Be a Good Big Brother or Sister

Being a good big brother or sister can make a big difference to your sibling. Though parents can act as good role models, the relationship between siblings is also a key aspect of developing into a responsible and successful person in the world. You can be a good big brother or sister to your sibling by supporting your sibling, doing kind things for her, and setting a good example for her to look up to and follow.

Steps

Supporting Your Sibling

1. Be a good listener. Perhaps the easiest and most direct way of being a good big brother or big sister is taking the time to ask your sibling how her day went and listening to what she has to say. Try to pull your sibling aside once a day and have a brief conversation with her, especially if she is an adolescent or in her early teen years. Often, younger siblings want to be acknowledged and listened to by those they look up to.
   • You should practice active listening in your conversations with your sibling, whether it’s a brief check in talk with her or a heart to heart. To actively listen to your sibling, you should go into the conversation with the intent of improving mutual understanding and respect between you and your sibling. The conversation should be a learning opportunity, where you get to know your sibling better and have a meaningful discussion.
   • Focus your attention fully on your sibling and let her speak without interruption. You should then acknowledge what your sibling told you and respond thoughtfully and without judgement. This will keep the conversation open and encourage your sibling to confide in you more often.
2. Resolve conflicts in a mature and honest way. Though siblings tend to squabble and have small fights, you should make an effort to avoid having big, dramatic arguments with your sibling. This may mean being the bigger person and letting your sibling have the victory for a trivial fight. You should also try to offer your sibling a compromise, where you get a little bit of what you want and she gets a little bit of what she wants. This will help her to feel supported and respected by you, but it will also help her learn that she cannot always get her way.
   • If you are not able to resolve a conflict with your sibling on your own, you may reach out to other authority figures for guidance. This could be an older friend, an older family member, or a parent. Often, conflicts between siblings are minor and can be worked out among the two of you. But there is no shame in also reaching out to others for help. This will show your sibling that you are not afraid to ask for help when you need it.
3. Comfort your sibling when she confronts a challenge or fails. Your sibling will likely experience a range of trials and tribulations, and she may confront a difficult challenge of some kind or even fail in her attempt to do something great. Rather than shame your sibling for her failure or make her feel bad about messing up, you should comfort her and support her.
   • You can comfort your sibling by telling her to keep her head high and be proud, even if she did not achieve what she wanted or if she failed. You can also encourage her to remember that the failure is just one in many and she will have other opportunities to do better.
   • Another way to comfort your sibling it to distract her from her failure by taking her out to her favorite restaurant or to her favorite hang out spot. Sometimes, distraction can help to cheer someone up and make them dwell less on their failure.
4. Respect your sibling's boundaries and her autonomy. Teaching your sibling about boundaries and autonomy, or her ability to be her own person separate of others, can show her how to respect others and herself. You should respect your sibling's body autonomy by not tickling her, picking at her, or touching her body without her consent. You should also respect her mental boundaries by not trying to enforce your opinions or ideas on her, and by not trying to control her thoughts.
   • Another way you can respect your sibling's autonomy is by not trying to force her to grow up too fast or do adult things when she is still a kid or a teenager. It is important that you let her experience life as a young person, even if this means making mistakes or dealing with conflict, and be there as a support for her as she tries to figure it out on her own. If she wants to do adult things with you, like go for dinner together or go to a show just the two of you, you can certainly do this. But do not try to force her into doing adult things if she does not seem interested or engaged in them.
5. Give your sibling advice based on your own personal experience. You can also support your sibling by offering her advice when she asks for it. Avoid giving her advice when she does not ask you for it as this can feel pushy or forceful. Only give advice when your sibling asks for it and only after you have listened to what she has to say. Rather than give your sibling general or vague advice, you should consider your own personal experiences and how you managed to resolve or deal with a certain issue. This will show that you have empathy for your sibling and want to support her in an honest way.
   • For example, perhaps your sibling is struggling with balancing her academics and her extra curricular activities. She may tell you she is not sure how to do well in school and also do well in all her sports training or art classes outside of school. You may tell her, “Well, when I was in high school I also struggled with time management. I ended up making a weekly schedule where I blocked off time for each thing I had to do each day. This kept me organized and made me feel less stressed about all my commitments.”
   • Your sibling may also ask you for romantic advice. If you have experience in this area, you should encourage your sibling to talk about her feelings and the specifics of the situation. You may then be able to offer advice on how to have a healthy, responsible romantic relationship with someone. You may also be able to offer some perspective on relationships, especially if you have had a few experiences that taught you valuable lessons around romance and love.

