Be Mysterious to a Guy

Having some mystery about you can be attractive, it engages the other person's curiosity and makes them want to find out more about you. We are often drawn to what is unknown or unexpected.[1] Find out how to appear mysterious to a guy, and how to cultivate and maintain mystery in a relationship.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Appearing Mysterious to a Guy

  1. Have self-confidence. Having a strong sense of yourself, being secure and sincere in your interactions with others may not always be easy, but it is a very attractive quality. Self-confidence gives the impression that you are happy with yourself and do not need others to validate you.
    • Confidence is often communicated non-verbally. Stand up tall with your shoulders pulled back, don't slouch or bow your head. [2]
    • Speak slowly and clearly. Speaking too quickly can indicate a lack of authority. Speaking slowly adds gravitas to what you say, making people think what you have to say is important.[3]
  2. Make eye contact. Catching his eye for just a few seconds is a great way to signal that you are interested in him.[4] The key is to spark his curiosity without giving too much away.
    • Remember to keep it subtle, staring at someone is not mysterious.
    • The eyes are the most expressive part of the face.[5] Be aware of the micro-expressions you make with your eyes, including sarcastic eye-rolling or scrunching up your eyes in disgust. Keep these to a minimum and you will appear mysterious and unreadable.
  3. Watch your body language. Maintain neutral, relaxed body language where possible. The goal is not to be completely expressionless and aloof, but to appear calm and self-possessed so that you leave people wanting to know more about your hidden depths.
    • Arms and hands are important. Avoid fidgeting with your hands, which can convey anxiety, instead place them in a neutral, comfortable position.
    • For example, if you are sitting, gently hold your hands in your lap. If standing, let your hands rest comfortably at your side.[6]
    • Don't be completely closed off, you will appear aloof rather than invitingly mysterious. For example, folding your arms, crossing your legs and turning your torso away from someone indicates that do not want to engage with them.[6]
  4. Hold back sometimes. A key way to create mystery is to hold back a little when it comes to social events. Try to strike a balance between creating meaningful relationships and being present, but avoiding becoming so familiar that your presence is appreciated less.[7]
    • Accept invitations when you want to, so that people can get to know you and enjoy your presence, but say no to a few as well. Give him a chance to miss you.
    • Leave a party early. Be as fun as possible while you are there but leave early. Make it seem as if you have somewhere important to be, but don't reveal the details.[7]
    • Don't document everything on social media. Social media can be a fun and a great way to interact with people, but keeping certain things private will create a sense of mystery about you.
  5. Don't offer unnecessary explanation. When talking, don't give an excess of details or go off on a lengthy diversion. The trick to appearing mysterious is to give them just enough information that they want to know more![1]
    • Give short, direct answers to questions but do not offer much detail. For example, when someone asks, "Are you from around here?" Answer simply, "No, I'm not."
    • Answer in a friendly tone to intrigue them and invite more questions rather than appearing rude and abrupt.
  6. Ask the other person questions about themselves. People generally enjoy talking about themselves and feeling like the other person is truly listening to them.[8] This is a great way to get to know him while maintaining your own aura of mystery.

Part 2 of 3: Being Unpredictable and Cultivating Mystery

  1. Be open to adventures and new experiences. A certain amount of unpredictability is a fantastic way to cultivate mystery. Although being unpredictable can be negative at times, for example, if you are unreliable or flaky; spontaneous people, who are unpredictable in a positive way, are often intriguing and alluring.
    • Start a dance party at an unlikely moment. It might feel silly at first but the more you do it the more comfortable you will feel.[9]
    • Go to a restaurant and order the craziest thing on the menu.
    • Encourage others to join you in your spontaneous actions. Perhaps you will have a positive effect on them. At least they won't be bored!
  2. Confound his expectations of you. Getting to know someone gives you an awareness of their habits and routines. While there is comfort in this, after a while it can make them appear boring and familiar, which is the opposite of mysterious. Mix it up every once in a while to keep him guessing about you.
    • Suggest an activity he wouldn't think you'd enjoy. If you always appear professional and corporate, suggest rock climbing or go-karting. Show your playful side.[1]
  3. Make an unlikely quip or comment. This is particularly effective if you have been holding back and appearing mysterious in other forms of communication. A well-timed, witty aside shows people you have a sense of humor and they'll want to know more!
    • Try to see the humor in unfortunate or absurd situations. Don't be offensive.
    • Recognize that laughing is often a good way to deal with uncomfortable emotions.[10]

Part 3 of 3: Maintaining the Mystery While Dating

  1. Ditch the schedule. When we settle into relationships, often we become comfortable and establish a routine. This is part of a healthy relationship, but sometimes the mystery can slip away and you don't feel that sense of excitement we once did. [11] There are benefits to stepping outside your comfort zone every once in a while, you'll cultivate mystery in your relationship and re-ignite that spark of curiosity.
    • For example, turn off the TV and go out on a date. Pick something new that neither of you have tried before.
    • Start a new hobby, find something that you both enjoy.
  2. Surprise each other. Catch your partner off guard by doing something unexpected for them. Mix up the typical roles in your relationship.
    • For example, if your partner has always asked you to go to drawing classes with them but you've always said no, say yes!
    • Buy them a gift for no reason. You don't have to spend money, you can make something for them.
  3. Keep some things private. The key is to balance feeling comfortable, secure and familiar with someone, whilst also keeping a sense of novelty and mystery in your relationship.
    • For some people, keeping bodily functions and bathroom matters private is important. Consider how you feel about this, every relationship is different.[12]
  4. Spend some time apart. Relationship experts agree that it is healthy for a relationship and helps maintain that vital sense of mystery.[13]
    • Remember that you are two separate people with different interests and you don't need to do everything together.

Warnings

  • Don't go over-the-top. Too much mystery can turn people off. You want to appear mysterious, yet friendly, not aloof.
  • Introducing a little bit of mystery can be a great thing, but don't play games. Ultimately a happy relationship depends on you being yourself with the other person.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 https://www.lorenbennett.org/dating/being-mysterious-without-playing-games/
  2. ↑ http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2010/09/09/5-ways-to-immediately-appear-more-confident/
  3. ↑ http://www.inc.com/jayson-demers/7-conversational-tricks-to-appear-more-confident.html
  4. ↑ http://love.allwomenstalk.com/ways-to-be-mysterious-and-arouse-his-curiosity
  5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201205/how-guide-boosting-your-mind-reading-powers
  6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201206/the-ultimate-guide-body-language
  7. ↑ 7.0 7.1 http://psychologia.co/how-to-be-mysterious
  8. ↑ http://www.getyourfittogether.org/appear-sexy-mysterious-even-youre/
  9. ↑ http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/how-to-become-more-spontaneous-or-stop-being-boring.html
  10. ↑ http://www.vice.com/read/how-to-be-witty-378
  11. ↑ http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-17654/how-to-create-more-mystery-in-your-long-term-relationship.html
  12. ↑ http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2014/10/how-important-is-mystery-in-a
  13. ↑ http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-12353/5-ways-to-spark-passion-in-your-long-term-relationship.html
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