Annoy Your Neighbor
Do you have an annoying neighbor who you want to put in his place? Do you also want to be an annoying neighbor yourself? So other people can read this and they can become annoying neighbors themselves. Well then you're in luck! If you’re determined to annoy your neighbor as much as possible, then all you have to do is to find new ways to be loud and to use creative tactics that will stump and annoy your neighbor as much as possible. The best part is, you can drive your neighbor insane without breaking the law — and in some cases, without even leaving the comforts of your own home.
Contents
Steps
Being Loud
- Mow your lawn early and often. Mowing your lawn is every homeowner’s right. If you want to mow your lawn at the crack of dawn, even on a Saturday or Sunday morning, who has the power to stop you? Certainly not your neighbor. If he or she asks you to cut out the noise or mow your lawn at a later hour, just explain that you’re an early bird and don’t have time to mow your lawn during more traditional lawn-mowing hours.
- You can even be extra annoying by putting a big grin on your face and cheerily saying, “The early bird gets the worm!”
- This is a perfect trick because your neighbor can’t argue that you’re being noisy just to be annoying because it’s part of a chore.
- Get as many windchimes as you can. Another noisemaker all neighbors love is the wind chime. Without any effort, after hanging them up, all you have to is wait for the wind to do its thing and to sit back and wait for your neighbor to get completely annoyed. If he asks you to take them down, just point out that it’s your home and that you have a right to decorate it however you darn well please.
- Windchimes are outlawed in some communities — look into the regulations in yours before hanging them up.
- Throw a garden party. One great way to annoy your neighbor is to pick a gorgeous, warm evening and invite fifty of your closest friends over for a garden party. You can set up a bar, croquet, or a variety of other games, and many chairs for your guests to sit and mingle in. Try to make most of the party events happen closer to your neighbor’s house, and play a bit of music to get your guests really in the mood. Your neighbor will be driven crazy as he asks you to turn the noise down, again and again.
- Of course, just remember to be loud within reason. Your neighbors may call the cops on you to make a noise complaint, and you don’t want to deal with that kind of trouble.
- Sing in your yard. Do you think you’re the next Aretha Franklin or Elvis? Even if you can’t carry a tune in a bucket, you never really know until you try, and what better place to test your singing prowess than your own yard? Sing loudly, sing often, and sing the most annoying songs you can think of, such as “Ninety-Nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall,” which will make your neighbor cringe in his home. If he asks you to tone it down, just explain that you have a right to practice your art.
- For a double whammy, you can even sing as you do loud yardwork or as you’re setting up your lawnmower in the early morning.
- Blast your music. Music is a great way to unite people and to bridge differences as well as a perfect way to annoy your neighbors. Play your music on your porch, blasting from your car, or out your open bedroom window. Going for super loud can help annoy your neighbor, as can playing incredibly annoying or repetitive pop songs that are likely to get in your neighbor’s head and drive him or her crazy.
- If your neighbor is really insistent about you turning your music off, you can agree to do so very cheerily, and then immediately start singing the song you turned off.
- Let your dog bark. Neighbors love nothing more than loud, annoying dogs. If you happen to have a favorite canine in your home, then you should encourage this creature to bark and fully express him or her self as often and as loudly as he can, especially late at night or early in the morning. Dogs aren’t humans, so your neighbor will be less likely to make a complaint and is more likely to just sit at home and get more and more angry and annoyed.
- If your neighbor objects, you can just say something like, “He’s just being himself. Asking a dog not to bark is like asking a human not to breathe air!”
- Set up a basketball hoop in your driveway and play often. Another great way to make some attention-getting noise is to set up a basketball hoop in your driveway and to play as often as you can. If you’re on your own, just work on bouncing the ball as much as you can, and even missing pretty often so you can make extra noise as the ball bounces down your driveway or against your garage. If you’re playing with friends, make sure to call your shots loudly and to generally make as much of a ruckus as you can.
- If your neighbor asks you to tone it down, you can say something like, “I need to train — I’m a professional!”
- Consider inviting over a handful of loud friends to play a pickup game.
