Clean a Man Cave
The man cave. Packed to the rafters with man gear, such as trophies, antlers, games, men magazines, beer cans (used and collectible), faded plaid Lay-Z-Boy chairs with food crumbs tucked into every possible crevice and electronic paraphernalia, this is almost a no-go zone. The trouble is, this is a potential vermin safe haven unless it's kept clean regularly. And while it's a place where the men go to be boys, allowing it to reflect a frat house filled with chips, spilled beverages and foot odor is encouraging trouble.
Although you may want to ignore the man cave or just use a blow torch because you know it’s a big (and potentially nasty) job, eventually it must be attacked. Lace up your biohazard suit and grab every bottle, can or gallon of sanitizer and attack. Oh and yeah, you might like to grab the creator of the man cave too and dispense some cleaning-your-own-den lessons at the same time.
Steps
- Get permission. Now this step is highly personal to the man in question. You'll know whether you already have permission to cross the threshold of the man cave and begin cleaning, or whether you need to seek it. If you need to seek it, be assertive and have a factual list of why the man cave needs cleaning. Top of this list should be family/household health and sanitary well-being, ridding the place of vermin hotspots, having a pleasant place to invite man friends back to and the fact that you'll go on strike cleaning anything else if the man cave stays filthy.
- Some of you may be thinking, "There is no way I am responsible for cleaning this man's man cave. He should do it himself, just as he is expected to do his share in the house." Good for you, you've got it all sorted and just need to pass on your secret formula to every other woman seeking shared shouldering of the household cleaning.
- Focus first on what you know to be junk. Finding items that must be thrown away isn’t for the man cave cleaning novice; it requires the acumen and intelligence of an experienced man cave ninja because it isn't just what's obviously strewn about––it's also about unearthing the hidden junk. And while there is probably some fine line you're never going to grasp between a collectible beer can and a beer can destined for recycling (do you really care about any such distinction anyway), there are plenty of items you'll know instantly as junk, such as an empty chip package or half drunk beer bottles. Focus first on what is clearly garbage and shift it on out and have a tough love approach to so-called collectibles that need recycling, not displaying.
- To avoid a fight about collectible beer cans, rinse all beer cans and return them to him. Another thing to watch for - if they're flattened, they're for recycling. If they're whole and undented they're being collected for something. Would you want him to come into your scrapbooking area and throw out every loose piece of paper that wasn't neatly stacked by color in a drawer? Also ask if he's saving the recyclables for something specific, like a cause, or if that's household recycling. Respect boundaries.
- Be shrewd and savvy when hunting for junk. Half eaten bags of chips easily sidle their way into intricate crevices of sofas, chairs and behind every piece of furniture. Beer bottles roll under things and cans are crushed (in demonstrations of man strength) and tossed every which way.
- Dig right in between couch cushions. Prepare yourself for what you may find between and underneath couch or chair cushions because it may get ugly. Carefully peel back each cushion and remove the food, candy, newspaper or coin stash hidden beneath. Consider unzipping each cushion as well––sometimes even men run out of hiding places for their wrappers and cans and may end up stuffing them inside the cushion itself.
- Check underneath just about anything that can be moved, shoved aside or peeled aside. Every piece of furniture in the man cave is fair game for trash hide n' seek and possibilities for stuffing junk run deep. Don’t just look underneath the perimeter of the furniture; be sure to look all the way to the back, especially if it butts up against a wall.
- Look up. Junk may be hidden in odd places such as on top of high entertainment centers or even lamps. If you think like one of the guys, consider what you’d do with your bag of cookies after they’ve been eaten, but you really don’t want to get up and have to throw it away in the trash can. And if you're really unfortunate, there may even be something splattered on the ceiling from a manly competition to see who could throw highest (let's just hope for your man's sake that it hasn't involved your cooking).
- Deodorize. There’s a pretty good chance that your man has been sitting on his man cave couch after rolling around in the yard with the dog and it only gets worse when socks worn for days in a row are found stuffed into the sofa edges. To restore the odor-friendly equilibrium, your next line of defense is to deodorize and sanitize the place, as follows:
- Couches and chairs. If you had the foresight to put slip covers on all the upholstered items, take them off and wash them using the “sanitary” setting on your washing machine. However, if you are dealing with straight up upholstery, you can attack the situation a few ways. Rent or hire a steam cleaning company to sanitize upholstery or you could drown everything in Febreze (or another fabric deodorizing spray).
