Be a Good Wingman

Maybe your buddy just broke up with his girlfriend and you want him to meet someone new. Maybe he winged for you last week, and you ended up going home with a 10. Whatever your reason for winging for your friend, if you want to be good at what you do, then you have to know how to avoid stealing the spotlight and how to help your friend get with the girl he wants without calling too much attention to yourself. If you don't want to just wing it, then follow these steps and your friend will be thanking you in no time.

Steps

Making Your Approach

1. Don't try to wing for someone who is significantly less appealing than you. These are harsh words, but they are true. If you're a knockout who looks like a mix between Ryan Gosling and Tom Brady while your friend is slightly below average in the "appeal to girls" department, then you're just not likely to succeed. You and your friend should be pretty similar in terms of your attractiveness, your outgoing nature, and your general appeal to women. Otherwise, the girl or girls you meet are likely to latch on to you, and your buddy will feel even worse.
   • This doesn't mean that your friend can't appeal to girls more than you just because he's less attractive. But if he also lacks charisma and doesn't know how to talk to girls, while you're a smooth operator, then you won't have much luck.
2. Let your friend take the lead. When you come up to the girls, make it so they notice your friend first. If you come up to them and your friend stays quiet, they'll think that he's winging you and are likely to get their signals crossed. He should be the one who introduces you guys and starts the conversation, while you make your way in. You don't have to look like a total dud during this process, of course, but the girls should notice your friend, not you.
   • If there is just one girl, you can let him talk to her first and join him later.
   • If there are two girls, which is more likely, then there are two schools of thought: some say you should wait two minutes to approach, while others, like the relationship guru Chase Amante, say you should wait as long as it takes for your friend to warm up the girls before you come in.
3. Give him dibs. That's what the wingman is for, isn't he? Sure, one girl may be from your hometown, love the SF Giants as much as you do, and look like Megan Fox's more down-to-earth twin, but you can't have her. If you're winging, then it's either because you owe your friend one, or because you're not single, or just because you want your friend to have a good time. That means you can't switch horses midstream and take over the girl that your friend has his eye on. If there's only one girl, then obviously you should hang back even more, but if there are two, give your friend the one he wants and occupy the other.
   • Learn how to read cues to tell which girl your friend wants. Sometimes, this can be painfully obvious, but other times, you'll have to read the signs to see where your friend is headed. Check to see who he locks eyes with and tries to stand closer to, or if he tries to sneak you a dirty look if you're paying too much attention to his girl.
4. Start pairing off. "Occupy" isn't just a radical protest movement; for the rest of the night, it should be your mantra. If there are two girls, let your friend take the one he wants and spend your time focusing on the other girl, distracting her, and generally keeping her busy. Hey, it may be hard work, but no one ever said that being a wingman is easy. You don't have to pull her away from her friend, but you should make it clear that she is your girl for the night. Try to pay as little attention as possible to the other girl, even if she's making eyes at you.
   • It's important that once you figure out which girl your friend wants, that you stick to the other girl from the beginning. If you try to switch off in the beginning, the girls will get confused.

Knowing Your Role

1. Work interference if necessary. Think of yourself as part friend, part bodyguard. If other guys to try come your way to horn in on the object of your friend's eye, then you have to get the guy out of the way however you can without ending up looking like a jerk. It's likely other guys will want to talk to the girl if she's something special, so be on the lookout for interlopers. If male friends of the girl come by, though, then you have to try to be as nice as you can without letting them take her away.
   • Sometimes, you will have to interfere against other girls. Either the other girl you're with or other random girls will try to talk to your friend, or other girls will try to steal the attention of the girl your friend wants. Stave them off by distracting them, getting in their way, or just boring them to death until they bug off.
2. Know when to talk and when to shut up. This is another key attribute of the successful wingman. You should talk, make the girls laugh, reveal a bit about yourself, and keep the conversation flowing, but you shouldn't talk so much that you end up stealing the show and come off looking funnier, smarter, cooler, or just outshine your friend. He should be the one who does more of the talking, and you should bail him out when there's an awkward silence or when you can contribute something that makes your friend look good...but not too good (more on that later).
   • Don't interrupt your friend when he's talking unless you really have something to add. If you do that, you'll make your friend look like a chump.
   • If it does get a little quiet, don't say "Now this is awkward..." Just speak up and roll with it.
3. Don't get distracted. Maybe a gaggle of the hottest girls you've ever seen just rolled in. Maybe your favorite team is neck and neck with its rival and they've gone into overtime. Maybe your brother called, asking for a favor. That's all good and fine, but not tonight, if you want to be a good wingman. You have to focus like laser on the task at hand, which is, namely, to get your friend to go home with, or at least to get the number of, the girl he's interested in.
   • Tell yourself that you're doing your friend a favor, and that you'll get your turn another day.
4. Don't get too wasted. This should go without saying, but this is a mistake wingmen are prone to making. You're helping out your friend by talking to a girl you don't really care about, so can you blame yourself for getting totally hammered in the first 45 minutes because you're bored out of your mind? Yeah, you can. How can you be a good wingman if you're suddenly seeing double? You can't. If you drink too much, you will look like a fool and will make your friend look like a fool by association. And who wants to go home with a fool?
   • Pace yourself. If it's a heavy drinking kind of night and your friend and the other girls are going for it, that's one thing, but you don't want to be the guy who has had five shots of tequila while everyone else is just sipping their first drinks.
5. Stay in it for the long haul. Getting tired? Wanting to go home to play Xbox? Missing your girlfriend and wishing you can whisper sweet nothings into the phone as you say goodnight to each other? Too bad. Tonight is not your night to make decisions, my friend. Unless you really have a pressing reason to go home or are having a particularly horrible time, you have to grin and bear it.
   • As soon as you say you have to go home, the spell is over, and you will have ruined your friend's chances if he hasn't come close to closing.
   • If you're really wanting to leave, give your friend some advance notice -- even if you have to shoot him a text -- so he can come up with a plan for staying in touch with the girl.
6. If you're taken, mention it...eventually. Yeah, if you approach two girls and announce that you have a girlfriend within the first five minutes, they probably won't want to talk to you if they're out and about and looking for some men to keep them company. But if you go an hour or two hours without mentioning your girl, then you'll start to look sketchy. Find a casual way to introduce your girlfriend into the conversation, even if it sounds slightly forced, once you've gotten to know the girl or girls a bit better.
   • You don't want to be that guy who talks about his precious girlfriend every five minutes, but you do want the girl or girls to know that you're taken so the right girl can focus on your friend even more.