Causing an Inconvenience
- Sign him/her up for lots of junk mail. Another way to annoy your neighbor is to sign him or her up for some unwanted junk mail, whether you’re signing him or her up online, or just filling out papers in local grocery stores or pharmacies to make sure your neighbor gets the best deals as often as possible. Just make sure that your neighbor doesn’t know where all of this junk mail is coming from and that it keeps piling on.
- The more random and annoying the junk mail, the better. If you can get junk mail from pet stores when your neighbor has no pets, or junk mail for random fishing or hunting equipment, even better. You can even subscribe to a catalogue for clothes for teenage girls, to be extra annoying.
- Order pizza to your neighbor's front door. This trick is an oldie but goodie. Just call up your local pizza parlor and order a few large, smelly pizzas — think lots of garlic and anchovies — to your neighbor’s front door and wait for the goods to arrive. Your neighbor will be oblivious and annoyed and may even be forced to pony up for the food they didn’t order. You can even order the pizza to the front door when you’re out of the house, so your neighbor has less reason to suspect you.
- Just make sure the pizza place can’t trace your number or call you back when they see that there’s been some confusion.
- Tell solicitors that your neighbor loves their cause. If some solicitors come to your door, tell them that while you’re not interested, your neighbor is a big supporter of their cause, whatever the cause may be. Just add that your neighbor is a little shy and may need some prodding to admit how much he or she really loves the cause. Tell them not to waste any more time with you and to get to talking to your neighbor as soon as possible.
- Say something like, “Jimmy next door absolutely loves your cause. He goes on and on about how much money he’d like to contribute to you guys.”
- Blow leaves in your neighbor’s yard. This another simple yet effective annoying ploy. After you rake your yard in the fall or use a leaf blower, make sure you “accidentally” blow all of those leaves in your neighbor’s yard, leaving them to clean up the mess. This will be especially effective if your neighbor recently spent many hours clearing out his/her lawn. Plan this trick carefully, because it may not be the kind of thing you can pull off more than once without arousing too much suspicion.
- The more annoyed your neighbor gets, the more innocent you should act. Give him or her a goofy grin and shrug and say, “My bad! I guess I’m still getting the hang of this whole leaf-blower thing…”
- Hang out in your yard in your bathing suit. If you want to annoy your neighbor, then put on your bathing suit even if you have no plans to go swimming. You have the right to wear whatever you want in your front yard, especially if your neighbor is entertaining company. Wear your suit when you’re just hanging out on your porch, when you’re doing yard work, or when you’re playing basketball in your driveway. This is a great tactic because it’ll also embarrass your neighbor to tell you to put some clothes on.
- If your neighbor has people coming over, you should make a point of walking out to the front of your lawn, giving her or him a big hello, and even trying to chat up the neighbor’s guests, without showing any sign of modesty.
- Prank call your neighbor. Prank calling has never really gone out of fashion, and if you want to annoy your neighbor, then you should disguise your voice and bother your neighbor for a few minutes. The best thing you can do is wait until your neighbor settles down to dinner with his or her family, so you cause the most inconvenience when you call. You can pretend to be a telemarketer for a made-up charity, insistently ask to speak to someone who does not live there, or tell your neighbor to collect her/his “Least Likely to Succeed” award at the town hall.
- Practice your prank call on a friend first so you don’t crack up or give yourself up.
- Of course, you can make sure to block your phone number before you make the call.
- Leave a trail of sugar on his porch. This diabolical move can get you in a lot of trouble, but if you’re really feuding with your neighbor and want to cause a major problem, then wait until they step out and leave a trail of sugar from their lawn to their porch. This will attract ants, bees, and various other lovely insects who will be creeping closer and closer to your neighbor’s front door.
- When you leave the trail, make sure you know your neighbor will be out all day, so the insects will have a chance to really do some damage before he or she returns.
- Steal your neighbor’s newspaper. There’s nothing your neighbor may look forward to more than a nice, relaxing Sunday at home with the family, spent drinking coffee and reading the paper. That’s why you have to wake up earlier than your neighbor does, and innocently tip-toe over to his front driveway to steal his newspaper. This will really put a damper on his/her day, and as long as you’re sneaky, it may be hard for them to really accuse you of what happened.
- If you’re caught red-handed, you can plead confusion and say you thought it was your paper.
