Make People Love You
Do you want to be one of those happy, popular people who everyone seems to love? While you can't guarantee making anyone change their feelings about you, you can try to make yourself more lovable.
Contents
Steps
- Realize from the outset that you cannot make another person love you. This is essential to understand before setting about persuading people you're worth the effort of love. Second, understand that you're not going to benefit from chasing love. Rather, this has to be about you being your best self and caring for people you know and meet because you want to be that way. But more on that later...
- Understand that being lovable is not about popularity. Do not confuse the two concepts. They are worlds apart.
Being an approachable person
- Have an open, loving attitude. If you want to be loved, love everyone. Be nice, gentle and friendly toward everyone. No one can find fault with the kindest person. Speak in a gracious way. Be respectful to all.
- Do the basics. Attend to personal hygiene and dress appropriately for your age and peer group. If you respect yourself and take pride in your appearance, people will appreciate this and respect your effort in turn.
- Smile and be approachable. Be full of compassion. Even if a person says or does things with which you do not agree, be compassionate and try to stand in their shoes to reach an understanding of their motivations. Practice this regularly until it becomes a habit.
Interacting with friendliness
- Speak up and state your own values clearly. Live by your morals and ideals. Do what you say. Always be learning.
- Have time for others. The greatest thing you can give is your time and energy.
- Be yourself. You want people to like you for who you are- not for who they think you are or represent.
- Have fun and relax. When you are around others, don't be uptight or nervous. Make sure other people around you see that you are relaxed and happy, not stressed out and upset. If people think you are carefree they will want to be around you more than if they think you are nervous about everything and this will make them love.
- Be honest without being rude. Be authentic when you compliment and actually mean what you say. If there isn't anything nice to say, you could say nothing. However, even better is to challenge yourself to find at least one good thing about someone that you can say without making it up. Give it a try––it'll help you see the better side of everyone you meet.
- Give people their space. Clinginess terrifies people because they are being made to feel responsible for the person clinging. This isn't lovable behavior––it's a form of suffocation. If you find yourself being clingy, remind yourself of the value of being independent and giving people the best of yourself rather than trying to hide under the shelter of another.
- Be someone prepared to give second chances. Don't judge others for their mistakes; there but for the grace of circumstance go you. Always remind yourself that the position someone is in could very well be the position you're in some day thanks to the vagaries of life, luck and coincidences. Be understanding, be ready to investigate deeply and be ready to forgive.
- Remember this: If you want your friends and close ones to love you when you're unlovable, the same is expected of you for them. It's only fair.
- Have trust and faith. Send love out there to others. Have the faith it will come back to you from the persons who matter.
Taking good care of yourself
- Look after yourself first so that you can look after others well. If you have a lot of emotional baggage and inner turmoil, you won't be able to inspire, help or support others because you're not in the right place. On the other hand, if you take care of yourself first, there will be room for caring for others as well.
- Self sacrifice may seem noble but it comes at the expense of expressing yourself properly. It can lead to resentment, bitterness and feeling unfulfilled. Seek a balance between being there for others and being attentive to yourself too.
- Surround yourself with what makes you happy. Consider your body a sponge absorbing everything around you. You can only have so much happiness before you will start to give it off to those around you. Same with anger, sadness, jealousy. It is a way to keep your emotions balanced.
- This doesn't mean dismissing those you care about when they're down and going through hard times. People need support during such times, and their negativity is temporary and does not define them. Be helpful and kind, help them through these times by letting them know they have your support.
- Realize that you determine your limits. These are limits that others see and respect. If your limits are low, people will cross that line and respect you less for that. If you want people to love you, love yourself in order to be lovable.
- People can't love you if you don't love yourself.
- Be confident. When someone has low self-esteem, people usually don't want love them. If people realize that you are confident, while at the same time being selfless they will want to be around you.
- Don't try to be lovable. This may sound like a bizarre ending to an article about which getting people to love you is the very essence. But the point is this––you can be as lovable as you can be but what matters is the why. If you are being lovable because that is your intrinsic nature, your dearest desire and your thing that you want to put out there into the world, then it's authentic, good and self-nurturing. On the other hand, if you're doing this to be liked, to be loved in turn, then you're chasing validation rather than expressing yourself genuinely. Be careful not to get this motivation mixed up and most of all, don't be a sucker for needing validation from other people.Remind yourself often that this is about you being you, not about garnering the world's love in return. Love will come but it's not the end point for your exercise in being a lovable human being.
- Be lovable in order to express your true self, not to gain accolades and win friends.
- Realize that even with the kindest, most caring intent in the world, you will still rub someone people the wrong way and some people will just dislike you, because they can or want to.
Tips
- Treat others how you wish to be treated.
- Keep calm all the time, try not to get into fights.
- Get an Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr or Facebook account to show the best parts of you.
- Some people just don't love any one. Don't let it get you down if some people still don't like you. There are many more good friends out there.
- There are people who value their personal space, do not intrude on their alone time if they are pulling away from you as you draw near.
- Try to be there for the people who were always there for you.
- Don't have a selfish, mean, self-centered manner. People won't like it and maybe won't like you.
- Try to be sincere to yourself, before others.
Warnings
- Avoid telling lies. Be a genuine person.
- Don't be a pushover. Even though you are being nice, friendly and gentle, do not let people walk all over you.
- Don't be a bully, treat people as you would want to be treated.
- Don't be a people pleasing seeker. If you accept, love and respect yourself unconditionally then appropriate people, not everyone, will love you. In turn, this sensible approach will help to make you a happier person.
- Don't suck up to people if they're giving you hints to stay away. There are plenty of other people who will willingly accept your banter.
- Don't change who you are just so someone will like you it's not worth it if they don't like you for you then they are not worth it.
- Don't put yourself first all the time; consider others and see how you can be useful to the situation they're in.
- Don't shout at people, or say they are stupid and belittle them if they don't understand something straight away. Be patient with everyone.
