Put Passion Back Into Lovemaking

When you've been with the same person for a long time, making love can feel as routine as doing the dishes. But if you want to keep your relationship alive, you need to bring passion back into the bedroom. If you're desperate for ways to spice things up with your long-term honey, look no further.

Steps

Recognize That you Have a Problem

  1. Admit that your lovemaking is not what it used to be. When you first started seeing your honey, you couldn't keep your hands off of each other or go more than a few hours without getting frisky. But now that you've been together for five years, your love making is about as inspiring as a TV dinner. Here are some signs that you and your special someone are having trouble in the sack:
    • When you can't remember the last time you had sex. If it takes you more than a few moments to remember the last time you had sex, chances are that it's been way too long, or that it was so unmemorable that you literally forgot about it.
    • When you've stopped grooming yourself in anticipation for sex. Ladies, if you used to shave your legs every morning and now are going weeks without a good shave, it may be a sign that you're not getting enough action, or that you don't care as much about it when you do. And gentlemen, if you no longer make an effort to smell and feel clean, it may be a sign that you don't care what happens in the bedroom.
    • If having sex is just another thing on your "to-do" list. If you're happy after you've had sex because you've accomplished another task for the day and can move on to the next chore, it's a sign that you don't see it as something fun and hot, but as just another part of your routine.
    • If you just aren't turned on by your significant other anymore. This is one of the worst signs, but fear not! Unless this is a permanent condition, it can be addressed with some future sexiness.
    • If sex is something you dread.
  2. Make sure your sex life is the only problem. Sometimes your lackluster situation in the sack is just part of the natural evolution of a relationship, but this may not be the only issue. Before you try to put passion back into lovemaking, you need to make sure that you have a strong relationship otherwise. Here are some signs that there are bigger problems in your relationship than your lack of sex drive:
    • If you feel very distant from your loved one. If you and your loved one stop sharing your intimate thoughts and worries, or if you just feel like you don't know what your significant other has been up to all week, you may be drifting apart. If your boyfriend walks into the apartment you share and you ask yourself, "Who is this person?" your problem may be more than just a lack of passion.
    • If you find yourself fantasizing about other people---and never your significant other. If you're routinely turned on by strangers, other people of the opposite sex you know, or just hotties on television, but you never think of making love to your significant other unless it's happening, this may be a sign that you're just not that into each other anymore.
    • If you find yourselves fighting and being unhappy more often than not. Though all good relationships take work, if nothing you're doing is working and you're generally miserable with the person you're with and happier by yourself, then no amount of stellar sex can fix the bigger picture.
  3. Communicate about your problems in the bedroom. If you truly do care about your significant other and want him or her to be a part of your life forever, then it's time to have a talk. If the rest of your relationship is healthy, then your lines of communication should be open, and having a conversation about the situation is the first step to improving it, even if it's a little awkward. Here's how to start:
    • Be casual but firm. There's no need to scare your cutie by saying you want to have "a really serious talk," but be firm about the fact that you have something to discuss with him or her. Say, "There's something I want to talk to you about." Pick a time when he or she is busy and free from stress to discuss it.
    • Assure your sweetie that you still love him, but that this is something you want to work on.
    • Once you both agree that your relationship needs more passion, you can discuss some of the reasons for why it's happening. Are you taking each other for granted? Are you both so busy that sex hasn't been a priority? Are you both too stressed out to even think about it? Whatever the problem is, discussing it together is a first step to solving it.