- This can be even more annoying if your neighbor knows you get the same paper, so she'd/he’d have less reason to suspect you. You can even take his or her and leave yours out and then kindly offer to let them borrow your paper since their's appears to be missing.
Annoying Your Neighbor in an Apartment Building
- Take your neighbor’s parking spot. If you live in an apartment building with assigned parking, then one of the most annoying things you can do is to snatch up your neighbor’s parking spot. This will be incredibly annoying, especially if there are few parking spots available and she'll or he’ll have to walk pretty far after parking in an available spot on the street. Though your neighbor will know it’s you, this trick can really be annoying, especially if you act completely oblivious. Of course, this will work best if your spot has been taken, too.
- If you have adjoining spots, you can be extra annoying by parking a foot or two into your neighbor’s spot so you can take up both spots. Of course, your apartment manager won’t be happy about these antics.
- Play racquetball or tennis against your adjoining wall. If you’re lucky enough to literally live next door to your neighbor, then it’s time to channel your inner Rafael Nadal. Get out your tennis or racquetball racket, and spend some time volleying against the wall. Make sure you do this when you know your neighbor is home, and that you’re very persistent and consistent. When your neighbor asks you to stop, try to look as serious as possible and tell him/her you need all the practice you can get to train for the US Open — or whatever competition is closest to you.
- If your neighbor tries to get you to stop by hitting the wall, then you should act like you don’t know what that means and think it’s a game; hit the wall back the same amount of times, laugh, and resume playing your sport.
- Cook fragrant foods. If you live very close to your neighbor and he or she can easily smell whatever it is you’re cooking, then you can make a point of cooking fragrant foods to really get his attention. You can cook an entire pot of garlic or just make really intense-smelling food, making sure to open your windows so your neighbor can really get a whiff of what you’re up to. The downside, of course, is that you too will have to absorb this intense aroma as well. You can minimize the damage by playing chef right before you step out for a few hours.
- If you see that your neighbor has a date over, then what better time to cook an entire pot of garlic?
- Leave your clothes in the shared washing machines. One of the biggest pet peeves of people in an apartment building is when one of the residents carelessly leaves his or her clothes in the washer or drying, keeping them from doing their laundry. Fill as many washing machines as you can and leave your clothes there for a few hours to annoy your neighbor. To make sure your clothes aren’t ruined, you can place them in the machines without even turning them on; if your neighbor is really compelled to do his or her laundry, they’ll have to touch your dirty laundry.
- If your neighbor has moved your clothes and knows it was you who caused the problem, try to act incredibly upset that she or he would invade your privacy like that and start throwing a scene.
- Watch your TV at deafening volumes. Another classic way to annoy your neighbor is to watch your television as loudly as possible. You can turn it almost all the way up and then hop in the shower, so your neighbor can’t ask you to turn it down right away. You can play an old movie you love, and then have fun screaming all the words along with the actors, to really put on a good show for your neighbor. You can also watch your TV late at night, making sure to laugh as loudly as you can so your neighbor knows exactly what you’re up to.
- If your neighbor asks you to turn it down, you can say, “What? What did you say? Sorry, I’m deaf in one ear,” to make your neighbor feel bad for asking.
- Put petroleum jelly on his front doorknob. Put a little bit of Vaseline on your neighbor’s doorknob so he can have an unpleasant surprise waiting for him the next time he tries to enter his apartment. Not only will the jelly feel sticky and gross, but it’ll make it harder for him to turn the handle and to actually get into his apartment. This will especially be effective if your neighbor has just returned from a long vacation or a massive grocery trip.
- Just make sure you don’t actually jam the lock with the jelly, or you may have to pay for repairs if you’re found out.
- Knock on his door at weird hours asking to borrow stuff. This is another way to get under your neighbor’s skin. You can knock on the door at seven in the morning asking if your neighbor has any chocolate chip cookie dough; say you’re really having a craving! Or you can knock on the door late in the evening, asking if your neighbor has any bacon you can make. Don’t let your neighbor see that you’re just messing around and make it feel as if you really, really want and need these items.
- When your neighbor looks confused, you can make them feel like the bad guy/girl, saying something like, “You really don’t have any bacon? That’s weird.”
Warnings
- Be aware that annoying your neighbor to the extent as suggested by this article could result in retaliation, legal action, or encounters with the police.
