Get Your Cat to Know and Love You

Cats can be difficult to bond with. Most are independent animals that don't need constant interaction with humans to be content. To strengthen your relationship with your cat, you will also need to create a safe, positive environment for it. You'll also need to teach the cat to associate you with things it already likes, such as food. Whether your cat it young or old, you can build a great relationship with it with a little work and patience.

Steps

Socializing a New Cat

  1. Socialize your cat as early as possible. To build a strong relationship with a cat, you must first ensure that it is comfortable with people in general. Socializing young kittens is important for their future relationships with people.
    • Socialization with people between 2 and 7 weeks of age sets the stage for the rest of the cat’s life.[1]
    • Socialization includes holding the kitten and encouraging it to interact with people and animals. These interactions need to be pleasant for the cat to want to continue them in the future.[2]
    • Consider kitten socialization classes. Your veterinarian likely has some resources for you to consider.[1]
  2. Be patient with older cats. If you have an older cat, don't despair. You can still work with it. Positive interactions go a long way at all ages to make friends with a cat.
    • Even a cat that has been feral (living wild, without people) for up to four years can be socialized.[3]
    • Socializing an older cat requires a great deal more time an patience. The steps described in this article still apply. But, you should be prepared for the cat to take a much longer time to accept you.
  3. Create a comfortable environment for the cat. A cat won’t want to socialize if it doesn’t feel comfortable and safe. Create a calm and non-threatening environment when introducing a new cat to your home.
    • Begin by putting it in a quiet room where it can get comfortable in the space. Your bedroom is a good choice. Spending time here will help your cat get used to your scent.[4] Gradually allow the cat to explore more of the environment as it becomes more comfortable.
    • Give the cat comfortable and fun surfaces to lay on (and in). A cat tree can be great for a cat that needs a little security and a place to call their own.
    • The cat should have access to food, water, a litter box, and a scratching post.[5]
  4. Keep a respectful distance. Don’t hover over or crowd the cat. By staying calm and keeping your distance, you’re showing the cat you aren’t a threat and it shouldn’t fear you.
    • This is especially important for older cats that are not used to spending time around people. Giving a cat like this too much attention will actually do more harm than good. You must let a cat like this come to you.
    • Sit and read or watch TV, ignoring the cat. Scatter treats or the cat’s food around the room and encourage the cat to hang out and hunt for food.[6] The cat will follow the treats and slowly get closer to you. Stay still. Don’t reach out or talk to the kitty at first. Let them get used to hanging out in the same room. The food is creating a positive association with you being nearby.
    • Let the cat come to you. Dangle or toss a toy to make yourself more interesting. Don’t try to pet the cat right away, as you may scare it. Let your presence be non-threatening at first, then work up to petting the cat, even one pet at a time. Don’t push it, or you will need to start over winning your cat’s trust.[6]
    • Remember that it may take awhile for your cat to know that you do not intend to harm it. It doesn't know you yet. Show it your love by being patient when it is new to your home.
  5. Use a pheromone diffuser to calm a scared cat. These diffusers contain a calming cat pheromone that can help an anxious cat feel comfortable and relaxed.
    • Pheromone diffusers are very simple to use. All you have to do is plug them into a wall outlet, like many commercial air-freshening products. Then, just check them periodically to ensure they haven't run out of liquid.
    • You can find these diffusers at most pet and online retailers.
  6. Pet the cat gently when it invites you to. Cats are easily over-stimulated, and a cat will become anxious or defensive if you try to show it affection when it isn’t welcome. Make sure the cat associates you with wanted, gentle affection, not anxiety.
    • Gently pet the cat if it rubs against you. When your cat rubs itself on your body, that is a friendly gesture. Reinforce the connection it is making with you by taking the opportunity to pet.
    • Cats like to have their heads and necks scratched. They also like gentle pets on the back, right where the spine meets the tail.[7] Full-back strokes can be overstimulating and cause a cat distress to the point it may claw or bite you.
    • Offering a treat after handling your cat helps it create a positive association with touch.[7]
  7. Pick up your cat when it is relaxed. Pet the cat as long as it seems to enjoy it, and then pick it up and deliver it to a nice sunny spot or to food. You are trying to create the idea that being picked up is a good thing.
    • Don't forcibly hold a cat that doesn't want you to.[8] This could break the trust you have built up with them. This is especially crucial for older cats.
    • There are times when you will need to pick up your cat against its will, for instance when you need to put it in a carrier. Be sure to do this as gently as possible, making sure to calm the cat with a nice tone of voice, petting, and perhaps even treats.
  8. Seek veterinary intervention if all else fails. Fearful and anxious adult cats may need prescription medication to help the socialization process. Talk to your veterinarian if the suggestions above don't seem to work.[9]
    • There are veterinary behavior specialists that may be able to help in extreme cases. Ask your regular vet for a referral.

