Become Mentally Flexible

There are so many factors in life that are not in our control, like weather, politics, people's feelings, seasons, day and night, death, etc. What's in our control is our response and actions, and those are the key to become mentally flexible. "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom" (Unknown). These guidelines focus on bringing a conscious shift from where a true flexible behavior originates. If this seems like something that can be helpful to you, then move down to Step #1.

Steps

Accepting Change

  1. Know that change is constant and part of this world. Things may happen suddenly, gradually, or slowly, but things change. Even the invincible and mighty-looking mountains erode, wither, and become old. On a cosmic level, stars, galaxies, and galactic clusters dissolve into nothingness—where they came from.
    • All 'forms' are fleeting and are bound to the law to impermanence[1][2][3]. So change happens, whether we like it or not. It can be hard for some people to recognize and accept it. Just knowing and understanding this statement is part of the process of achieving a flexible attitude.
  2. Look on the bright side. If a particular change makes you uncertain, then relax and ask yourself questions like, "Is there anything that you can do about it?", "Is this truly in my control?" etc. While being aware of your motive behind wanting to resist the change. For example, suppose your best friend is getting married and you find yourself resisting it because you think you may not get to see your friend a lot. The motive behind this is fear and self interest. Regardless of your opposition, most likely, this change is going to happen and there is a possibility that you may end up getting hurt or suffer, if you don't accept it.
    • When you accept a change, you'll be able to see more clearly what action to take. That action is in alignment with universal intelligence[4]. So it's better to accept the situation and see the bright side. There is always a bright side, no matter what[5]
    • Your friend getting married can also be seen as a motivation for you to find someone for yourself, too. Right?
  3. Consider an example. Suppose you had to move to another city for a job and this initiates a variety of thoughts such as: "Where am I gonna stay?," "What will I do for food?," "What will the people be like?" ... These are the normal 'default' reactions that may come up. Although it helps to gather information but you also need to look at the other side of the coin.
    • The new city and current city would have underlying commonalities like a variety of people, restaurants and grocery stores, places to visit, amusements, and so forth. These are all examples of underlying commonalities. There is also a good possibility that the new city may have idiosyncrasies that you may like better than the last one (seeing the bright side). Remember, even you don't know what exactly you like unless you try new things.
    • Restaurants - The location and cuisine of the restaurant may be different but that does not mean the food won't be as delicious or nutritious.
    • Friends - Moving to the new city may also be seen as an opportunity to make new friends and meet new people.
    • Population - The number of people in the new city may differ but that does not mean there would not be enough people.
    • People. To go deeper, humans are pretty complex to understand. For example different people have different personalities, attitude, wealth, gender, race, ideas, and so on, but that doesn't mean they are not people or human beings.
  4. Make it fun and silly. This means taking it easy and making things silly, fun, and lighthearted. Suppose you failed a test. Instead of reacting or feeling sad about it, make the situation fun by sharing with your friends something like "I failed my test so my father got me a job application for McDonald's". Or something like "My teacher returned my test with a Mcdonalds job application attached to it". Anything that corresponds to your humor.
    • This is an effective therapy and will help you greatly in the long run. Any situation can be made fun of. Have you heard of the cliche, 'Don't take life too seriously'?

