Deal With Annoying Siblings

Having a positive relationship with your siblings can be extremely beneficial, particularly later in life. However, it's not always easy when your sibling has a habit of annoying you. Not only can it cause frustration and anger for you personally, it can cause conflict within your family and fill your home with tension. Figuring out how to handle your sibling's problematic behavior may take time, but with a little patience and reason, you can learn to defuse the situation and avoid conflict.

Steps

Confronting the Problem Directly

1. Find the reason for your sibling’s behavior. One of the best ways to understand your sibling’s actions is to ask him/her directly. While having a reason for annoying you doesn’t excuse your sibling’s actions, it may help you find a way to resolve the issue. Use a calm voice to politely ask why your sibling is acting the way he is.
   • In some cases, your sibling may be annoying you to get your attention. Try to determine if you’ve been excluding him from activities without realizing it.
   • Your sibling may resort to annoying behavior if he’s feeling nervous or scared about something. Talking about the problem may help him feel better, and put an end to his problematic behavior.
2. Explain your feelings. Sometimes, your sibling may not realize how annoying his behavior actually is. He may think that he’s just having some fun and not understand how hurtful his actions have been. Calmly express how you feel, so your sibling has a chance to reevaluate his behavior.
   • If your sibling is very young, use simple, clear language in order to help him understand the situation more easily. For example, you might say, "It makes me angry when you interrupt my homework," or "I get sad when you call me names."
   • If you’re having trouble explaining how you feel, try asking your sibling how he would feel if you treated him in the way that he’s treating you.
   • When a sibling keeps interrupting you while you’re in the middle of an important task, explain the circumstances surrounding your activity so he can understand just how important it is. You might say, "If you don't let me study for this test, I might fail my math class."
3. Negotiate a win-win solution. Once you both know how each other feels, it may be easier to resolve the issue in a way that satisfies you both. This often means compromising with your sibling.
   • If your sibling is acting out because he wants your attention, consider making plans to spend time with him later as long as he leaves you alone now.
   • When a sibling keeps borrowing your belongings without permission, you might identify some items that he is allowed to borrow if he asks first.
4. Know when to walk away. If you decide to confront your sibling directly, it’s important not to allow the situation to escalate. At the first sign of physical or violent behavior, such as poking, shoving, or hitting, avoid the temptation to retaliate and immediately tell a parent. If you feel yourself losing your temper, leave the room to spend some quiet time alone.

Preventing the Behavior

1. Set clear boundaries. Your sibling may unintentionally annoy you because he doesn’t understand what behaviors or actions upset you. Sitting down with him and establishing the type of actions that you consider acceptable can help you avoid problems. If your sibling crosses a boundary, have a parent intercede.
   • Your boundaries may involve physical space, such as your right to privacy in your room or the safety of your belongings, but they can also refer to emotional space, such as your right to spend time alone or not continue a conversation that upsets you.
   • If your sibling has a habit of calling you names, identify words that especially hurt you so he can avoid using them.
   • You may want to have your parents present when you discuss boundaries with your sibling. That can help show your sibling how serious you are about the limits you’re setting.
2. Avoid negative situations. Stopping annoying behavior before it starts is usually the easiest way to handle it. If there are certain situations that trigger your sibling to act out, do what you can to keep yourself out of them. Identify warning signs that indicate your sibling is in a bad mood, such as raising his voice, so you know when it’s best to walk away from him.
   • If your sibling is extremely competitive, don’t play games or engage in other activities where you face off against one another.
   • If your sibling gets cranky when he’s under stress, try to avoid him when he’s in high-pressure situations, such as studying for a test or preparing for a big game.
3. Calm down. It may seem easier said than done, but keeping your cool when your sibling irritates you can be an effective way to defuse the situation. Try to remain patient, and reign yourself in with some anger management techniques if you feel yourself getting upset.
   • Sometimes, giving yourself a quick time-out from the situation can help. Try counting to 10 in your head, so you take a minute to relax before reacting to your sibling.
   • You feel more relaxed if you’re sitting or lying down, so if you know you’re getting upset, take a seat to help your brain realize that it’s time to calm down.

