Make Smoke Pipes From Everyday Objects

Can't remember where you put your pipe? Bummer! Not to worry, you have things around your house—- even in your refrigerator!—- that will fit together to help you vaporize your favorite herbal remedies. We'll show you how to do it.

Steps

Flexible-Drawtube One-Heater with Screened Socket-Wrench Crater

  1. Review the diagram. A screenshot of finished crater-head, to which a 20 inch/50 cm flexible tube (hookah-hose) is attached.
  2. Gather the supplies you'll need:
    • Sharp shears to trim the screen
    • A 7/32 inch (5.5 mm), 6-mm or 1/4 inch (6.3 mm) (hex end diameter) socket from a socket wrench set.
      • This is about the correct hex-end crater size to permit a low-temperature 25-mg serving of sifted herb—or 25-mg pinch of the shredded tobacco from any conventional cigarette. (A "regular" cigarette contains 700 mg net weight of tobacco, or enough for 28 "single toke" servings. A "beedi" contains 450 mg, a "joint" typically 500-mg.)
    • Wire mesh #40x40 screen (40 windows per linear inch), any kind of metal but aluminum.-- With strong sharp shears, cut the screen into 7/16 inch (11 cm) squares. If you are buying round, pre-cut screens, look for 7/16 inch (11 cm) diameter, mesh-40, and proceed as described below—though you will not need to cut away as much corner wire.
    • A 3/16 inch (4.7-mm) outer diameter flat-ended stick or metal tube-segment for pre-shaping screen
    • A flat-ended 1/8-inch-diam. or narrower Allen wrench, tube segment, blunt nail, etc. long enough to stick through from the other end of the socket, and expel from the socket (or other screen-shaping device), the newly-shaped screen.
    • 20 inch (50 cm) of 1/4 inch-outer-diameter flexible tube-- a food-grade PVC product is widely available
    • A 2-inch (5cm) safety pin, sharp enough to use for gently clearing ash from screen windows by scratching screen each time before next use, strong enough for (rarely) leveraging out the screen to clean utensil interior.
    • Some salvaged 20th-century 1-mm-o.d. solid-core, color-code-shielded landline phone wire-- see demolition companies about last-minute access to old buildings with a ladder to harvest it in the large wire cables which run to where office phones used to be. Or buy it from the demo company before they sell it to scrappers! You should have lots of this wire on hand for millions of craft uses, which can also be taught to children, seniors, etc., use some and distribute some to day care centers, schools, crafts organizations etc.
    • Electrical tape, for sealing leak at junction between both parts of the one-heater-- the craterhead and the drawtube. Try green or other decorative color.
    • Choomette Option: a piece of wood 4 inches long, up to an inch thick, which can be slightly conical, can be made into the "choomhandle", i.e. handlestick on a "Choomette" one-heater, with the socket wrench crater-head at the top end and a flexible drawtube attached to the butt end.
  3. Make the screen. (More details in preparation at "Make a 1/4"-diam. Screen for a Single-Toke Utensil"!). Cut, reshape and trim a 7/16-inch square screen into something resembling an upside-down bottle cap about 1/4 inch in diameter with sides 1/8 inch high:
    • Press it into the 7/32 inch (5.5 mm), 6.0 mm or 1/4 inch hex end of the socket piece.
    • Use a 1/8" (3-mm)-diameter flatted end wood stick, Allen wrench, nail or other blunt object to push it out, pressing through from the opposite end of the socket.
    • Trim away four remaining sticking-up wire tufts with shears, creating neat even sides that stick up exactly 1/8 inch all the way around the resulting cup-shaped screen.
  4. Install the screen into the crater: with a 3/16" flat-ended stick or tube wedge it about 3/16 inch (5 mm) down into the hex end of the socket piece. (Option: a small metal ring (or piece of screening shaped into a ring) pushed down first and fitting snugly against the walls may be helpful to support the screen at this height since most sockets are slightly deeper than 3/16".)
  5. Insert the draw tube. Push the 1/4"-outer-diameter draw tube into the opposite, square 1/4"-wide "driver" end hole of the socket as far as it goes. If your drawtube is a little loose, wrap a bit of tape around the last half inch to make it fit snugger.
  6. Seal over the resulting crack between socket and draw-tube with tape, eliminating any air leak.
  7. Decorate and insulate. Wrap 1-mm solid-core insulated phonewire around this taped area several times forming a secure grip (and tightening the air-leak closure), then form a 5-inch double wire-braid leading out to where the 2 inch safety pin is to be fastened, leaving two wire-leads about 1-1/2 inch (4.5-cm) long at the end of the braid. This total operation will require one or two pieces of phonewire adding up to a little less than two feet/50-cm.
  8. Attach the screen maintenance pin. With the two leads, wrap 5 loops of wire through the eye of the safety pin like little fingers, two going through one way and three the other, then wrap both wireleads tightly around the braid itself, forming a sort of thick wrist.
    • Use the firmly attached nearby handy safety pin to make your smoking utensil more practical and permanent, by gently scratch-clearing the screen passageways before the next 25-mg serving, while sucking air through the drawtube (don't worry, the ashes are nutritious). Occasionally, after first flame-heating the crater to loosen tars, carefully lever the screen out for an occasional internal-passage cleaning with an alcohol-moistened prickly pipecleaner. If your pin is too small and weak to pry out a screen, use a file-sharpened nail that can also be attached to the main device via a wirebraid, or kept with other supplies where you will find it when needed.
  9. CHOOMette option: wood-handlestick long-stemmed one-hitter. Drill a four-inch (10-cm)-long, trimmed, sanded, carved, painted, etc. wood piece (something about the size of a traditional "chillum") so that
    • (a) one end-- the thicker top-part-- has an opening just the right width to fit the bottom (square-hole, or "driver") end of your socket wrench tightly in it, and
    • (b) the other end-- the narrower-- has a quarter-inch hole into which a quarter-inch-o.d. flexible tube (such as food-grade PVC) fits snugly. If you have a different diameter of flexible hose for the drawtube, drill a butt-hole sized to match it. If insert-hole is too loose, dab latex glue on the wood inside the hole and let dry; or wrap a half-inch of the insert end of the drawtube with tape.
      • The advantage of having your socket wrench craterpiece embedded in a wood handle is that you can remove it to clean the screen from underneath every so often, and never remove the screen from the crater.
  10. Keep an inexpensive clean-out kit containing q-tips, prickly pipe cleaners and a small bottle of rubbing alcohol on hand for occasional interior de-clogging to keep your device serviceable.