Making Effective Changes

  1. Work on the things that are under your direct influence. You have no control over weather, political situations, wars, conflicts, and many other upsets in life. So it doesn't help to worry about them[6]
    • Direct control describes things which are in our direct influence. For example, making a cup of coffee or studying hard for a test.
    • Indirect control describes things which are not in our direct influence, like your grade on a test or the taste of a coffee.
    • No control refers to things that are not in our control in any way, shape, or form— like someone else's test grade, weather, politics, natural disasters, etc.
    • So work only on things that are in your direct control to increase the scope for these things.
  2. Understand the existing paradigms you have. A paradigm is a lens through which you see and act on the world[7]. Most individuals see, analyze and judge things from an outer perspective and give little attention to underlying commonalities. It's like tending to fix a symptom of the problem, rather than digging down to root. Therefore, people miss out on an opportunity to understand the deeper interconnection of all things[8].
  3. Experiment. After you finish your morning routine (work out, meditation, shower, and nourishing your body, etc), observe the quality of your day, specifically, the quality of your actions and response. On the following day, skip your morning routine (don't work out, don't shower, don't meditate, and don't eat a nutritious breakfast); then observe the quality of your day. Of course you can select among your normal activities by skipping some of them and doing the rest.
    • You might notice the quality of your actions on the first day as compared to the second day is higher. This occurs because when you perform these activities, it brings a paradigm change and the actions that come out of that paradigm have a high quality. It's like the origin of the action is high quality and therefore, in the long run, you don't have deal with symptoms of those actions. Just try this experiment and carefully notice the differing effects on your set of actions throughout the day.
  4. Understand that everything is connected. Things are interconnected on a deeper level. There is a high possibility that if you are physically flexible, you are going to be mentally flexible as well. This arises naturally because, once you integrate the underlying concept of flexibility in one arena, it's easier to apply it to different domains of your life.
    • Yes, there are people who are mentally flexible yet are not very flexible, physically. This may arise because they have not realized the deeper interconnection between different domains of life[9].
    • For example, have you noticed that if you feel frustrated in one aspect of life then, most likely, you also feel frustrated in other aspects of life, too?
    • Why not take advantage of this interconnection? Suppose you want to adapt the habit of 'taking things easy', then try to apply this in all viable aspects of your life. For example, doing your work in an easy going manner, talking to people light-heartedly, reading light material, watch light hearted shows and movies, hobbies and so on. This will not only accelerate your progress towards mental flexibility but also would help you understand the correlation between mental, physical, and spiritual dimensions; eventually realizing that deeply each is mirrored in the other.
    • It helps even more to start with a smaller interconnected aspect. For example, if you want to 'write a book' then start with writing articles, blogs, etc. The underlying commonality between these activities is writing.
  5. Find a healthy balance. A healthy balance between underlying and outlying elements is the most effective. For example, if you consider yourself to be a smart person, but don't have the skill set that allows you to express that intelligence, your essence might never be known by others. Effective balance comes after a number of iterations[10]. This number varies from person to person on the basis of their personality, learning modalities, and inherent adaptability.
    • Although it's a good practice to put yourself in the company of effective people[11] but don't compare yourself with anyone as you may not have gone through the same experiences, had the same conditioning, upbringing etc. However you can be practical about getting motivation from it. As you will read in the last step.

