Have a Better Relationship With a Younger Brother
Having a younger brother at times can be a blessing or a curse, depending upon your outlook on life. However, what is important is the fact that both you and your brother, have a unique relationship that no one is supposed to interfere with, nor attempt to manipulate.
Steps
- Talk. Older siblings must find common ground with their younger brother, it can be girls/boys, sports, art, music. Especially, if you have not spoken in a long time, this serves as a good ice-breaker. Also, do not be afraid to share the meaning of brotherhood, or what your brother means to you.
- Spend time together. While talking is good, spending time with your brother is also a good thing to do as well. Keep in mind, that you should set a specific day and time for hanging out, especially if you both live hectic lives. Try to alternate ideas on what and where to go, so that everyone can be happy.
- Create emotional bonds. Learn ways to show an emotional bond to your brother. Although this may be strange to hear, emotional bond, think about it clearly. Some younger children, as well as older children, often feel as though they are alone, and that no one loves them. This gives way to the younger sibling, and/or the older sibling, finding outlets to persons and groups that they should not, in an attempt to find the all important "love" and "acceptance," that they already have, yet do not feel.
- Acceptance. Many Families, and many cultures do not accept certain things from their children, and/or loved ones. This could be as simple as piercing, tattoos, sexual preference/orientation, etc. Someone wise once said, "It is not what we are that is important, but who we are that is." Children who often find difficulty in being accepted will go out of their way to experience acceptance for others, and not their family. As a big brother, it is your job to show acceptance of your brother, no matter what.
- Keep your word. A man's spoken word, is who they are. Remember that in many ways you are a role model for your growing brother. If you say you will do something, or give something, keep your word and your promise. It may not seem like a lot now, but down the road it helps build a strong, healthy relationship with your brother.
- Offer advice when needed. At times, your brother may come to you asking for advice about a particular problem, the key is to be open to different possibilities that you did not see before. You have to listen, and think about "what is" versus "what you think." Speak clearly, and do not give advice that is what your brother wants to hear, but give more of a heartfelt tough lesson if necessary.
- Be friends, not just brothers. Many people think that just because you have a younger brother, or an older brother, you have a built-in eternal friend. This is not true, a large number of brothers do not even like each other. This is not to say that they do not care about on another, but merely that along the road of life, they walked a bumpy path with one another, and complicated things have happened. Having a brother, a real brother, should always be a blessing. Learn to keep the paths of communications open, and clean. Learn to be the guiding light that shines upon confusing times. Be there for your brother, and remain sure they know you as a friend also.
- Smooth over rough spots after a fight. Every sibling relationship, is bound to have a fight or two. One important thing about fighting with a sibling, is learning to take blame, where blame is due. Another is to learn to apologize, and move on after these events. Do not hold onto something, when you know deep inside you should have let it go. Do not keep getting aggravated at something that already happened. When it's done, it's done. What's best is to apologize and not let history repeat itself. Believe it or not, at times, one of the most important people in a younger brother's life is the older brother they look up to. At times, refusing to ask for or give forgiveness does damage subconsciously, and may lead to a false belief that, "My brother does not love me. Why would he keep fighting and arguing with me if he did?"
- Give. Giving gifts to your sibling may seem like an okay thing, but that all depends upon the type of gift, as well as the meaning behind the gift. Gifts should be meaningful, as well as a way for one brother to express themselves. It has been proven that males, are far less likely to express themselves emotionally for fear of being labeled. However, to have a healthy brother-brother relationship, expressing emotions, feelings, thoughts, ideas, and so on, is part of the process. Although different than the dating and marital process, these are still an important part of the relationship. So giving a gift, such as a Christmas gift, or a birthday gift, is a simple way of showing that you, the Big Brother, took the time and patience to choose something your brother may want or need. It also shows a level of caring.
- Understand. Sometimes events occur that play a part in changing your relationship with your brother, either taking away from it, or helping it grow. For example, breaking promises takes away from the brother relationship, and the brother bond. Sometimes, difficult things occur. The key is understanding. Yes, at times it hurts, but the point is you have to show a level of understanding. "I love you" versus "love you." Again, love is an emotion, and while many men clearly love their older, and younger brothers, they do not always show or say it. It is unhealthy to let negative and/or positive feelings reside within one's heart, without finding an acceptable way to express those said negative/positive feelings. Sometimes a simple "I Love you" can be the key to making one's day seem brighter. Pay attention - there is a difference between "I Love You," and "Love You." "I Love You" shows deeper and more personal appreciation for the emotion. "I Love You" shows through word and action that it is one individual's love for another. While "Love You" is merely an agreement that love for a person exists, it does not show that that the love is personal towards another.
Tips
- Do not be afraid to show emotions around, or towards your brother. If your brother needs a shoulder to cry on, he should be comfortable knowing that his brother is there.
- Show your brother continued interest in his life.
- Keep in contact with your brother, especially if you do not live under the same roof, or with your parents.
- Remember you are a role model, so try your best to live up to that title.
- Try to avoid fighting with siblings, especially when your mom is really upset with you or your sibling.
Warnings
- Do not let your younger brother walk on you emotionally. If you have something to say, say it.
- Never scold your brother. Try to discuss and sort out matters in private.
- Do not always be the one spending money for activities the both of you are enjoying, especially when you are spending time with one another. Be fair.
- Do not invite others when you plan to spend time with your brother unless special arrangements are made.
- Do not try to spent time with your brother, when he wants to hang out with his friends, or girl/boyfriend. No one likes being the third wheel, so do not let yourself become one.
- Do not over-give gifts and spoil your brother.
- It is okay to lend your brother money, but do not let it become a habit, because chances are, you may not ever see the money again. The reverse is true with younger brothers lending older brothers money.
- While it may be tempting hitting your brother will only make things worse down the road and will act even more hostile later on in life. Tickling is a good alternative, especially if you're already bigger than him and it can bring the same point without as much hostility in the end.
- Don't smother him. It will take time to become close.
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- Have a Bond with Your Sister
Sources and Citations
- Men's Health at About.com [1]
