Talk to Your Parents About Their Diet

It’s normal for adults to be concerned about their aging parents, especially around issues regarding their health. If you’re concerned about your parents’ eating habits, approach the topic gently. Be helpful and not accusing or blaming. Share how their habits make you feel or affect your life and what you’d like to see be different. Encourage them to live a healthy lifestyle and help them how you can.

Steps

Speaking Respectfully

1. Be polite. Be gentle in your approach and treat your parents with respect. Even if they have very unhealthy eating habits or follow diet trends, don’t accuse them or make demands of them. Instead, share your concerns in a way that won’t offend them. For example, if you’re concerned about their weight, ask permission to bring it up.
   • Treat them like adults and not infants. While you may not like their decisions, respect what they choose.
2. Use “I” statements. If you tell them all the things you think they do wrong or unhealthily, they may become defensive and not listen to you. Instead, talk about how their behavior impacts you and how you feel about it. They may not realize how their choices affect you and your family. Keep the focus on you and stay away from accusing them.
   • For example, say, “I’ve noticed you’ve started losing weight and I am concerned about you. The thought of you not eating well or struggling to take care of yourself makes me sad.”
3. Express your love. Focus the conversation around your concern and love for your parents. Frame your concerns around your love for them and your desire for them to be in your life. If you feel like their eating habits threaten their life or longevity, say so in a loving way.
   • For example, say, “I love you, and I want you to be a part of my life and my kids’ lives for a long time. The thought of your eating habits taking you earlier than necessary hurts me and I don’t want that to happen. I want to do whatever I can to keep you a part of my life for as long as possible.”
4. Avoid shaming them. When discussing your parent’s diet, avoid being judgmental in your speech. You want them to make healthy choices, but don’t try to guilt them into making changes. For example, if your parents are overweight, don’t shame or blame them, as they are probably aware that they are overweight and perhaps even embarrassed about it.
   • Keep your discussion upbeat and helpful and not hurtful or blaming.
5. Be non-confrontational. Skip the lecture and aim to be relatable and give relevant information. Your parents need to see why it’s important to think about their diet and nutrition before they start making changes. Stay away from talking about their behaviors until they are open to hearing about alternatives.
   • For example, bring up something you read in the news about health, diets, or nutrition and ask their thoughts about it.

Expressing Your Concerns

1. Share specific concerns. If you’re ready to talk and you think your parents may be at a place where they’re ready to listen, talk specifically about your concerns. Avoid using generalizations like, “You always eat fast food,” or, “I never see you eating healthily.” Instead, use specific examples such as, “It bothered me when the kids came over and they only ate junk food because that was all that was in the house.”
   • For example, if your parents are on an unhealthy diet, say, “I’ve noticed you spend a lot of money and this and I’m concerned it’s not healthy for you. It worries me that it seems to affect your mood and is so costly.”
2. Ask how you can help. Instead of telling your parents what they need, ask how you can help them. This can change the tone and show that you want to help them and not just criticize them or tell them what to do. It also allows them to make requests and say what they need. They may be struggling with something (like affording their medication) that may influence their behavior and eating habits.
   • For example, say, “Your diet concerns me and I want to help you be healthy. What do you need help with? Is there something I can do?”
   • If your parents are elderly, they may be struggling because they cannot prepare food on their own or buy food any more. If they are struggling to live independently, think about assisted living or hiring outside help.
3. Set small goals. Make small requests of your parents instead of making big demands or asking for big changes. For example, if your parents eat fast food and you’d like them to cut down, ask them to eat out one less time each week. Encourage them to eat dinner with you or cook at home.
   • When your parents meet the small goals, they may be more willing to meet other goals and make larger changes over time.
4. Talk about fad diets. Fad diets often promise a lot and deliver very little or encourage unhealthy weight loss. If your parents are trying to lose weight by using a fad diet, talk to them about their dangers. For example, some diets restrict carbs or calories, so they might end up bingeing and consuming more calories than they would have otherwise. Say why you’re concerned about their diet and offer some suggestions.
   • For example, encourage them ways to lose weight safely and effectively.

Encouraging Healthy Living

1. Lead by example. If you hesitate in knowing the words to say, let your actions speak louder. If you need some time to figure out what to say and want to avoid coming across as judgmental, model good eating. For example, invite your parents over for a healthy meal.
   • Drop off a bag of fresh groceries or bring them food that is healthy and nourishing.
2. Encourage regular medical care. Have your parents schedule regular medical checkups and stay on top of their medical care. For example, if your parents are losing weight too quickly or change their eating habits, have them talk it over with a physician. If they are on medications, it’s even more important for them to maintain a healthy diet. Attend appointments with your parents or help them schedule them.
   • Some older adults are more willing to listen to medical advice than advice from their children. You might want to say your concerns, then refer them to a physician.
3. Cook together. A great way to help your parents maintain a healthy diet is to invite them over to eat with you or offer to cook with them or for them. Especially if they are hesitant to make changes on their own, give them some assistance by participating in the process. For example, if they struggle to prepare healthy meals or have go-to options, bring over some food and show them how to prepare it. It can help to demystify healthy meals.
   • Show your parents how to put together easy-to-prepare meals that they can do on their own.
4. Purchase groceries together. Encourage your parents to have healthy foods in the home. For instance, you can drop off some groceries for them that include healthy and easy meals for them to prepare. You might even want to drop off some recipes to go along with the food.
   • Pack some meals and some snacks for your parents. If they have favorite foods, try out a healthier version. For example, if they enjoy hamburgers, have them try some vegetarian options.

Sources and Citations

See also

• Give Up Carbs
• Give Up Dairy Products
• Eat Properly
• Burn Fat
• Eat Healthy and Exercise
• Get the Most Effective Diet
• Create a Kidney Diet to Reverse Chronic Kidney Disease
• Improve Hair and Nails Through Your Diet
• Cleanse Your Body Naturally
• Cleanse the Liver

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