Deal With Nosy Neighbors

Humans are social animals, and we find ourselves drawn to live in communities. In high-density areas, however, we are not always able to choose who we live near. Whether you live in a city apartment or a large house in the country, you can probably find a neighbor who infringes upon your privacy. The important thing is that you handle the situation as quickly and as courteously as possible.

Steps

Assessing the Situation

  1. Consider the problem. In order to deal with with nosy neighbors, you need to fully understand the situation. Ask yourself the following questions:
    • How long has this been going on?
    • How many of your neighbors are nosy?
    • Do you live in a nosy neighborhood?
    • How long do you plan to stay in that area?
  2. Look for patterns in your neighbors' nosy behavior. Are they often nosy at certain times? They might by nosiest during weekends, weekdays, or evenings. Perhaps their nosiness stems from something that is going on in their lives. Perhaps they are curious about something that;s going on in your life. Maybe they are nosy about your children, or about your guests, or about the work you're doing in your yard.
  3. Consider why your neighbors are being so nosy. Try to understand their motives. If you think that they're being nosy, then they're probably violating your privacy in some way—but there must be a reason that they are so curious about your life and habits. Your neighbors might just be very nosy people, but they also might have a genuine reason for asking questions.
    • Are they new and just trying to understand the culture of the neighborhood?
    • Are they just looking for entertainment at your expense?
    • Are you doing something (suspicious, exciting, or intriguing) to make them curious?
  4. Talk to the nosy neighbor. Try to learn as much about them as possible without getting too involved. This will help you to identify if there is any malice in their questions, if they are just being nosy to pass the time, or if they are new and need help making friends.
  5. Decide how to handle the situation. You may want to confront your neighbors, you may want to avoid them, or you may want to befriend them.
    • If your neighbors seem lonely and bored—like they're just nosing because they want to connect with someone—try talking to them, introducing them to other neighbors, and suggesting fun things for them to do.
    • If your neighbors are nosy, but you don't want to confront them directly, try finding ways to avoid their snooping. If your neighbors are always watching you, then put up a fence or conduct your business indoors; if your neighbors are always confronting you and asking you personal questions, then consider how you can avoid talking to them.
    • If your neighbors are snooping around looking for trouble—whether that means stealing your things or reporting you for illegal activities—then consider upping your security. Ask them to stop intruding. If the situation becomes dangerous for your family or your property, don't hesitate to contact the authorities.

Avoiding Nosy Neighbors

  1. Be the stronger person. Do not stoop to their level. Just get on with your business, nonchalantly and happily. Do not be rude or threatening. If they have nothing better to do than watch you all day, then they have wasted their own time, not yours.
  2. Pretend that you're listening to music. If you're busy and you don't have time to tolerate nosiness, pretend to listen to songs on your phone or iPod. Keep your headphones in your ears while passing through common areas like corridors, lifts, and parks—anywhere you might encounter your neighbor. This discourages any unnecessary contact: nosy neighbors will see that you are unavailable, and they may look for an easier target.
    • It helps if the headphones are big enough to be seen from afar. If someone walks up to you before noticing the earphones, chances are they will say what they came to say.
    • Some people refuse to take a hint, and might still have the audacity to ask prying questions despite the earphones.
  3. Pretend to take a phone call. To do this you need to put your phone on silent and vibration in silent should be off. Whenever they approach you, put your phone to your ear and pretend to be in an important conversation. Don't forget to smile and nod at them when on the phone: this will add to the act that you aren't trying to avoid them, but your workload is just too much. Say things like:
    • "Yes, yes it will be done—will send it over to you by tomorrow."
    • "How is the report coming along? I heard there were complications."
    • "There has been a bug that we were trying to fix."
    • "Or you can simply alternate between "Yes, yes...", "Hmm? Mhm," and "Oh, okay," on your fake phone call. This may be the best choice if you are not confident in your ability to make up convincing material on the spot.
  4. Do not hang out in plain sight of your neighbors. Move to your backyard, or choose another spot where they can't see you. This works for some activities—you can just as easily host a cookout or play catch with your son in the backyard as you can in the front—but it is not a permanent fix. It is an avoidance technique.
    • If your neighbor is extremely nosy, he or she might find ways to snoop around despite your efforts to avoid it. Hiding in the backyard might work once or twice, but be prepared for more nosy times ahead.
    • If you live your life trying to avoid your neighbors, you are letting them rule you. If the problem is this bad, consider confronting or ignoring your neighbors. It can be exhausting to expend all of your mental energy on simply trying to escape someone.
  5. Act like you're aren't doing anything. That gives them less reason to watch. If your neighbors are always asking questions about what you're doing and why you're doing it, an easy solution can be to simply do nothing. Try your best to seem uninteresting. Resume your activities when your neighbors go away.
    • Bear in mind that if you look like you have nothing to do, some neighbors make take it as license to come strike up a conversation. When in doubt, it is probably best to avoid or confront your neighbors rather than wait for them to leave.
  6. Tighten up your security. This may be a wise choice if you think your neighbors are snooping around on your property. Keep your house locked. If you go on vacation, install a security system or video cameras. Ask another neighbor to keep an eye on your property while you're away, in case the nosy neighbor starts snooping around. Consider getting a guard dog.
    • Bear in mind that depending on the neighbor situation, this approach may be bordering on paranoia. Perhaps your neighbors are actually sneaking onto your property while you're away; perhaps you are just giving them a bad rap.
    • If you truly suspect your neighbors of entering your property without your consent, confront them and firmly ask them to stop. Warn them that the next time they do this, you will not hesitate to call the police.
  7. Make a code name for them whenever you see them. For example, "activity" or "spiders." This will cue your family to behave accordingly, whether you all agree to retreat to the backyard or begin making loud noises.
  8. Build a fence. If you want your neighbors to stop peeking, consider putting up a fence between your properties. Check local by-laws on fencing. If the fence lies between your properties, you may need to ask your neighbors' permission to construct it. Make sure that you don't build onto their property, or else you may give them even more reason to intrude.
    • Dogs or small children make a great excuse to build a large fence around your property. Simply say that you didn't want the dog running loose.
    • If you don't like the idea of a fence, consider planting a hedge, a bush, or a stand of trees. Bear in mind that these barriers will take years to grow into place.
    • Consider whether you want to feel penned in just because your neighbors are nosy. Building a fence may solve your problem, but it may just inspire your nosy neighbors to get creative.
  9. Be elusive and disarming. If they go outside, go back in and come out in 5 minutes. Wave at them vigorously and say "hi, how are you?" Ask them if you can borrow a cup of sugar or their lawnmower. If you keep asking for things, your neighbors may start hiding from you.

