Be a Respectful Non Jewish Guest at a Jewish Holiday Dinner

For even the most well-meaning gentiles, the ceremonies surrounding a Jewish holiday dinner can be intimidating. Luckily, there's nothing preventing them from spending the holidays with members of the Jewish faith with tact, respect, and genuine enjoyment.

Steps

  1. Feel free to ask your hosts questions about Judaism. Also note that your participation in Jewish customs, as led by your hosts, does not obligate you to anything in any way, nor will it nullify or "de-commit" you from your own spiritual path. Many non-Jews are open-minded to learning about how Jews live.
  2. If your friends are Orthodox Jews, don't expect hugs, kisses, and handshakes from the women if you're a man, because touch (even something considered "casual contact" in the non-observant world, such as a handshake) is a form of intimacy and therefore, reserved for spouses and immediate family only (children, parents, siblings). For the same reason, if you are a woman, do not expect hugs, kisses, or handshakes from Orthodox men.
  3. Dress appropriately. If it's an Orthodox Jewish home, and you're a woman, wear a modest (covers elbows, knee-length or longer hemline, no exposed decolletage), dressy dress, or blouse and skirt. If you're a man, wear a suit and tie, and you're likely to receive a kippah (skullcap) for your head. If it's NOT an Orthodox home, business casual clothes are likely appropriate.
  4. If it's Shabbat, ritual handwashing will be done, and there will be blessings for Shabbat candles, wine, challah (bread), children, and guests. Depending on the level of observance, there may be further discussion for you to participate in centered around the biblical narrative for the week (after a brief description of the narrative is given- comments and opinions welcome), and singing. Shabbat is the celebration of The Creation and the Jews' (and humanity's) place in it- completed in 6 days, with G-d resting (and commanding the Jews also to rest) on the 7th day. A festive meal and drinks are served.
  5. If it's Passover, (the feast of unleavened bread) matzah is served in place of bread, and no regular flour-containing items will be served. Be prepared to spend at least 2 to 4 hours at the dining room table (you may want to eat a significant snack before you go- the full meal isn't served for an hour or two after your arrival), because Passover is the holiday in which the Jews were freed from slavery in Egypt, and the story itself is read from a Haggadah (Jewish book) along with prayers and songs.
  6. Watch what everyone is saying and doing, and don't talk, eat, and drink until everyone else does. A good host will help guide you (and be reminding everyone else at the table- it's part of the culture to continuously explain what's going on and why), so relax and enjoy!

Tips

  • If it's Passover, the only kosher food you can bring must be marked "Kosher for Passover," or "May be Used for Passover," or "Kosher for Passover and All Year Round." Most Passover foods come out a month or two before the holiday, so read the labels carefully.
  • If you want to bring flowers or gifts, ask first. Jewish greeting cards are always acceptable.
  • If you're visiting Orthodox Jews, ask if you can bring anything kosher to their home. Orthodox Jews keep meat and dairy separate at all times, and they don't eat shellfish and pork. Fruit, vegetables, and some breads are parve*, which can be eaten with both meat or dairy.
  • Not all breads are parve - some contain milk, whey or dairy margarine making them dairy. Some breads may have non-kosher ingredients making them "tref" [not kosher]. It's best to buy breads that have Kosher certification without a D [for dairy] or from a Kosher bakery if there is one available.

Warnings

  • If you have allergies, tell your Jewish friends and ask about alternatives.

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