Doing Kind Things for Your Sibling

1. Help with homework and other responsibilities. One of the kinder things you can do for your sibling is offer to help her with her homework and her other school work. If she has an oral presentation coming up, offer to listen to her present her presentation. If she is struggling with her math assignment, sit down with her and help her work through the assignment. Focus on practical ways to help your sibling succeed by offering your knowledge of particular subject or simply a helping hand so a project gets done on time.
   • You can also offer to help her complete her chores around the house or split them with her if she is working on a tight deadline for school.
2. Attend your sibling’s events or shows. Maybe your sibling has a performance coming up or a big sporting event. Make an effort to be in the audience and cheer her on from the stands. Attending her special events will be a nice thing you can do for her as a way to show your support as her big brother or big sister.
3. Stand up for her in awkward situations. As the older brother or older sister, you should watch out for younger sibling and stand up for her if she gets into any awkward or sticky situations. This may be confronting the school bully if he starts to pick on your sibling or mediating a fight between your sibling and your parents. Try to stay on your sibling’s side and work with her to resolve any problems or issues with others. Having your sibling’s back will show her that you are willing to be there for her and support her.
4. Encourage your sibling to pursue her interests and goals. A good big brother or sister will act as their sibling’s champion and encourage their sibling to be the best they can be. Take notice of your sibling’s abilities and talents, and then actively work to help her develop and improve them.
   • If your sibling shows an interest in painting, for example, you should encourage her to take classes in painting or to set up a painting studio at home. If your sibling shares a personal goal, for example, a desire to go to an Ivy League school, you should work with her to help her achieve this goal. This could mean helping her with her college applications and helping her draft her personal statement.

Being a Good Role Model for Your Sibling

1. Do well in school and at home. Be a good role model for your sibling by doing well in your studies and following through on your commitments at home. Your sibling will likely take notice if you are diligent about doing well in school and are also able to keep up with your responsibilities at home, such as sports practice or household chores. Working hard on your own needs and responsibilities will allow you to also be a good mentor to your sibling, as you will have enough of a grip on your own life to support your sibling.
   • Keep in mind that though you should work hard and do your best, you should also be willing to fail in front of your sibling. Though you may want to appear like the perfect role model, your sibling will likely respect you more if you show her you are human and prone to making mistakes. This will also make you seem more relatable and honest, as you can share your challenges and failures with your sibling, just as she will share hers with you.
2. Maintain a healthy social life. Another way you can be a good role model for your sibling is to try to maintain an active and healthy social life. Being able to connect with a group of friends can set a good example for your sibling and show her how to be social around others.
   • If your sibling is struggling to make friends and connect with others, you may want to ask her to hang out with your friends for a night. This will help her feel included and allow her to learn how to be social by following your example.
3. Demonstrate respect for your parents and your elders. Be respectful when your parents speak to you and be polite when you are around other elders, such as your teachers or your friends’ parents. Maintaining a good relationship with the elders in your life, from your parents to your teachers to your mentors, will help you develop into a good role model. It will also demonstrate the importance of respect for your elders to your sibling.
4. Apologize and acknowledge when you are wrong. A good role model is willing to admit when they are wrong and make a sincere apology for their mistake. If you make a mistake, you should be ready to apologize and acknowledge your misstep. Do this in front of your sibling to show her the value of an apology and the importance of being humble and honest, even when you are wrong. This will allow your sibling to understand that it is okay to make mistakes and that it is essential to acknowledge them so you can move past them.

Sources and Citations

See also

• Have a Better Relationship With a Younger Brother
• Be a Good Big Sister
• Be a Good Little Sister
• Be a Good Brother
• Get Along with Your Brother or Sister
• Be a Good Sister
• Get Along with Your Sister
• Be Nice to Your Brother
• Be Friends with Your Younger Sister

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• Get Your Little Brother to Stop Bugging You