Flexible-Drawtube One-Heater with Screened Barbed-Hose-Nipple Crater

  1. Look for correct crater size. The best cylindrical crater diameters readily available include 7/32 inch (5.5-mm), 6-mm and 1/4 inch (6.3 mm) inner-diameter of nipple.
    • If the nipple you have found is wider than that, insert a snug-fitting metal (usually brass) tube-segment to narrow it down.
    • If your nipple is narrower than the above diameters, use a variable-speed drill at slow speed to drill it open to the correct width and depth of crater as shown in the diagram above.
  2. Add the draw tube. Attach a flexible long draw tube that fits snugly over the barbed tail end of the hose nipple. You can stretch the outermost half inch of the hose with needle-nose pliers, making it easier to slip the hose over the end of the barbed brass stem.
  3. Attach the screen maintenance pin. To the barbed shank of hose nipple, tightly wind a 5-inch wire braid and attach a safety pin.
  4. CHOOMette option: as with Socket-wrench one-hitter, above, drill an end-to-end tunnel through a 4-inch (10-cm)-long wood piece with one (top) end the right width so that the screened hose nipple fits tightly in it, and the other (butt) end the right width so that at least a half-inch of the flexible drawtube fits tightly in it.

The Handyman's Peace Pipe

  1. Gather the supplies. You will need:
    • Hardwood-handled hammer, axe, or mallet
    • Bench vice
    • Narrow drill bit, such as 1/8-inch
    • 6-inch long, 3/16-inch drill bit
    • 1/4-inch drill bit
    • Wire screen
    • 8 inch piece of 1/2 inch electrical tape (optional)
    • Tool handle bump guard(optional)
  2. Secure the tool-handle. Place your chosen tool-handle into the vice horizontally, with the crosscut faces facing up or down, then later the other way.
  3. Mark the drilling location for the bowl:
    • Rest the beginning of the teeth of the 3/16-inch bit on top of handle at its base to see maximum drill depth. The bowl can be no further than this from the handle base.
    • Too close and your eyebrows are goners, too far and your drilling must be precise.
  4. Use the 1/4-inch bit to drill the bowl to a depth of 3/16-inch. (Remember that you can drill deeper, but can never put the wood back.)
  5. Use the 1/8 inch bit to drill the pipe shaft into the tool handle from both ends, meeting (breakthrough) somewhere in the middle.
  6. Add a carburetor. To add a carb to clear the shaft of smoke:
    • Drill 1 inch past the bowl
    • Flip the tool in the vice
    • Drill into the handle with the 1/8 inch bit 1 inch beyond the handle to meet up with the end of the shaft channel.
  7. Insert screen (see Socket Wrench One-hitter, above) into bowl and you are done.
  8. To conceal the tool's alter ego:
    • Cover the base of the handle with a removable rubber/foam handle bump guard.
    • Wrap a thin band of electrical tape over the bowl/carb and around the handle.