Building a Positive Relationship With Your Cat

  1. Make sure you are the one feeding the cat. Once your cat is comfortable with your presence, you can start building a positive relationship. Food is a powerful motivator, and you want to be the person your cat associates with food. This will help your cat associate something positive to your presence.
    • Feed your cat two or three small meals a day, rather than leaving food out. That will reinforce the association between you and food. If you leave dry food out for your cat, you can still use small meals of wet food in this way.
    • Stay in the room while your cat eats, to help strengthen the association between you and the food. You can also pet the cat while it eats.
    • Feeding high-value treats will also reinforce that you are the provider of all things good and tasty. Use the treats to reinforce good behavior, such as if the cat rubs up against your leg or shows you affection.[10]
  2. Make sure your cat is spayed or neutered. It will be easier for a cat to bond with you if it isn’t driven by the instinct to mate with other cats.[6]
    • Spaying and neutering is also important to limit cat populations. This is especially important if your cat will live partially outdoors.[11] If your cat is not spayed or neutered, contact a veterinary clinic or your local humane society to set up an appointment.
  3. Speak to your cat. Talk to your cat often, using a calm and non-threatening tone.[12] Your tone of voice, along with your body language, conveys a message. Make sure that message is kind and gentle.
    • Yelling at a cat (or any animal for that matter) will frighten it and cause it to distrust you. Even if your cat has misbehaved, try not to shout at it.[13]
  4. Play with your cat. Once the cat feels comfortable approaching you, dangle a toy or string to invite the cat to play. Your cat may not want to play with you all the time, so take the opportunity when it does to bond with your pet.
    • Many cats like catnip. Consider buying a toy that contains the herb to encourage play.[6]
    • Playing with your cat will be most successful when the cat invites you to interact with it. For example, it may rub up against you or climb on you. While you can sometimes entice a cat to play with a flashy toy or a dangling string, your cat may ignore you if it doesn't want to play.
  5. Keep your cat, and it's litter box, clean. Cats need a clean coat and clean surroundings to be content. Clean out it's litter box regularly, so it does not have to use filthy litter. A dirty litter box will often make a cat anxious and unhappy, leading it to act out.[14]
    • While your cat will probably spend a lot of time grooming, you may want to groom it yourself to bond with it. Try brushing the animal with a brush made for cats. Some cats will not allow you to, but others will enjoy the sensation. This will have the added benefit of lessening the cat fur in your house, especially if your cat is a long-haired breed.[15]
  6. Keep your cat healthy. A cat may become withdrawn or avoidant if it has unaddressed health issues. Make sure to take you cat in for regular veterinary check-ups. Contact the vet if you notice significant changes in your cat’s health or behavior.
    • Your cat will not know that you are looking out for its well-being by taking it for check-ups. But, keeping it healthy is actually the best way for you to express your affection.
    • The cat may not show you love while you are putting it in a cat carrier, but the healthy years you get to spend together should more than make up for that.
  7. Recognize the signs of affection. Everybody knows that purring is a sign of a contented cat. You may not know that a slow blink from your cat is also a sign of contentment and acceptance.
    • Try slow blinking back to your cat. Some people call this a “cat kiss.” Your cat may recognize this as a sign that you are non-threatening, and that you are a friend.[16]

Tips

  • Be patient. Some cats are more shy than others and will take them more time to warm up to people. However, if you work at it, the relationship you build with your cat will be worth the time and effort.
  • While a kitten may come to accept and even love you very quickly, an older cat, especially a stray or feral one, will take a long time to be affectionate. Even when it does, it may never be as docile as a cat that you bonded with as a kitten. If you take in an older cat, prepare for it to be aloof and skittish for a long. You must be very patient with these animals.[3]

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 http://www.aspca.org/pet-care/virtual-pet-behaviorist/cat-behavior/socializing-your-kitten
  2. ↑ https://www.aspca.org/pet-care/virtual-pet-behaviorist/cat-behavior/socializing-your-kitten
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 http://www.straypetadvocacy.org/feral_animals.html
  4. ↑ http://cattime.com/helping-your-shy-cat-feel-more-comfortable.html
  5. ↑ http://www.humanesociety.org/animals/cats/tips/bringing_new_cat_home.html
  6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 6.2 6.3 http://pets.webmd.com/cats/features/how-to-bond-with-a-cat
  7. ↑ 7.0 7.1 http://www.perfectpaws.com/handle.html#.VUkjG5NcKT8
  8. ↑ http://www.catchannel.com/experts/marilyn-krieger/no-picking-up-cats.aspx
  9. ↑ http://www.petmd.com/cat/conditions/behavioral/c_ct_fear_phobia_anxiety?page=2
  10. ↑ http://pets.webmd.com/cats/guide/kitten-training-tips
  11. ↑ http://www.humanesociety.org/issues/pet_overpopulation/facts/why_spay_neuter.html
  12. ↑ https://www.petcentric.com/07-21-2009/talking-to-your-pets
  13. ↑ http://tipsaboutcats.com/2011/10/12/tips-on-bad-cat-behavior/
  14. ↑ http://santamariatimes.com/lifestyles/columnist/catalyst-for-cats/a-clean-litter-box-makes-happy-cat/article_7272ddb0-e745-11e0-af99-001cc4c002e0.html
  15. ↑ http://www.knowyourcat.info/info/catbrushing.htm
  16. ↑ http://www.catbehaviorassociates.com/cat-kisses/

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