Change the Paradigms

  1. Be aware. Awareness is the prime factor in to order to dissolve negative beliefs or paradigms that have been running your life[12]. When you are aware a new dimension of consciousness emerges through you[13]. Much more powerful than thinking.
  2. Put it to test. Suppose you have a belief or paradigm about yourself that says "No one likes me". Since most of our minds are evidence-driven, put this belief to the test by just being aware to gather evidence. It's the nonsupporting evidence (the truth) that dissolves the false and self-limiting beliefs.
    • There's a possibility that your mind may see what it wants to see, i.e scotoma,[14], because of existing paradigms. Due to this, you may not see the true validity of the beliefs. So a high degree of awareness is needed. Read Get Good at Picking Up Girls
    • Don't just accept or reject what's written in the article; put it to test.
  3. Understand the ego. Individuals may have different definitions of the word 'ego'—psychological, spiritual, religious, dictionary, and so forth. Thus you probably come to interpretations of the word 'ego' which differ from others and also change throughout your life. The problem comes when people think they or their interpretation is superior or inferior to others[15]. This usually leads to many inconclusive debates and arguments we see. In this context, though, putting your ego aside means avoiding interpreting things via thoughts and just truly listen as you words come and go[16]. It is highly recommended that you read Dissolve the Ego (According to Eckhart Tolle's Teachings) for more insight.
    • Be aware that your mental interpretation of the word 'neutral' (or its equivalent) could also be ego. As your mind may ask, "So how can I be neutral?"[17] and come up with an mental interpretation or concept about being neutral. Now mind has found another concept to identify with[18].
    • It ok to use concepts but don't look at them, but look where they point to. Then the true unconditioned or non-conceptual response comes from deep within you. Looking at concepts is similar to a dog that is still looking at your hand even after you threw the ball. However, you are pointing him to the direction where the ball went.
    • According to Zen, "Finger (concepts or words) pointing to the moon (non conceptual intelligence) is not the moon" . Read Stay Rooted in Being for more depth on this.
  4. Bring a paradigm shift to your consciousness[19]. How can you do that? Your mind has been continuously conditioned from the day you were born to act a certain way. For example, failure and rejection are frowned upon in this society, but isn't it true that failures experienced by some great people became their greatest teacher and helped them achieve their greatest accomplishments? Are you certain that failure is something to be frowned upon? If you, in fact, shift your paradigm about failure, it can become your greatest teacher and you will have fun with it. "Failure lies concealed in every success and success in every failure" (Eckhart Tolle).
    • Next time you experience fear of losing something or trying something new and challenging, ask yourself questions like, "What's the worst that could happen?", "Could it be an opportunity for something new?" etc. Be truthful to yourself, and most importantly have fun by making the situation fun and silly. For example: If you see a hot girl or dude walking by and you want to approach her/him, but you feel all kinds of fear, emotions, and butterflies, then first admit it that you are being a wimp (making it fun) and see this fear as a cue to approach her/him. Its like replacing the fear with affirmations or challenges. For example: replace fearful thoughts with affirmations like "I deserve it", "I challenge myself to talk to that girl," etc.
    • Similarly whenever you experience heavy emotions and trepidation, use it as a 'cue' for action and leap before you look, instead of letting your lack of action gnaw at you and your feeling of self-worth. Such actions will bring about a paradigm change within you. Then you will see how it becomes your teacher.
    • Use the interconnection. Apply this 'cue' concept in different aspects of your life, and its power will grow within you. For example, use the feeling you get before running or working out as a cue to start the routine, instead of dredging up dread. Waste no time thinking. In this, all the thinking has been already done.
    • Similarly, use the feeling you get right before waking up in the morning as a cue to wake up right away, instead of seeing it as reason to stay in bed. Of course, you can apply similar outlooks in other aspects of life, too.
    • It is not going to be easy at first, but nothing is. It may be that the universe is testing us by making things hard at first, but as we overcome the initial resistance, the path becomes smoother. Just accept the feeling and then take action. Read Surrender to the Present Moment for more insight.
    • It is just like static friction: Once it is overcome, the going is easy.
  5. Be practical. It means it doesn't matter where the motivation or driving energy to learn something, or doing some task, is coming from, as long as it drives you to do things.
    • Suppose your motivation to go for a run is to see hot girls in the park. So even though the motivation to run is to 'see the girls', it's a practical way to get yourself started with running. Its cause mental conditioning and patterns have years of momentum behind it. So fighting it would not help. Instead yield to it to overcome and use it for motivation. There is a great strength and wisdom in yielding and non reaction[20]. Remember the deep wisdom underlying the practice of eastern martial arts. Don't resist the opponent, 'Yield to overcome'[21].
    • However it is essential that you are aware of where the motivation is coming from, so it doesn't become a crutch. Eventually, this awareness will take you beyond external factors. Then you wouldn't need to use 'watching hot girls' or any other external factor as a crutch to run, as it would comes naturally.
    • Analogy: Planks of wood may be needed as support to lay down concrete for a building, but after the concrete dries, it doesn't need the planks for support. Similarly motivation through external factors, thought structures(mental conditioning) and ideas may be needed in the beginning, to build a habit, but as you go along, there should be no structure or it will become a crutch, and you will remain stuck in walls of systematic structural concepts and thoughts. Yes, plank of woods may be needed, again, from time to time to do some maintenance work. In the same way external structure or motivation may be needed to regain the touch with the habit once more.
    • Another example: Suppose you get a bad review from your boss and as result you start working hard, because you are afraid you might lose your job. Yes, in this case, fear could be practical as it is motivating you to work hard. However, again, be aware that the motivation is coming from fear(mental conditioning) or it will become a vicious cycle. You don't want to end up in a situation where you constantly need fear as a motivation to work hard.
    • Last example: Comparing yourself with others may give you motivation to do better but its important to be aware that the motivation is coming from comparison or you will remain stuck there. Note: Comparing yourself with others can also demotivate you. As mentioned above everyone's different so experiment to see if you feel motivated by comparison or not.
    • Cognitive dissonance[22]:Yes, you shouldn't compare yourself with anyone but as mentioned it doesn't matter from what factors(even illogical) the motivation is coming from.
    • Just being aware is enough as it will take your beyond structures. Awareness is non-conceptual and beyond mind[23]. "The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them" (Albert Einstein). What's "same level of thinking"? Level of thoughts and concepts where we are stuck. What's the level beyond? Awareness. Read Dissolve the Ego (According to Eckhart Tolle's Teachings) for more advice about this concept.

