to-earth and friendly. However, if your artist is OK with having a relationship with a slavishly devoted groupie, there's a reasonable chance that he or she isn't quite so stable. As their significant other, you may be exposed to substance abuse, tremendous personal drama, sexual deviancy and/or emotional meltdowns. You've been warned!
2. Practice good groupie etiquette. Artists opinions' differ on what makes a good groupie. What attracts some artists may repel others. The better you know your artist, the better you'll be able to please them. Here are just a few thoughts from the stars on what makes a great groupie:
   • Detroit rapper Danny Brown values dedicated groupies. Brown says a true groupie is someone who will "[sleep with] a roadie or security guard" just to get access to the artist himself.
   • Influential Led Zeppelin guitarist Jimmy Page is famous for preferring groupies with very open minds. Along with many other infamous incidents attributed to him, Page is known for once taking a bath with two groupies and four live octopuses.
   • Pamela Des Barres, who was a groupie for Keith Moon, Mick Jagger, and other rock gods, says the groupie lifestyle takes "a lot of heart and a lot of guts." Des Barres says "It's all about love. Groupies love the music, the people who make it and the energy that pours out of that amazing live experience."
3. Don't fall for common groupie pitfalls. The simple nature of being a groupie can feed certain obsessive personality traits. Don't let groupie-dom turn you into your artist's mindless devotee. They'll respect you more if you respect yourself and adhere to some common sense groupie rules:
   • Don't let the artist walk all over you. No matter how much you love an artist's music, it's never OK to let them treat you like a plaything. You're a valuable, respectable person first and a groupie second.
   • Don't spend beyond your means. If you work for the band or you've got a legitimate reason to travel with them, great. If not, don't waste your life savings following them across the globe. Penniless, desperate people aren't very attractive.
   • Don't harass the artist. Don't barge into green rooms uninvited or push your way to the front of the autograph line. Doing this virtually guarantees you won't have a personal, intimate connection with the band.
   • Above all, remember that the artist is just a person. No matter how talented, the artist is an imperfect human being just like you. Treat them as such. Don't worship them, even if you think they deserve it.

Tips

• Read stories about groupies, especially if you're unsure about becoming one. There are a wealth of stories written by and about groupies. Many of the most famous are from the late 60's-70's golden era for groupies, but new groupie stories are written all the time. Check the "Letters to the Editor" section of men's magazines like Penthouse - juicy groupie stories aren't uncommon.

Warnings

• Seriously, seriously consider pursuing an education or a worthwhile career instead of becoming a groupie. It might seem like being a groupie can be an easy way to become famous, but most are instantly forgotten one-night stands.
• Don't become a groupie if you don't want to sincerely dedicate yourself to following a certain band or artist. Remember that musical trends are cyclical - in a few years, the hottest band on the planet might be embarrassingly passe. Plan accordingly.

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Sources and Citations

• http://www.musesmuse.com/col-cherylmullen-tencommandments.html

See also

• Agree On Which Songs Your Band Will Play
• Join a Marching Band
• Compose and Perform a Rock Song
• Make a Deadmau5 Head
• Make a Good Album
• Get a Job Working for a Rock Band
• Memorize Sheet Music
• Become a Rockstar
• Become a Band Tour Manager