Confronting Nosy Neighbors

  1. Shut down their nosy questions. If your neighbors ask you a lot of personal questions, tell them that it makes you uncomfortable. The next time they do it, give them a straight answer, like "That's not something I would like to share with you." Stare them down, and make it clear that you mean business. Then walk away. They'll hopefully get the message and back off.
    • This approach is blunt and straightforward. It may get the point across, but it may also offend your neighbor's pride.
    • Bear in mind that nosy neighbors aren't always trying to be obnoxious. He or she might be asking questions out of genuine curiosity. He or she may not have the tact or the social skills to know which questions are too personal. Be empathetic, but do not put up with anything that violates your space.
    • If you tell your neighbor to stop asking questions, but he or she continues, you may need to take more serious steps to address the problem.
  2. Catch them in the act. If your neighbors like to spy on you, catch them and say something that will embarrass them. Discreetly inform everyone who is with you, and then out of nowhere say something like, "Hey Mrs. Jones, having fun there?" Watch as their face turns red. If they deny it, then just ignore them, and give them a cold shoulder. If they do it again, get them alone and ask them nicely to stop.
    • Make jokes about them nosing. Say things like, "Now don't you go spying on me!" and they may realize that they are being too nosy. It might even make them stop.
  3. Give them a small piece of information, and then ask about them. If they say, "So, Frank, buddy, what's up?" ninety-seven times a day, it wouldn't hurt to respond once, "Oh, just walking the dog," or "I'm good." This isn't the most exciting reply, and it makes it hard to think up further questions. Then ask, "How about you?" This can unsettle nosy people who don't like the feeling that you are nosing on them. If they aren't nosy and it's in your head, this is a great conversation starter.
  4. Be equally obnoxious toward your neighbors until they leave you alone. Make loud clapping noises in the backyard, play loud music, or flash your lights outside. If they keep snooping around in your business, these activities may irritate them and send them back indoors.
    • Be careful what you start. Escalating the situation may not drive the neighbors away—instead, it may prompt them to escalate things even further. Think before you act, and consider whether your neighbors are the type to react competitively. Remember: you need to live next to these people.
    • Bear in mind that if you begin to harass your neighbors, especially if you make loud noises, you are giving them grounds to call the police on you. If the police show up, it may not matter who "started it".
  5. Consider informing the authorities. If your neighbors get too nosy, you may find that your only option is to contact the local police or neighborhood watch force. If the neighbor just won't leave you alone, you may want to apply for a restraining order. If you find your neighbors snooping around on your property, stealing your things, or trying to break into your home, try calling the police so that you don't need to handle the situation on your own.



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