An Apple A Day

  1. Gather your supplies. You will need:
    • An apple
    • A sharp, thin object (needle, safety pin etc.)
    • A Phillips-head screwdriver, pencil, or other small, pointed object
    • A 7/16 inch square of #40 metal screen.
  2. Pull the stem off the apple.
  3. Stab the screwdriver with a revolving motion into the side of the apple, but not all the way through, just enough to make a shaft for smoke to go through.
  4. Make a similar channel downward where the stem used to be, deep enough to reach the shaft made with the screwdriver.
  5. Widen the top quarter inch or less of the vertical channel, forming a cup-shaped crater with a shoulder all the way around on which the screen will nest snugly. The screen will prevent particles of sifted herb (or shreds pinched off the end of a cigarette, etc.) from being drawn down the channel. See Method One, above, or "Make a 1/4"-diam. Screen for a Single-Toke Utensil".
  6. Load your apple. Put whatever you are going to smoke (basil, marjoram, oregano, rosemary, sage, savory, thyme) into this crater area and suck slow from the side hole to burn at minimum temperature.
  7. Clean up. Use sharp pointed pin or needle to gently clear ash crust from screen before next use.

Carrots and Spuds

  1. Gather what you need. You will need:
    • A carrot or potato.
    • A sharp, thin object (needle, safety pin etc.)
    • A Phillips-head screwdriver, pencil, or other small, pointed object
    • A 7/16 inch square of #40 metal screen (to be formed into a quarter-inch cup-shape, as described above in Method One, and in "Make a 1/4"-diam. Screen for a Single-Toke Utensil".
  2. With the screwdriver, poke a shaft lengthwise through the vegetable.
  3. Poke a perpendicular shaft from a side of the vegetable, about three-fifths the length of the original shaft down, so that it connects with the first shaft, but does not go past it.
  4. Use a tool such as a melon baller, knife, or sharp spoon to form the bowl or crater (preferably narrow, say quarter-inch diameter, for low temperature burning) by widening slightly the top area of the second shaft.
  5. Fit a cupscreen, mentioned above, into the crater which will prevent drawing particles down the channel.
  6. Use the end hole as a carb, and you're good to go!

Cola Bowl (see warning below)

  1. Gather your supplies. Things you will need:
    • A soda can (empty, please)
    • An awl or metal punch
    • A small screwdriver
    • Herb
  2. Make a dent where the bowl will be. Whack the can on the handle end of the small screwdriver.
  3. Poke small holes there with the awl. You can put a carb hole on the bottom, but you don't have to.
  4. Put whatever it is you intend to smoke on top of the small holes and light up, sucking through the hole which is normally used to drink from.

Aluminum Foil (see warning below!)

  1. Gather your supplies. You will need:
    • 6 or 7 inch wide x 4 inch tall piece of aluminum foil
    • A small piece of #40 screen.
  2. Use a cylindrical object such as a pencil, highlighter, or sharpie to make a tube by wrapping the aluminum foil around it. You may use the shiny or dull side of the foil, there is no difference between the two other than appearance.
  3. Fold the last inch on either side 90 degrees to mimic a common pipe with widened area or crater at the top; make the whole thing narrow (crater as little as 1/4 inch diameter) to permit low (vaporizing rather than burning) temperature.
  4. Insert a screen to prevent particles getting drawn down the channel.

Gravity Bong

  1. Gather your supplies. You will need:
    • {{safesubst:#invoke:convert|convert}} soda bottle
    • Aluminum foil
    • A bucket big enough for the bottle to fit in, such as a {{safesubst:#invoke:convert|convert}} bottle
  2. Cut the bottom 3 inches off the {{safesubst:#invoke:convert|convert}} bottle. For a gravity bong, you just need
  3. Fill the bucket with water.
  4. Replace the bottle cap with an easily removable aluminum foil piece or bowl.
  5. Light, lift, remove bowl, inhale slow for low burning temperature, and breathe (or cough) in and out of a bread bag or paper sack.