- Bleach and/or disinfect surfaces. The best way to murder germs is to go hard core and use bleach. Obviously, make sure bleach won’t damage the surface or you'll never hear the end of how you ruined the car trunk sale find of the century. For those areas that are tiled or have a non porous surfaces, bleach is probably fine; however, the only way to tell is to test the compound on a small, inconspicuous area. If you can’t use bleach, look for a disinfecting type agent instead. Even a wash down with vinegar and water will restore the healthy atmosphere.
- Air. Spray disinfectant in the air, between couch cushions, underneath furniture and inside trash cans to release odor and germs from the area.
- Choose scents he agrees to, he might prefer simple pine disinfectant to floral scents, "fresh bread" or other scents. His airspace is personal too and there are some scents you wouldn't want in your sewing room if he reciprocated and cleaned it. If he's allergic to scents just get it clean and air it out by opening the windows.
- Locate all used bowls, cups and plates. If you have noticed that some of the dishes are missing from their usual kitchen station, most likely you can locate them in the man cave. Look for cups, glasses, dishes, bowls and utensils in the same places where you found wrappers and beer bottles. Also, consider checking window sills or countertops. You might also find platters, salsa bowls and nacho dishes in the man cave. Be prepared for nasty residues on some items.
- Pick up ancillary items. From dirty clothes to pieces of unopened mail, gather all items that may have found a new home in the man cave and make a pile. Consider creating your pile on top of a cleaned countertop or, if you’ve already deodorized the couch make your pile on a couch cushion. The idea is to clear the room of items that normally don’t belong in the man cave so you can finish cleaning.
- Use an empty laundry basket to gather your bounty. An efficient way to gather the most items at once is to find a large basket or even a garbage bag to load up. Don’t worry about what you are picking up (as long as it’s not an empty chip bag or soda can––those go right into the trash), just gather and remove.
- Make a pile using a rake. If there appears to be a tremendous amount of “stuff” strewn across the floor, use a clean rake to make a pile and then place everything into basket or bag.
- Organize, dust and vacuum. Dig into your pile of “stuff” and begin to organize. Make smaller piles such as a pile for mail, magazines, clothing etc. If something simply needs to be put back on a shelf or returned to its original home in the man cave and continue to organize.
- Transport all piles back to the intended area. For example, if you have finally located the cable bill (amongst other pieces of mail), bring it to your desk or wherever you pay bills so it’s ready to be paid. Take dirty clothing to the laundry room, etc.
- Re-examine the room for errant scraps or items left behind. If you have a big job to do, it’s easy to overlook items so go back and give the room a once (or twice over) to ensure you’ve found everything.
- Using wood or another cleaner, remove dust from all surfaces. You may also need glass and other types of cleaners depending upon the furniture in the man cave.
- If your man cave has carpet, sprinkle the area with baking soda and/or deodorizing carpet freshener. Wait a few minutes to allow the solution to soak into the carpet and then vacuum.
- If the man cave has tile or wood flooring, sweep, Swiffer (using a duster) and then wash the floor using the recommended floor cleaner.
- Liberate yourself from cleaning the man cave. This step should really be the first step because you need to bring the man with you as you're cleaning. Because in reality, this needs to be a training session, in which you demonstrate what he will be doing from now on. His space, his responsibility. And the embarrassment may just be enough that you'll never have to set foot in there to clean again. And if you're really lucky, he might apologize by showing a special movie for the two of you in his man cave. Lucky you.
Tips
- Add a few air fresheners to the room such as a plug ins or perfume oil soaked wooden reeds. Make sure the scent is acceptable to the man whose cave it is or something like burned paper will replace it fast.
- Keep in mind that despite your rigorous efforts, the man cave may return to its previous state within a matter of days (or even hours). You need to be okay with this and know that you may have at least prevented a few health hazards with your work.
- Consider renting a carpet cleaner to remove the grime and any dirt hidden inside the carpet.
Warnings
- Not everyone will experience the grotty man grotto. Some man cave owners are very tidy and clean. If you experience this instead, this article isn't applicable, obviously.
- Before tossing everything in the room, ask your man to remove any valuables that could be misconstrued as junk.
Things You'll Need
- Cleaning gear
- Trash bags
- Medical examination gloves, several pair
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