Tips

  • Again, don't use any concept or systematic structure as a crutch. The true answer has no structure. It's structureless.

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ Tolle, Eckhart. A New Earth. Vancouver, BC: Penguin, 2005. Page 50
  2. ↑ Tolle, Eckhart. A New Earth. Vancouver, BC: Penguin, 2005. Page 81
  3. ↑ Tolle, Eckhart. A New Earth. Vancouver, BC: Penguin, 2005. Page 264.
  4. ↑ Tolle, Eckhart. The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. Vancouver, BC: Namaste Publishing, 1999. Page 213
  5. ↑ Chopra, Deepak. "The Seven spiritual laws of Success." Page 18
  6. ↑ Covey, Stephen. "7 Habits of Highly Effective People". Page 85, 86
  7. ↑ Covey, Stephen. "7 Habits of Highly Effective People". Page 29,30,32,
  8. ↑ Tolle, Eckhart. Stillness Speaks: Whispers of Now. Vancouver, BC: Namaste Publishing, 2003. Page 117.
  9. ↑ Tolle, Eckhart. A New Earth. Vancouver, BC: Penguin, 2005. Page 196.
  10. ↑ Covey, Stephen. "7 Habits of Highly Effective People". Page 59
  11. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/leon-logothetis/kkeeping-good-company-why-you-should-surround-yourself-with-good-people_b_6816468.html
  12. ↑ Tolle, Eckhart. A New Earth. Vancouver, BC: Penguin, 2005. Page 248,261.
  13. ↑ Tolle, Eckhart. A New Earth. Vancouver, BC: Penguin, 2005. Page 55,21,238.
  14. ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scotoma
  15. ↑ Tolle, Eckhart. A New Earth. Vancouver, BC: Penguin, 2005. Page 86.
  16. ↑ Tolle, Eckhart. The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. Vancouver, BC: Namaste Publishing, 1999. Page 63
  17. ↑ Tolle, Eckhart. A New Earth. Vancouver, BC: Penguin, 2005. Page 108.
  18. ↑ Tolle, Eckhart. A New Earth. Vancouver, BC: Penguin, 2005. Page 189.
  19. ↑ Covey, Stephen. "7 Habits of Highly Effective People". Page 29,30,32
  20. ↑ Tolle, Eckhart. The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. Vancouver, BC: Namaste Publishing, 1999. Page 214
  21. ↑ Tolle, Eckhart. The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. Vancouver, BC: Namaste Publishing, 1999. Page 215
  22. ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance
  23. ↑ Tolle, Eckhart. The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. Vancouver, BC: Namaste Publishing, 1999. Page 97, 111

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