Know when You Are Grown Up

Adulthood doesn't magically arrive at age 18 or 21. In general, being grown up indicates that you’ve evolved into a new stage in your life in which you take your career, relationships, and future more seriously. At the very least, you have more concern for your future needs and are no longer as easily persuaded by shallow thrills and aimless meandering. If you feel as though you’re stuck in adolescence but you feel the stirrings of maturity, there are things you can do to check whether you are ready for the next stage of life. Remember that no two grown-ups are alike, and you may fit certain guidelines but not others.

Steps

Analyzing Your Relationships

1. Measure the quality of your relationships. Friendships take more effort to maintain as you age. You may find your social networks becoming wider, yet you may not have as many close, tight-knit relationships. You may have a few friends you’ve known all your life as well as some dedicated new friends from different points in your life. Look at how long your current relationships have lasted — both romantic and non-romantic.
   • Have you been able to maintain quality relationships for a long time?
   • Are you able to get through difficult periods and keep your friends around?
   • Have you had long-term, stable romantic partnerships?
   • If you said yes to any of these questions, you may be managing grown-up relationships.
2. Reflect on your conflict resolution skills. Even the most mature adults get into arguments. How you handle the argument is more telling than what started it. Grown-ups know how to respect each other’s differences. They remain calm during tense situations. They can agree to disagree or compromise to find a solution. They also know when to apologize and forgive without holding grudges.
3. Think about what you look for in a romantic relationship. When you're young and immature, it's all about the chemistry and fireworks. As you grow older, you may look for a partner who is as much compatible as they are exciting. Ask yourself the following questions. If you answer yes, you may be involved in a mature relationship.
   • Do you and your partner work through your problems? Do you apologize to one another? Can you forgive each other during arguments?
   • Do you and your partner make compromises? Do you accommodate their needs? Do they accommodate yours?
   • Do you and your partner respect each other’s boundaries? Are you both able to have separate social lives, hobbies, interests, and jobs without becoming jealous or controlling?
4. Imagine your perfect social gathering. Where does it take place? How many people are there? What are you doing? When you were younger, you may have wanted loud, crowded parties at clubs or bars. As you grow older, you may find yourself seeking quieter time with your friends. Sometimes, you might still want that big party. Generally, however, you may find that hosting dinner and game night at your home is more entertaining.
5. Consider how you relate to children. As you grow up, you begin to separate yourself more and more from the younger generation. You may dislike their taste in music, clothes, or entertainment. You may find yourself disapproving of their choices in life. You may think that they are badly behaved compared to your generation. You may also might appreciate their innocence, play, humor, and freedom from responsibility that is often lost in adulthood. This shows that you are creating a difference between yourself, as an adult, and children.
   • If you have children, you may start worrying about their future. Children often force people to grow up quickly, no matter how old they are. You may be more aware of how your decisions affect their life, their behavior, and their future. Your decisions will start to include their welfare as well as your own.

Managing Your Responsibilities

1. Create a list of your obligations and responsibilities. Being a grown-up is not just about having responsibilities; it’s about fulfilling your obligations and promises in a timely manner, too. Think about all the things you are responsible for. Do you accomplish tasks quickly and without being reminded? Some common grown-up responsibilities include:
   • Taking care of children
   • Caring for elderly parents
   • Paying a mortgage or rent
   • Maintaining a working car
   • Shopping and cooking for a household
2. Identify your priorities. When you were young, your top priorities may have been to take care of yourself and to have fun. As you mature, your priorities start to revolve around taking care of others in addition to yourself. You may be more concerned about health, retirement, or your debt. You will plan to be financially stable instead of rich. You will start to save money for your children's education or for insurance costs. You may even have a plan in the event of your death or the death of your spouse.
3. Analyze your living situation. Living independently is often a goal of adulthood. Being able to clean, fix, and manage your own home is a sign that your personal life is in order. Look around your home, and consider the following:
   • How clean is your home? Tidiness is often a sign of maturity. You may start washing your dishes immediately after dinner, or you may start to dust once a week.
   • Who do you live with? Living alone may indicate that you are independent. Living with roommates and significant others shows that you can maturely share a space with others. Living with your parents might be a sign that you haven’t quite transitioned into adulthood, or it may mean that you need some time to achieve financial independence.
   • Who fixes your home? If something breaks, taking care of it yourself is a major sign of responsibility. If the problem is outside of your ability, you should be able to call a professional in a timely manner, instead of waiting until the problem worsens.
4. Ask yourself who depends on you. Being grown-up isn’t just about taking care of yourself. It also involves taking care of others. You may have many people who rely on you for certain things. Being dependable is a strong sign of maturity. Answering yes to any of the following questions means that you have grown-up responsibilities.
   • At work, do you lead any teams? Are you responsible for certain clients? Do you manage certain tasks? Do you lead a carpool?
   • Do you take care of any family members? Do you have children? Do you have pets? Is anyone in your family sick or disabled?
   • Do you help your friends out when they are in need? Are you in charge of certain group activities?
5. Consider your financial stability. Many people use financial stability as the ultimate mark of an independent adult. This can be difficult for some people, and many young adults must rely on some sort of aid from their parents. Look over your finances. Consider how well you manage them. Ask yourself the following questions. If you say yes to many of these questions, you are probably at least somewhat financially independent.
   • Do you pay taxes?
   • Do you pay rent or a mortgage? Do you pay on time?
   • Do you save money or invest?
   • Do you pay your bills on time?
   • Do you worry about things such as your credit score?
   • Do you have debt? Are you able to pay it off in a timely manner?

