Overcome Hatred from Others

Dealing with hatred from others can be difficult and draining. Especially if someone is openly hateful toward you, it can make you feel bad about yourself and affect your self-esteem. Be positive in your approach and cope with your stress and emotions. Make any necessary changes to get along better with others and smooth any problems.

Steps

Taking a Positive Approach

1. Embrace who you are. Learn to love yourself first and foremost. If you don’t feel confident in yourself, then everyone’s opinions about you tend to matter more than they should. Learn to accept yourself fully as you are. Confront any parts of yourself you feel ashamed of and learn to extend love to all of yourself.
   • When you fully love yourself, the opinions of others matter less and less.
2. Lean on family and friends. Whether you need to vent your frustrations, talk about your problems, or ask for a hug, know that you can go to family and friends for support. They don’t have to fix your problems or even offer solutions, they just have to be good listeners. If possible, make time together in-person instead of over the phone or through email or text.
   • Choose people who readily listen and offer support. If you have a friend that tends to talk about themselves a lot, go to someone else for this.
3. Focus on positive things. If you feel like your haters are getting you down, set your mind on happier things. Think positively and approach unpleasant situations in a productive way. Practice positive self-talk and surround yourself with other positive people.
   • If you struggle to use positive thinking, try thinking about how you speak to yourself. Don't say anything to yourself you wouldn’t say to a close friend. For example, you wouldn’t tell your friend that they are dumb or not good enough for a job.
   • Thinking positively doesn’t mean ignoring bad things or pretending like things don’t bother you. It just means expanding positive influences in your life and putting your attention there.
4. Cope with stress. If you’re having a hard time dealing with stress, try calming and relaxing activities. Calmly releasing your emotions instead of bottling them up can help you get along better with others and feel more peace. Practice relaxation exercises like daily yoga and qi gong and meditation.
   • Do something relaxing for 30 minutes each day. It can help you cope with stress without it building up.
5. Spread compassion and kindness. Be the kind of person people look up to and respect. If people are spreading hate about you, be purposeful in spreading kindness toward others. Treat people kindly, even if they are rude or mean to you. You don’t need to become a doormat, you just need to respond in gentle and kind ways.
   • If someone is speaking harshly to you, speak kindly back. Don’t raise your voice and don’t say mean things.
   • Offer to help people in need. This might include giving food to a homeless person or offering to babysit for a frazzled friend.
6. Talk to a therapist. If you’re struggling to cope with the hatred and are having a hard time on your own, try talking to a therapist. A therapist can help you make sense of what you’re thinking and feeling. They can also help you learn ways to cope with your feelings in a safe and effective way. Your therapist will listen to you, support you, and give you feedback.
   • Find a therapist by calling your insurance provider or local mental health clinic. You can also obtain a recommendation from a friend, family member, or physician.

Responding Maturely

1. Reflect on your actions and behaviors. Think about any actions you’ve taken that may have increased the hatred people have toward you. It can be difficult to admit you’ve made mistakes or have made things difficult, but be honest with yourself if you’ve made some missteps. Admit them and resolve to do better.
   • If you need to make amends, do so. While you may not convert your haters to love you, you can smooth things over.
2. Forgive others. Practice forgiveness for people who have hurt you. It doesn’t do you any good to carry around anger or resentment toward someone, even if you feel it’s justified. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to forget what happened or pretend it didn’t happen. It just means that you’re ready to let go and move on.
   • Forgiveness is a process, so don’t think that things can change overnight. Try forgiving a little more each day.
   • For example, if someone said something mean about you, don’t dwell on it. Spreading untruths is wrong, but you can choose to let go of resentment.
3. Practice good social skills. If lots of people don’t like you, think about what they may be turned off by. While it’s true jealousy can spark hatred in some, make sure you’re not an easy target for people’s hatred. For example, ask yourself if you’re overly competitive and have to win at everything. You might try to control other people, assign blame onto anyone but yourself, or be overly critical of others. If this sounds like you, try to work on your social and people skills.
   • Be the kind of person people can get along with easily. If you notice yourself reverting back to bad habits, catch yourself and focus on treating people nicely and fairly.

Dealing with Hateful Words

1. Notice your response. When someone is being hateful toward you, notice how and where you feel it. This can help you decide what to do next. For example, do you feel a tightness in your stomach, pain near your heart, or like your throat is closing up? These signals tell you how your body is responding to your emotions.
   • Knowing what’s going on in your body and learning how you feel can help you know how to respond in the best way. For example, you might want to take some deep breaths if your throat feels tight.
2. Deal with rumors. If rumors are spreading about you, try to get to the bottom of them before responding. For example, is someone being purposefully malicious or is there some miscommunication or exaggeration of facts? If you’re one to spread rumors, recognize how hurtful they can be when they’re about you and stop the habit.
   • Resist the urge to seek revenge. It’ll only make things worse and may bring out the worst in you.
3. Ask yourself what’s true. You might jump to the conclusion that someone hates you, yet it may not be true. Ask yourself if the person intends to hurt you with their words or if you’re being defensive. You may interpret their actions much more harshly than they were intended.
   • Ask yourself if the person intentionally tries to hurt you or cause you damage. If you’re not sure, ask them. Say, “Are you purposefully saying mean things about me?” If nothing else, they may be surprised you want to talk about it.
4. Ask yourself why it matters. It’s normal for people not to get along. You may need to accept that other people don’t like you and not let it get to you. It’s okay not to get approval from everyone. After all, you likely have people in your life that you don’t like, either.
   • While it feels bad to be hated, remember that there are other people who love you. Getting approval from everyone isn’t a worthwhile goal.

Sources and Citations

See also

• Cope with the End of a Long Friendship
• Change Someone Else's Behavior
• Avoid Conflict
• Determine Why Someone Is Treating You Poorly
• Deal With Impossible People
• Stop Being a People Pleaser
• Deal With Beggars Asking You for Money
• Ignore People You No Longer Wish to Be Around
• Tell Someone to Stop Flirting With You
• Avoid Falling in Love

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