Have a Serious Talk with Your Boyfriend Without Freaking Him Out
You know the signs of panic when you see it. He gets a little twitchy, his heartbeat increases, the white of his eyes show and the next thing you know you get that "I forgot I have to work early in the morning...gotta go." Nothing is more frustrating than trying to have a serious discussion about commitment with a man. But there are ways...
Contents
Steps
- Know that the time and place is extremely important! If a man is tired from work or hungry or watching sports, he is not going to be ready to listen to anything, especially relationship issues. You need to pick a time when he is relaxed and open to talk. The best times are often after a nice meal or after you just blew his mind away with the best sex he's ever had. When going this route though, tread carefully or he may feel set up.
- Preparing yourself mentally is as important as your makeup. Write down what you want to say and the reasons you want/need to say them. Once you have your list, practice how you will say things. If you speak calmly and confidently he will be less apt to get upset.
- Don't raise your voice if the conversation isn't going well. If you see that you misjudged the time, cancel immediately and change subject to something he enjoys talking about. See step one.
- Allow him time to respond and keep in mind that men process things differently. You may have to allow him to think over things awhile.
- Remember that men may have simple or complex reasons for things,just as females do. Don't expect there to be complex reasons for everything, but don't automatically assume everything is simple. If you are asking to move in together or for anything along those lines and he says no, don't jump on him immediately. Instead, allow him to express his reasons. You may find any reason present from him being nervous about the state of the relationship to he really just wants to live alone/with other roommates for now just because. The only way you will be able to get him to express his true reason is by behaving calmly and letting him know that it is safe to be open and honest with you. Allow him time to fully express himself before passing judgment or making comments. It is important to understand that, just like you, he may have spoken in a rush and said something he didn't mean due to miscommunication or "foot-in-mouth" syndrome that comes on during serious conversations because of nerves. If what he said doesn't match what he meant to express, allow him to say it again in more accurate terms without holding the original misunderstanding against him; this will allow him to feel safe in communicating to you and will ensure that he is being completely open.
- Do unto him as you would have him do unto you! = Don't treat him any other way than you want to be treated. If you yell at him, and call him names or give him the cold shoulder, expect him not to listen to anything you say.
- Hopefully these tips will help you set the tone for your talk. If you follow these, you will hopefully get the result you hope for, if not, at least get his honest answer. Always keep in mind that men sometimes use the wrong words and may end up saying something they don't mean. Be patient with your man. Be kind and he will respond. Above all speak with love! That should be your reason #1.
Tips
- Take him out for a date. A nice restaurant, a movie that he likes that you pay for go along way to relaxing him. Butter him up baby!
Warnings
- If you make things too formal he will panic before you even get to talking.
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- Show Your Boyfriend You Care
- Have a Healthy Relationship
