Argue With Someone Who Thinks They Are Always Right
Trying to have a conversation with a person who believes they are always right can be difficult and downright frustrating. When you are dealing with an argumentative individual, here are some steps you can use to help control the situation.
Contents
Steps
Staying level-headed
- Keep calm. Getting angry and escalating an argument will not benefit either one of you. You might even end up saying something you'll seriously regret.
- Consider the subject you are arguing about. Is it even worth arguing about? If you're debating something like the best kinds of pizza toppings, it is probably best to just let it go.
- Do you even know the basics of the topic? If not, there is no point even having an argument.
- Express only what you actually know. Unless the topic is one in which you have adequate and good knowledge, straying from the facts will both unsettle staying calm and will leave you open to a sucker punch. Realize that if any one of your statements is shown to be inaccurate, it devalues everything you've said to that point and beyond. To maintain a valid discussion and stay calm, stick to the facts.
The other person
- Consider your relationship to the person. Different relationships will often dictate how the situation should be handled.
- If the person is a close friend, family member or spouse, be honest with them. Tell them you find it difficult to have a conversation when they insist on always being right. They may not even have realized what they were doing. If it happens again, gently bring it to their attention.
- If the person is a coworker — or even worse, your boss — approach the situation more carefully. In a friendly but assertive manner, explain to them that you feel like they are not respectfully validating your own thoughts and ideas. Point out that you value their opinion and would like them to give you the same consideration.
- If the person is a simple acquaintance or even a stranger, you likely don't need to be arguing with them at all. Respectfully remove yourself from the situation.
- Be aware that there are people who must always be right. In this case, the idea of an argument is futile and you need to change the subject or shut down any argument. This isn't about giving in to someone with a difficult personality or a stubborn will; it's about recognizing that your own time and mental health are more valuable than launching into proving such a person wrong. As far as that sort of person is concerned, he or she will never be wrong, so you really are wasting your time.
- People to be especially wary of include: those with narcissistic or sociopathic tendencies and bossy people. If you believe this is a possibility for the arguer, you might want to run some searches; find other ways to deal with them, find the diagnostic criteria so you can try to figure out if they really do have Narcissistic Personality Disorder or some other personality disorder. Just realizing that he/she does have N. P. D. or some other disorder can really help you feel better -- you'll realize that you have never really been "wrong" at all! Many an insecure person can cling to wanting to be right. In each case, feeling insecure or just plain willful can often serve as the source of a determination to continue in disagreement.
Holding your own
- Use productive language. Just as resorting to anger won't improve the situation, resorting to petty language won't help things either. Countering an argument with something like: "That's just stupid," won't get you anywhere and will most likely put the other person on the defensive.
- Listen well. Genuinely listen to the other person. Maybe they really do have a valid argument. If they don't, at least you will understand what they are saying and can better reason with them.
- Validate the other person's opinions with phrases like "I understand what you mean" or "I can see where you're coming from." You can then respectfully offer your counter argument.
- Watch out for statements that sound vague. Odds are, the wound-up speaker cannot explain the statements in a satisfactory way. Take advantage of this doubt.
- Don't give ammo away. If you don't know a certain part, avoid it altogether. No point explaining something that you're unsure of.
Getting out of the arguing
- Redirect arguments. If you find yourself constantly having to converse with a person who always has to be right, become a master of redirection. Change the subject to disarm them, or guide the discussion into more neutral territory. Try to find a topic that you agree on, then you can both be right.
- Recognize when the situation is getting out of control. There is a difference between a friendly argument and a combative situation where people can become angry or hurt. At that point it is best to end the discussion so both of you can calm down. Be realistic. Some arguments are not worth winning if the cost is too high.
Tips
- If you know you will be confronting an argumentative person, have a plan in mind first and prepare exactly what you want to say.
- Do not make up facts to simply win an argument. It will come back to bite you later.
- Be as firm in your opinion as they are theirs.
- Be assertive with your opinions but always respectful.
- If you can, try to change the topic. If the person is just piling on facts that probably aren't even true, then suggest a different topic such as sports.
- Make sure that they do or don't have knowledge on the topic. This will help you decide what to say.
- Consider your environment - is it really just you vs them, or do they or you have the upper hand when it comes to supporters and territory?
- If it's the viewpoint that matters, rather than how they are treating you, allow others to argue for you if they're supportive of you and more likely to be believed. Sometimes people will believe things more easily if they come from a different source.
- Be able to call them out on untruths or lies. If they cite unreliable "facts" or biased statistics, be aware of what they're citing so that you can debunk it rather than simply get irritated with them or claim it isn't true.
- It's easier to debate with people if they are on the "same level" as you. If the person is in a position of authority, people may take their word over yours. Alternatively, however, if someone has been victimized by oppression or violence, people may feel uncomfortable questioning their opinions. If someone is more powerful than you, your livelihood may be put at stake by calling them into question. If someone is more privileged than you, they may have less of a personal incentive to change their behaviour, provided it isn't called into question by their peers. If someone is less privileged than you, your defences may be mistaken for bullying, harassment or bigotry.
Warnings
- If the argumentative person becomes verbally abusive, end the discussion immediately. Seek help from a third party, such as a friend, counselor, or your human resources representative at work.
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