Assessing Your Mindset and Habits

1. Think about the future. Where do you see yourself five years down the line? Ten? Do you have a plan, or are you still waiting for things to just happen? When you're a kid, your mindset is in the here and now. Maybe you think about what's going to happen tomorrow or this summer. You know you're a grown-up when you think seriously about your life many years down the line. You might want to take action to influence your future life. You may look more for stability instead of adventure. This can manifest in a few different ways:
   • You invest in a retirement fund.
   • You purchase more expensive but sturdier products that will last you for years instead of cheap goods that you plan to throw out.
   • You’re planning to have children. If you have children already, you’re planning for their futures as well as your own.
2. Consider how important your health is to you. The more mature you become, the more you realize how your decisions can impact your health. You start thinking about the long-term effects of your diet and exercise regime. You may even start working out more to keep a youthful figure. You might worry about dying. Reflect on your health habits.
   • Do you worry about joint pain or flexibility?
   • Do you exercise so that you can live longer?
   • Do you exercise because of your cardiovascular (heart) health or to improve a medical condition, such as high cholesterol?
   • Do you worry about high salt, sugar, or fat intake?
   • Do you often think about your own mortality?
3. Notice how you make decisions. When people are young, they often care a lot about what their peers, family, and conventional society will think of them. They may make decisions based on what their parents wish for them or what is a "normal" path for people in their community. Making decisions based not on these influences but instead on what is best and most fulfilling for you is a sign of true maturity. There may come a point in your life in which you care less about prescribed or conventional opinion and focus on what will bring you satisfaction. This may end up being in line with what is "typical" or expected, or it may look very different.
4. Determine how your tastes have changed. What did you like 10 or 20 years ago that you don't like anymore? What do you enjoy now that you hated when you were a kid? You may have changed your mind on things you used to think were boring or gross. Some signs that you are growing up include:
   • You may start to think that the music teenagers and college students are listening to is awful compared to the music you listened to at that age.
   • You might start to like movies and TV shows that you would've thought were boring in the past.
   • You might take the time to decorate your home instead of just slapping up posters.
   • You may typically prefer cooking for yourself rather than getting fast food.
5. Map out your routines. Mature adults tend to have many routines and habits that they adhere to religiously. Think about all of your routines and habits. What do you do every day? Is there something you can’t do without? Are there certain rituals that help you get through tough patches? These may include:
   • Drinking a cup of coffee every morning
   • Having a date night with your significant other on the same day every week
   • Not being able to fall asleep without brushing your teeth
   • Eating dinner at the same time every day
6. Reflect on your nostalgia. Adults often love to reminisce about their past. If you find yourself daydreaming about your youthful glory days, you may be experiencing one of the key markers of adulthood. While you can remember the old days fondly, try to have fun in the moment, too. Perhaps in ten or twenty years, you will consider this period of your life to be the best.
7. Track your awareness of current events. You may find yourself more concerned with current events than you used to be. Perhaps you read or watch the news more often than you used to. You may find yourself more politically active. You might be worried with how global markets or disasters affect your lifestyle. You might also be more persuaded to donate to charities. These are all signs of a mature interest in world events and causes.
8. Record how much sleep you get. Recall a time when sleeping for ten hours straight was a treat. If it’s now impossible, you're probably growing up. Older people need less sleep. They will often use the extra time to take care of their responsibilities. You may find yourself waking up earlier, or you may not take as many naps as you used to. Getting up early to do extra chores may not bother you as much anymore.

Tips

• Many factors can affect your personal situation, and you may be a grown-up even if you don’t fit traditional definitions. For example, living with a parent is often read as a sign of immaturity because you are depending on them for financial and social support. If your parent is sick, however, and you are caring for them, it is considered an extremely grown-up thing to do.
• Becoming more polite may be a sign of growing up. For example, you stop calling people “dude” or “man,” and you use people's first name as a form of acknowledging them. In fact, you might not even mind referring to people by their title or even Sir or Madam!
• Age is not a sign of maturity. While some may be completely independent at 18, others might not find true maturity and independence until their 30s or 40s.

Warnings

• Many of these maturity cues are cultural and can vary depending on circumstances. All of these things involve choices. You might not lose a taste for sweets and carry that into old age. You might never become a tidy person or enjoy getting up in the morning, or become more formal.
• Being grown-up also means that you can still have fun and be silly. Don’t take yourself too seriously. In fact, the adult who is able to see the world through childlike eyes will never lose a sense of wonder and awe. Just don't confuse this with childishness.
• The biggest risk in these age-related lifestyle changes is that people live and die by the calendar, giving up things they still genuinely enjoy and taking up things they're bored with in an effort to conform and fit in. Breaking age conventions can keep you youthful and interesting for life.

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Sources and Citations

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