Getting Help From Your Parents

1. Maintain a close relationship with your parents. By treating them with respect, taking care of your responsibilities, and displaying obedience, they’ll know that they can trust you. That means when you come to them with a problem with your sibling, your parents will be more likely to take you seriously and believe your side of the story.
2. Inform your parents of the problem. It’s important to stay calm when you’re describing the situation to your parents, so stick to the facts without getting overly emotional. If you’ve attempted to resolve the problem on your own, explain the steps that you’ve taken and your sibling’s reaction.
   • Be specific. Instead of offering a vague complaint like "John is being a jerk," say "John keeps interrupting me when I'm trying to study, and this test counts for 20 percent of my grade."
   • Talk to your parents when they’re not busy or distracted. If they’re in a good mood and more willing to listen to you, they can appropriately deal with the situation.
3. Request a clear declaration of consequences. If your sibling understands that he will be punished if he continues to behave in a problematic way, it may discourage him from bothering you. Have your parents explain the specific types of punishment your sibling can expect if he continues to annoy you (or you annoy him). Once everyone understands the consequences in your home, it may be easier to avoid conflict.
4. Ask for space. Sometimes, your sibling may annoy you because you are forced to spend too much time together. It may not be practical to ask your parents for your own room, but you can still request some space and time alone when you need it.
   • If you share a room with your sibling, have your parents set up a schedule so you each get some time alone in the room each week. Do the same with common spaces, such as the family room, den, or game room.
5. Suggest family meetings. You may be able to avoid conflicts with your sibling if you clear the air regularly. Ask your parents to hold weekly or monthly meetings so you can air grievances and share concerns.
   • If you want to make the meetings more fun, ask your parents to plan them around activities, such as baking cookies or sharing a meal. That can help everyone feel relaxed, so you’re all more comfortable.

Establishing a Friendship

1. Engage in meaningful activities. If you and your sibling participate in activities that require you to work together or create special memories, it can help establish a powerful bond that discourages your sibling from annoying you. Commit to spending time together regularly too, so it becomes a habit.
   • Look for activities that call for teamwork, such as doing a puzzle, building a model, or cooking dinner for your parents. By working together, you’ll learn to cooperate with one another and channel your energy into something positive."
   • If you and your sibling both enjoy a similar hobby or activity, try to find a way to make it special. For example, if you both like to bike, take him for a ride on your favorite trail. If you like the same types of movies, plan a marathon of your favorites for just the two of you.
2. Offer support. If he’s bothering you because he wants attention, playing a more active role in his life may help put an end to his problematic behavior. Take an interest in his school activities, hobbies, and friends, so he feels like he’s important to you. Make sure your sibling knows that he can talk to you if something is bothering him too.
3. Open up about your life. Relationships are a two-way street. Share as many details about your friends and the activities that you’re engaged in as you’re comfortable with, and let your sibling know that he can ask questions if he wants.

Tips

• If your sibling wants to fight, walk away. Nothing will be gained if you lose your temper too.
• Don't try to be their parent. It’s your parent's’ job to police your siblings’ behavior, and they’ll only resent you if you try to tell them what to do. If you’re concerned about behavior that doesn’t affect you directly, alert your parents.
• Friends may come and go from your life, but siblings are forever. Always remember what an important relationship it is.
• Keep in mind that younger siblings may not be as mature as you are, and try to exhibit some patience. They should start to behave more appropriate as they age.

Warnings

• Don't tell run to your parents too often because they may get agitated if you bother them with every little problem. Go to your parents for the worst cases, such as those that include violence and physical threats, or when you’ve unsuccessfully tried to resolve the issue yourself.
• Don't let things get carried away. If you or your siblings start to raise your voice, separate until everyone calms down.
• If your conflict gets too serious and involves weapons and threats, contact your parents or another adult that can help with the problem. Don't call 911 unless there is a real emergency.
• Don't say anything like "I hate you" or "Get out of my life!" Always think before you speak.
• Ask yourself whether your attitude can lead to your annoying sibling. You might get a sibling to be kinder if you apologize and take more ownership for what you do.

Related Articles

• Get Your Little Brother to Stop Bugging You
• Be a Good Sister
• Ignore Your Sister or Brother
• Deal With Little Sisters
• Go to Sleep Peacefully from Your Annoying Brother
• Deal With Your Annoying Little Brother
• Put up With an Annoying Sister
• Calm Your Hyper Little Sister
• Deal With Competitive Siblings
• Get Your Younger Brother to Stop Annoying You

Sources and Citations

See also

• Get Your Siblings to Shut Up
• Deal With a Younger Brother
• Deal With Little Sisters

What links here

• Annoy Your Brother