Speak Fake German
Pretending to speak German is a great way to pass the time when you’re bored or blow off a telemarketer. To speak fake German, follow these tips.
Steps
- Use common German sounds. The long a (“ahh”) as in lager, hard ei (“eye”) as in nein, long u (“moon”) as in gut, or hard sch as in schlecht tend to jump out at the listener and will impart your phony German with a more realistic flavor.
- Learn the most common German prefixes. Sprinkling easily recognizable word openers like auf- (owf), aus-, durch- (durkh), ein-, mit-, über- (oober), and unter- (oonter) into your pseudo-speak will make it sound more realistic, not to mention help you improvise.
- Learn the most relatable German suffixes. Figuring out the German equivalents of English word endings will allow you to adapt words you already know instead of having to invent new ones. The German equivalents of -ing, -hood, -ship, -dom, and -ness, for example, are -ung, -heit, -schaft, -tum, and -nis, respectively.
- Throw in a few common German words. Using a few German building blocks like ich (I), du (you), ein (a), das (that), alle (all), und (and), and was (what) will create fillers in the sentence to enhance flow and prevent you from having to make up long words all the time.
- String together nonsense sentences peppered with bits of real German. Ex. “Ich haabe das eest ein Schlasse-Kassheit” or “Vas eest alle diesse Schtuff?”
- Make your fake German more believable by watching German speakers. Let the sound wash over you and see what sticks. Pay special attentions to the way Germans pronounce their "r"s, two sounds very characteristic to German. The German "r" is pronounced like a guttural sound similar to the "r" in French. R is pronounced as the "u" in "cut" after a vowel. The "ar" is pronounced "a-uh", "er" is "e-uh", "ir" is pronounced like the "ia" in English "Arabia", "or" is "o-uh", and "ur" and "ür" are pronounced "oo-rr" where "rr" is the guttural r in French. Since you’re trying to fake it for other people who (hopefully) don’t speak German either, your first and second impressions are the most important things to try to convey.
Tips
- If someone asks what language you are speaking, answer them in your best German accent so they believe you’re actually German.
Warnings
- Do not speak fake German in front of Germans. They may get offended.
- Actually, they will most likely think it's very funny!
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