Forgive a Cheating Husband

When a husband cheats on his partner, the infidelity damages the marriage and causes intense emotional pain for all parties. While some people would walk away from the relationship without even thinking about reconciliation, others are willing to forgive and try to move forward. Forgive a cheating husband by communicating with him openly, working on trust and respect through therapy and seeking support when you need it.

Steps

Communicate

  1. Ask all the questions you need to of your husband. Some partners prefer not to hear the details of the affair, but if knowing them will help you forgive and recover, ask.
    • Try to focus on emotional questions rather than logistical questions. For example, instead of asking which hotel they met in, ask your husband why he decided to cheat. This is a healthier way to move towards forgiveness.
  2. Talk about how the affair makes you feel. Your husband needs to know you feel hurt, betrayed, sad, angry and everything else you have going on inside you.
  3. Listen to how your husband feels. He may have excuses or he may have a lot of regret, sorrow and self loathing to share with you.
    • Create an atmosphere where both of you feel safe sharing your emotions with each other so your marriage can move forward.
  4. Allow yourself to demonstrate your emotions. Yelling and crying is okay and understandable. Violence is not.
    • Remember that your husband will likely feel better about being honest if you are able to receive what he has to say without fighting or threatening to leave.
    • Give each other space when necessary. If you head towards an argument or emotions get out of control, take a timeout from the talks.
  5. Talk it out and then avoid revisiting the discussions about cheating. You will have a hard time forgiving if you talk about this affair for the rest of your life.
  6. Communicate nonverbally with each other. Show your commitment to the marriage by leaving notes, sending flowers and making time for one another so you can re-connect.

Therapy

  1. Ask your husband if he is willing to seek marriage counseling or couples therapy. This works for some people and not for others, but it is worth a try if you want to forgive and move on.
  2. Choose a counselor experienced in helping couples work through issues of infidelity.
  3. Look for a format that works best for your lifestyle and budget. You can visit a therapist once a week, go on a weekend retreat or take a class that helps you rebuild your marriage. Explore your options.
  4. Visit a counselor with the intention of avoiding divorce. If you want to forgive your husband and keep your marriage intact, let your therapist know that is the end goal.
  5. Ask your therapist for reading recommendations. There are some good books on how to forgive and move past infidelity in marriage.

Support

  1. Let well-meaning friends and family members know you are working on forgiveness and trying to save your marriage. This will discourage any talk of revenge or leaving from those who may have other ideas about what you should do.
  2. Talk about how you feel with your closest friends and family. You can discuss your doubts, pain and uncertainty without fear of judgment or disappointment.
  3. Look for support from church and community groups. You can talk to others who are going through the same thing and get strength from your shared experience.
  4. Focus on your reasons for forgiving. Your children, your plans for the future or your many years of memories can help you move towards forgiveness and away from anger and hurt.



Tips

  • Give yourself time. There is no timetable for forgiveness. Some people are able to forgive a cheating husband in a matter of days while for others it could take years. Take all the time you need to work through your emotions, pain and fears.

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Sources and Citations

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