Deal With a Violent Person

Strangers, acquaintances, and even family members can turn violent for many reasons, so it’s important to know how to handle a dangerous situation if it arises. A cool-headed approach is often safest and most effective. If you notice the warning signs that someone might become violent, start by attempting to defuse their anger. If that doesn’t work, take the necessary steps to keep yourself and other people safe.

Steps

Staying Safe

  1. Trust your gut. Your instincts are often better at recognizing danger than your rational mind is. If something about a situation seems off, or if you don’t have a good feeling about someone, listen to your gut and get to safety as soon as you can. It’s always better to be too cautious than to get into a dangerous situation.[1]
    • If you don’t know how to leave a situation, make up an excuse. Say that you have to let your dog out or pick up your friend whose car broke down.
  2. Always have access to an exit. If you’re inside with a potentially violent person, make sure you can get to the door easily. Don’t block the door, though. If the person feels trapped, they may be more dangerous to deal with.[2]
    • Get into the habit of noticing where the exits are everywhere you go.
  3. Avoid dealing with a violent person alone. If possible, ask a colleague, friend, or family member to stay with you when you deal with someone who might turn violent. The presence of someone else might be enough to keep the violent person calm. If they do decide to use physical force, you’ll be safer with backup than without it.[3]
    • For instance, if you are a nurse treating a patient who has a history of violence, it’s a good idea to ask one of your colleagues to step into the room with you.
  4. Learn basic self-defense. Knowing some self-defense moves could save your life if you’re ever attacked. Search the internet for some simple techniques you can practice at home, or sign up for a beginners’ self-defense class.[4]
    • Ask a friend to help you practice the techniques you learn.
  5. Keep children away from the person. If you know that someone with violent tendencies is frequently around children, make their safety your top priority. If they are your own kids, take them to stay at a safe place, like a family member’s house. If they are someone else’s, offer to look after them temporarily or help their parent find a place to take them.[5]
    • If you think that any children are in a dangerous or abusive home situation, let the appropriate authorities know immediately.
    • Kids can’t protect themselves, so they depend on adults to protect them. Don’t assume someone else will report a bad situation – report it yourself if you know something is wrong.
  6. Have an emergency plan. Know what you will do if someone around you becomes violent. Ideally, you should leave the building and call the police. If you are at home and cannot leave, retreat to a safe room and lock the door before calling emergency services.[6]
    • If you live with a partner or children, come up with an emergency plan together. Make sure everyone understands what to do to stay safe in a crisis.

Defusing Anger

  1. Stay calm. Take a deep breath. Don’t take the other person’s anger personally. Avoid becoming agitated, raising your voice, or fighting with the person.[7]
    • Remember that anger is always rooted in someone’s personal pain. It’s not about you, even if the person is taking out their feelings on you.
  2. Keep your voice down. Even if the other person is shouting at you, respond to them as calmly as you can. If they are too worked up to communicate rationally, don’t say anything until they quiet down a little.[8]
    • If you raise your voice, you’ll only fuel the person’s anger. Don’t encourage them to fight.
  3. Avoid telling the person to calm down. Saying something like “Settle down” or “Relax” will probably just make the person angrier. They may resent being told what to do and feel like you are brushing off their problem.[9]
    • Create a connection with the person by acknowledging their anger instead. Say something like, “It seems like this is really bothering you. Can we talk about it?”
  4. Reflect the person’s feelings. When the person tells you what’s wrong, empathize with them. Make them feel like you’re on their side, even if you don’t agree with them. They will be less likely to turn violent if they feel understood.[10]
    • For instance, you might say something like, “So you’re hurt that no one told you about the change of plans ahead of time, is that right? You feel like no one wanted to include you.”
  5. Use non-threatening body language. Maintain an open, relaxed posture. Make eye contact with the angry person, but keep your expression non-confrontational. Don’t make animated gestures, put your hands on your hips, or fold your arms. Move slowly and calmly.[11]
    • Give the angry person plenty of space. This also gives you some protection if they do become violent.

Recognizing Warning Signs

  1. Consider the person’s past history of violence. Previous violence is the biggest predicting factor for whether someone will become violent in the future. Getting into fights, committing violent crimes, being cruel to animals, and breaking things in fits of anger are all examples of violent behavior.[12]
  2. Look for changes in the person’s behavior. If you know the person, be aware of whether their behavior seems different or off in any way. Notice whether they’re acting particularly confrontational, secretive, or irrational. Pay attention to changes in mood as well, such as angry outbursts or expressions of hopelessness.[13]
    • For instance, if the person you’re dating has started yelling at you over minor issues, proceed with caution – anger management problems can often escalate into violence.
  3. Think about whether the person’s circumstances have changed lately. Ask yourself whether the person has recently lost a job, ended a relationship, or subscribed to an extreme belief system. Negative life changes can spur a person towards violent behaviors.[14]
  4. Find out whether the person is using drugs or alcohol. Drugs and alcohol impair a person’s judgment and lower their inhibitions, making them more likely to act on violent urges. If someone you know shows red flags for potential violence and also uses substances frequently, be cautious around them.[15]
    • According to the NCADD, 40% of violent crimes involve alcohol use.
  5. Know how to spot the signs of anger. Someone who is getting angry may look tense and unhappy. You might notice them trembling or flushing red. They might also pace back and forth, snap at people, speak sarcastically, or raise their voice.[16]
    • Anger is the precursor to violence. If you notice someone getting angry, leave or take action right away to calm them down.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.itstactical.com/intellicom/mindset/dealing-with-violent-confrontations/
  2. ↑ http://www.acs.edu.au/info/natural-health/mental/handling-violence.aspx
  3. ↑ http://www.apa.org/monitor/2008/04/client-violence.aspx
  4. ↑ http://lifehacker.com/5825528/basic-self-defense-moves-anyone-can-do-and-everyone-should-know
  5. ↑ https://www.illinois.gov/dcfs/safekids/protecting/Pages/dom_violence.aspx
  6. ↑ http://www.strongbonds.jss.org.au/handling/violence.html
  7. ↑ http://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/freeresources/article_archive/angry_people_ngibson.htm
  8. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/07/26/how-to-switch-off-an-angry-person/
  9. ↑ http://www.practicenotes.org/vol3_no2/predicting_violence.htm
  10. ↑ https://www.health.qld.gov.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0031/444586/aggressive.pdf
  11. ↑ https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ps/dealing-with-aggression2.html
  12. ↑ http://www.psychlawjournal.com/2012/08/risk-assessment-how-psychologists.html
  13. ↑ https://www.ccohs.ca/oshanswers/psychosocial/violence_warning_signs.html
  14. ↑ http://www.4faculty.org/includes/digdeeper/Lesson3/defusingviolentbehavior.htm
  15. ↑ https://www.ncadd.org/about-addiction/alcohol-drugs-and-crime
  16. ↑ https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/recognizing-anger-signs/
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