Soda bottle cap

  1. Gather your supplies. You will need:
    • 1/4 inch socket from a socket set
    • A pair of pliers
    • A bucket of water.
  2. Put your leather gloves on
  3. Take the cap from a {{safesubst:#invoke:convert|convert}} bottle, get the socket hot over an open flame (holding the socket with the pair of pliers) and push the socket through the very middle of the plastic bottle cap.
  4. Once the socket is halfway through the bottle cap, immediately drop the socket and cap in the bucket of water for about 5 seconds.
  5. Remove the cap and socket from the bucket of water. On the bottom piece of the socket will be a plastic cap that you will need to gently remove so as to not break the sockets airtight seal with the cap itself.
  6. Insert a 7/16 inch #40 screen into the socket to prevent loose material from getting through.

Pen and Bottle

  1. Gather your supplies. You will need:
    • Any plastic bottle, a pen tube or something like it
    • Aluminum foil.
  2. Make a bowl on the end of the pen
  3. Poke hole in the bottle halfway.
  4. On the opposite side make a carb.
  5. Insert the pen bowl into the hole and make it airtight.

Using a Metal Zebra Pen

  1. Take apart your pen. It may be hard to remove the metal tube, keep wiggling it until it is loose.
  2. Put the metal tip of the pen in the tube.
  3. Put tobacco or your herb in metal tip and smoke. Works great for school emergencies.

Tips

  • Use a metal pen instead of a plastic one, as plastic pens will release toxins.
  • All aluminum foil parts except the foil pipe-stem may be replaced with a non-aluminum bowl or crater such as a screened socket wrench piece.
  • If smoke smell is a problem, you can make a Spoof—a cardboard toilet paper role stuffed with dryer sheets and one rubber banded to the top will eliminate some smells, but not all.
  • Keep in mind the necessary conditions:
    • All herb used should be pre-screened to a uniform small particle size from which the desired ingredients vaporize readily (see Sift Herbs for Smoking Use). Regular shredded commercial cigarette tobacco is ready to use merely by tearing a small pinch off the end of the cigarette, and stuffing it in the narrow screened crater of your mini-toke utensil. For this purpose 1 cigarette might be carried around during the day to serve single tokes from.
    • The crater must contain a snugly embedded screen, sitting on a shoulder where the crater narrows down (see Make a 1/4" diam. Screen for a Single Toke Utensil). This screen makes it possible to use sifted or shredded herb, which vaporizes well, without drawing particles in to clog the channel.
    • The crater should be made narrow enough so that by drawing air very slowly, the user controls the amount of heat entering the crater, exposing the herb to the requisite 200 C. After several seconds, the herb material may visibly darken, a sign that it is dried from successful removal and inhalation of the vaporized ingredients.
    • A long flexible draw tube should be attached, in order to (a) help user get a good view of the crater when lighting, and (b) give vapors a longer distance to travel, cooling down, before inhalation.

Warnings

  • If you make a bong from a soda bottle, you may inadvertently melt the plastic. Plastic fumes are toxic and should not be inhaled.
  • Smoking through aluminum objects: scientists are unsure of whether aluminum increases the risk of Alzheimer's Disease, or whether Alzheimer's Disease increases the level of aluminum in the body. People with Alzheimer's Disease have been shown to have 10-30 times the amount of aluminum in their body than the average person.
  • Copper when overheated is said to release a blue gas which is extremely harmful if inhaled. It is recommended to make only a very small utensil, used for sifted herb, and by sucking very slow, an art akin to yoga, maintain a low vaporizing temperature, minimizing the chance of inhaling any fumes from the metal.
  • If you live where marijuana is illegal, such as parts of the USA, don't get caught with pot. Use a screened, non-wasteful miniature-dosage utensil and keep only very tiny amounts (1 gram = 40 tokes, each 25 mg) of any potentially controversial herb on hand, along with a more ample and accessible supply (in fastidiously labeled containers) of at least one alternative legal herb variety (such as loose material rescued from overdose tobacco product formats—or alfalfa, basil, camomile, etc). Have a physician's prescription or a certificate from your Congressperson authorizing you to use the utensil for the legal alternative herbal product(s) you have on hand—or for a harm-reduction program involving miniaturizing the dosage of a tobacco product.
  • As alternatives to illegal marijuana, there are many legal herbs that may give you a high feeling or, failing that, have an inspiring or poetic taste which you will enjoy getting to know. These include alfalfa, basil, chamomile, coriander, damiana, dandelion, eucalyptus, fo-ti-tieng, ginseng (leaf), hops (Humulus lupulus—flower), iris (flower), jasmine, Larrea tridentata (creosote bush—they can live 11,600 years), lavender (buds), marjoram, nettle (Urtica), oregano, pennyroyal, peppermint, rosebud, sage (Salvia—40 species), savory, thyme, Uva ursi (kinnickinnick), verbena, wormwood (Artemisia absinthia), yarrow, zinnia.

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