Helping Your Friend Score

1. Make your friend look good...but not too good. If you read enough advice about being a good wingman, you'll start to think that your goal is to tell the girl or girls how amazing your friend is; that you have to tell them that he's the smartest, coolest, richest, most talented guy in the world. Well, they'll be on to you faster than white on rice if you go down this path, so make your friend look good only if you can make this part of the conversation naturally.
   • If you do say something nice about your friend, don't turn to the girls with a creepy, "Isn't he great?" kind of look on your face.
   • This doesn't mean that you should put your friend down or make him look like a loser in front of the girl. That won't help, either, and you'll both end up looking stupid.
2. Keep your friend presentable. Let your buddy know if he spilled beer on his crotch, has a booger coming out of his nose, or if his fly is unzipped. And also, let him know if he's getting too drunk and making a fool of himself. If you want your friend to get some action, then you have to keep him looking good for the girl of his dreams. Even if you're occupying another girl, don't ignore your friend completely and make sure that he's staying on track. That'll help him score without making it seem like you're holding his hand.
   • If you do have to tell him that he spilled on his shirt or that something about his appearance is off, try to be subtle about it.
3. Let your friend know if he has no chance. This is another key aspect of being a wingman. Has your friend been talking to the same eye-rolling girl for the past hour? If you see him talking to a girl who is looking around the room, checking her phone every five minutes, or just looking like she's in the middle of a chemistry lecture, then you'll be doing your friend a favor by saying, "Hey man, I think we should move on." Though his pride may be wounded, he'll thank you for not wasting his night.
   • An hour is actually a long time to wait. You can figure out whether or not the girl is warming up to your friend in as little as ten to fifteen minutes. Sometimes, you'll see that he has no chance in just one or two minutes.
4. Be a good connector. This is another way that you can help your friend score with the girl. Think of things that your friend and the girl have in common and try to make them find a common bond whenever you can. If the girl mentions that she just took a trip to L.A., mention that your friend is from there if he doesn't hear her; if you notice the girl has an Oakland A's keychain, tell her that your friend is obsessed with the team. Look for opportunities to get your friend and the girl talking even more than they already are.
   • Don't make this too much of a stretch. You can't force them to talk about a topic that they really don't know all that much about.
5. End the night like a pro. At the end of the night, you should hang back and let your friend work his magic with the girl. If you have two girls, then maybe you can move on somewhere else first so they feel more comfortable. But if you've both been talking to one girl, go to the bathroom, pretend you have to make a phone call, or order another drink while they're wrapping up. Do whatever you have to do to get out of the way so your friend can get the girl's number...or ask the girl to go home with him.
   • If the end game is your friend leaving with the girl, then make sure you have a way of getting home. You don't want to put a buzzkill on the situation when you have to take the cab back with your friend and his new love interest.
   • If the girl and your friend still don't end up hitting it off, don't sweat it. You tried your best and will have another chance to try out your wingman skills.

Tips

• Remember tact, be subtle in assistance.

Warnings

• This also may not be a good idea if you like the person your friend likes.
• You might not want to get in the middle of a relationship like this to avoid any fights that may come up.
• Try not put yourself in a position where you feel obligated to be with the target's friend

Related Articles

• Pick Up a Girl in a Club
• Meet Women During the Day
• Be a Wingwoman
• Tell Someone You're Not Interested
• Avoid Being Annoying While Around Your Friends
• Be Outgoing in College

Sources and Citations

See also

• Compromise
• Impress Adults
• Be Social
• Attract an ISTJ Personality
• Respond to Nosy Questions from Others
• Show Someone You Appreciate Them
• Fist Bump
• Ask a Girl to Hang Out
• Impress a Guy
• Relate to an Autistic Person

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