Be Romantic

  1. Look ready for romance. You won't be able to put passion back into your relationship if you're walking around in a sweatsuit and haven't showered in three days. If you want to start feeling romantic again, it's important that you and your honey look ready for romance---or even for some loving.
    • Clean up nicely. Even if you know you're going to have a busy day, passion can strike at any time, and it's important to be prepared. Both you and your honey should make an effort to shower, groom your hair, smell nice, and have fresh breath, so you can start to get back into a romantic mood.
    • Dress to impress. Though it's unrealistic to dress to the nines every night, especially if you live with your significant other, make an effort to wear well-fitting clothes that are fresh and appealing, so you'll look nice even if you're just hanging out around the house.
    • There can be some days when you look more casual, or even lounge around the house all day in your pajamas, but this should not become routine.
  2. Do romantic things. Once you start to look more romantic, you can also act more romantic. It's important to have a romantic atmosphere, go on dates, and say romantic things to keep your passion alive before you head into the bedroom. Here's how:
    • Have a romantic atmosphere. If you live together, keep a clean apartment with appealing lighting and clean sheets, so hooking up is always a possibility. If you don't live together and your honey is coming over for movie night, light some scented candles and get rid of all of your clutter so he's thinking about sex instead of why you haven't taken out the garbage.
    • Go on romantic dates. Make an effort to have a date night at least once a week. You can make a delicious dinner at home with a bottle of red wine, go for a moonlit stroll, or check out the new restaurant down the street.
    • Listen to jazz or watch movies to get you in a romantic mood. If you're surrounded by romance, you're more likely to be romantic.
    • Make romantic gestures. If you're a guy, open doors, pull out chairs, and give your woman her coat if she's cold. If you're a girl, link arms with your loved one or kiss him on the lips at the right time.
  3. Say romantic things. Make a point of complimenting your honey and saying how much you love him or her. Be cute by leaving a note on the mirror, in your honey's lunch, or in his or her inbox that will make your special someone think of you when you're apart during the day. Here are some other ways to say romantic things:
    • Write your honey a card listing all the reasons you love him. It doesn't have to be for a birthday or another special occasion--you can do it just because. You can even present him with the card at the beginning of your dinner date to really impress him.
    • In the evenings, tell him how much you love him right before you go to bed.
    • Send the occasional text message that tells your honey to have a great day and that you're thinking of him or her.

Be Adventurous

  1. Make love in new locations. Once you and your honey are feeling more romantic, it's time to spice things up. Here are some tips for making love in new locations:
    • Make love in a new part of your home. Having sex in the bedroom can get boring, so try some new places, like your shower, or your kitchen counter---provided that your curtains are closed.
    • Have sex on the couch or in a special spot of your home. When you have people over, you can wink at each other as you run your hand over the chair where you made love earlier, so you're both thinking of the fun sex you had without anyone knowing.
    • Take a sexy vacation. Take a trip to the beach or a romantic island, and have sex in a new hotel room.
    • Hook up in an unconventional place. If you're not offending anyone and have found a private place, hook up in your car, a park, or in a tent while you're camping. Note that you can get in trouble with the law for having sex in public, so choose your locations wisely.
  2. Try new sexual positions. If you're always having sex in the same one or two positions, it's time to mix things up. A part of passion is keeping things fresh, so it should be your mission to get out of missionary position. Here are some tips for trying new positions:
    • Make point of not having sex in any of the traditional ways you're comfortable with. If you avoid your comfort zones, you're likely to stumble into something new and sexy.
    • Switch things around. If you're always on top, switch positions with your honey and see how it feels.
    • Don't be afraid to look up new positions. Read the Karma Sutra or look up new positions online. If you do this together, you'll be turned on in the process.
    • Improve your flexibility. Take yoga classes or spend more time stretching your calves, thighs, and hamstrings. This will help you enjoy certain positions even more, or find new positions.
  3. Take a trip to the sex (or sexy clothes) store. You've been with the same person for years, so you should be comfortable enough to make your sex a little bit risqué. If you're feeling bold, here are some ways to spice up your sex life:
    • Don't underestimate the power of sex toys. Go to a sex store together and buy some whips, hand cuffs, sexy lotion, or anything else that may improve your sex life. Though it may feel a little bit awkward, remind yourself that everyone is in a sex store for the same reason, and have fun with it.
    • Wear sexy clothes. If you're a girl, wear sexy lingerie, such as garters, thongs, and lacy bras. You can even tease your honey by showing him what you're wearing for a second before you cover up. You can even buy clothes that are ridiculously sexy that you would only ever wear in the bedroom and have fun taking them off.
  4. Try some fun sex scenarios. Why not? Be comfortable with your honey and have fun creating some exciting scenarios to get your blood flowing. Takings some risks can put some passion back into the bedroom. Here are some scenarios to try out:
    • Dress up really nicely like you're going to a wedding or somewhere important. Pretend like you're running late and really need to leave the house but just can't help yourselves. Have fun having sex in fancy clothes--just make sure to keep them clean!
    • Try having sex with almost all of your clothes on. That can be just plain hot.
    • Try some good old-fashioned healthy role play. Go to a sex store and try on some sexy outfits, whether you dress up as a police officer or a princess. It may feel silly at first but whatever, just get it in on in a new outfit!
    • Pretend that you're having a really big fight and then have "make-up sex."
    • Tell your partner your fantasy--however ridiculous it may be--and wait for him to act it out.

