Invite a Friend Over

It can be hard to make the change from acquaintances to close friends. Even though you might be comfortable with someone at school or work, inviting them to your house is daunting. If you are nervous about inviting someone over, it can be beneficial to plan ahead. By asking at the right time and preparing yourself for unexpected situations, you can invite your friends over without being afraid of rejection.

Steps

Making Sure the Time is Right

  1. Establish that you have common ground with the person that you invite over. Choose someone that you have some inside jokes with, or someone who likes the same books or bands that you do. Choose someone who you feel good being with. [1]
    • When you have decided to ask someone over to your house, don't think ahead. Thinking ahead can make you nervous about potential outcomes that aren't even a possibility yet. Just remember that even if you are rejected, it's really not as big a deal as it feels at the time.[2]
  2. Ask your parents or guardian before you invite your friend over. This will prevent any awkward last-minute cancellations. It can also be beneficial to avoid times that siblings might be around.
  3. Find an opportune moment to ask your friend to hang out. In order to make more concrete plans, wait until you are both talking enthusiastically about something you both want to do, whether it's to watch a new episode of a T.V. show, or try a new recipe.
    • Make plans as soon as you both agree on an activity that you want to take part in. For example, "There's a new episode of that TV show out on Wednesday. Do you want to hang out at my place and watch it then?” Or, “I have all the ingredients for that recipe. Do you want to make it tomorrow after school?”

Getting Ready for the Visit

  1. Confirm the visit. Call your friend and ask them if it was alright with their parents, and if they are still up for coming over. Remind them of what you planned on doing so that they can get excited about the visit.
    • Don’t text to confirm. Texts are too easy to forget. It can be scary to call someone to make sure that they are coming, so just jump right into it without dragging it out awkwardly. Try saying “Hey, [friend’s name]! I just wanted to see if your parents said it was all right for you to come over tomorrow, so I could get things ready”.
  2. Get your house ready for your guest. Tidy up your room, and if you want, get out interesting conversation starters or games. If you planned on watching a movie or making a recipe, make sure you have everything that you need. Make sure you provide something simple to eat-- you don't want your friend to leave early because they're hungry.
  3. Do something while you wait for your friend to show up. If you just sit there waiting, you might get nervous. When they arrive, greet them warmly and show them around.
    • Don’t fall into the trap of trying to think of what the two of you might say. The best conversations happen naturally. Ask your friend questions, either about things you have in common, or things you want to learn more about them. [3]

Making the Visit Go Smoothly

  1. Don't let a moment of awkwardness ruin the visit. If you can sense that your friend does not want to talk about something, turn the conversation back to the activity you originally planned, or suggest a new activity.
    • It is not your job to be funny or interesting. Experts say that the conversations that people find the most interesting are the ones where they are able to talk about their own interests the most. All you have to do is ask your friend about what interests them, and listen carefully, so you can ask follow-up questions.
  2. Be flexible and spontaneous. If your activities don’t work out, suggest something that you usually like to do. If all else fails, take a walk or get food. Don’t let changes ruin the visit.
    • Remember that some of the best visits are not centered around an activity at all. Activities are really just an excuse to hang out and talk. If the two of you are having a good time without doing the activity, don't rush into doing it. If the conversation ever runs out, the activity will be a good way to break the silence.
  3. Remember that some friendships take time to grow. Don't expect to be best friends as soon as the visit is over. [4] Just be confident in the fact that you were able to successfully ask someone over, and keep doing it until it becomes second nature.

Tips

  • Always remember that rejection is a part of life and is not necessarily a reflection of you. Sometimes rejection has nothing to do with you at all.
  • Remember that silences in a conversation does not mean that it is going badly. Don't allow yourself to become nervous as a result of a silence.

Warnings

  • Never set something up if one of the parents doesn't agree. They will find out and you both could get in trouble, jeopardizing the friendship.
  • If your friend doesn't accept, don't get mad. There could be many reasons that they cannot come over. If it seems like they really do want to come over in the future, don't let past rejections stop you from suggesting it again.

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/how-to-make-friends.htm#look
  2. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_frTV6rLiYA&feature=youtu.be&t=3m35s
  3. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6n3iNh4XLI&feature=youtu.be&t=1m26s
  4. ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/deepenfriendship
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