Be Raunchy

  1. Don't underestimate the power of dirty talk. Some good dirty talk can go a long way in bringing the passion back into your relationship, whether you're already in bed or just talking on the phone. Here are some tips:
    • Surprise your honey by talking dirty before you get into bed. If the mood is right, tell him what you want, and the rest will follow.
    • Talk dirty while you're making love. Tell your sweetie how he or she is making you feel, or talk about how much you love touching his or her body.
    • Send sexy texts. Send sexy messages to tell your honey that you have the hots for him. But show discretion--make sure you don't embarrass yourself by sending sexy messages that get into the wrong hands.
    • Talk dirty on the phone. Be graphic--it's hot.
  2. Watch something sexy that gets you in the mood. It may feel a little strange, but join your sweetie in watching something sexy and maybe a little bit over the top. You could get some great ideas for love making and be turned on the process.
    • If you're comfortable with it, watch porn together. If it feels right, it will turn you on--a lot.
    • Watch some raunchy television. Watching people making out, touching each other, or hooking up on television can get you both ready to star in your own shows.
    • Look at sexy pictures together. Be comfortable with getting turned on together.
  3. Be spontaneous. Your sex life will get a lot more exciting if you know that you can have sex at any moment, and are pleasantly surprised when your significant other tells you he's in the mood at an unexpected time. Here are some ways to be hot and spontaneous:
    • Even if you're doing something mundane like watching the news, if you really feel like it, start kissing and touching your significant other.
    • Hook up at unexpected times. You may be running late to your friend's party, but if you're in the mood, have a quickie before you head out. You can wink at each other to remember your sexy time.
    • If you're out in public, rush home for hot sex. If you're in the mood while you're out, simply tell your honey, "I want you--now," and race home for some hot love making. As long as you're not leaving something important, this will make you feel extra hot.

Keep Your Passion Strong

  1. Work on your relationship. To continue to have a healthy sex life, you need to work on maintaining a healthy relationship at all times. Work hard to show your loved one how much you he or she means to you, and your sex life will continue to flourish. Here's how to do it:
    • Communicate. Keep open lines of communication so you can discuss any problems in your relationship--whether they're in the bedroom or not.
    • Tell your honey how much you care. Make a point of praising or complimenting your loved one as often as you can.
    • Develop common interests. It's important to make sure that you and your honey have something in common besides your new love for getting it on.
  2. Keep your sex life interesting. Even if your sex life has improved, don't take it for granted. There is always room to make things even better---and a chance that things can get worse if you're not careful. Here are some ways to keep things fresh to keep passion in your love making:
    • Hook up as often as you can. Though you shouldn't have a tally of how often you have sex, the more you hook up, the more you'll want to do it.
    • Never make lovemaking your last priority. You may have a busy week, but always make time for getting it on. It'll make your relationship stronger and will put you in a better mood.
    • Try something new as often as you can. Keep the option open for a new position, a new location, or a new scenario.
    • Even when you're not en media res, don't forget to tell your honey how sexy he is, or how much you love his body.
  3. If you can't fix it on your own, get help. If you really want to make things work with your honey in the bedroom but just can't make it happen, it may be time to get help elsewhere. This may sound scary, but having an awkward conversation with someone new is better than having awkward sex. Here are some places to look:
    • Read sexy blogs or magazines to see if you can pick up any great advice.
    • Talk to your closest friends who are having passionate sex for some pointers. Make sure your honey is okay with you asking if it's a mutual friend.
    • See a sex therapist. A sex therapist is a true expert who can really help you turn things around. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you want to save your sex life--and your relationship.

Tips

  • Don't overdo it. Building up passion takes work, and you should ease into it instead of rushing off to the sex store.

Warnings

  • If you've tried everything and can't seem to get turned on, you have to figure out if it's a problem with you or your significant other. If you're having problems with your sex drive, seek help.

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