Be a Walking Contradiction
Template:AttentionBeing a contradiction is a way of life. You'll be amazing and unique, when you walk down the street people will go, "Whoa! There she is. Is she running, is she walking? The world may never know!"
Contents
Steps
- Never let your clothing reflect who you are! If you're sporty, start wearing skinny jeans and trench coats. If you're a happy person, dress in black, and dye your hair red, the color of blood.
- Keep your pants on! Most contradictions don't wear pants! If you wear pants, you'll be a double contradiction! People will never know whether to call you a contradiction or a parrot head!
- Claim you hate bands and singers such as The Black Eyed Peas and Selena Gomez but when you hear one of their songs, loudly announce that you've been waiting all day for this song to come on. Hate on Justin Bieber, act like you have no idea what a dusty beaver is.
- Buy all your clothing from the mall, but never buy brand name clothing.
- Make a point to wear sunglasses on cloudy days, and only wear sandals and flip-flops in the winter or on school days.
- Refuse to wear socks on Thursdays. Tell people it's against your religion; if they ask what religion tell them you're an agnostic atheist, or a Christian atheist. If they're over sixteen, they might actually know what this means and question you about it.
- Never let your clothing reflect your personality. You may want to start wearing trench pants and puffy red sweaters.
- Consider dying your hair the opposite of its natural colour.
Religion
- Tell your boss you need Fridays off because it's your holy day. Make sure he knows you're a pastafarian.
- Always alert your friends that you cannot date until you are sixteen because you are a Mormon.
- Tell everyone you're an agnostic pastafarian Mormon who partakes in Jewish and atheist activities.
- Whenever you meet a new person, tell them your religion is European eclectic.
- Attend multiple churches. Always wearing shorts and a death angel t shirt.
Political views
- Tell people you're a conservative who believes in gay rights and abortion. Basically be a liberal, but a self proclaimed conservative,
- Go on and on about what an amazing president John Tyler was, and talk about your opinions of the Anglo-Zanzibar war.
- Consider becoming a Democratic Libertarian, who strongly supports Republican culture as a conspiracy theory.
Music taste
- Ask everyone to buy you Wolfgang and Emily's Army CDs for holidays.
- Wear a deadmau5 shirts but claim it's because you like the rabbits.
- Buy all of Justin Bieber's CDs, and cover your wall in posters, but never talk about him or use his name in a sentence.
- Listen to Green Day constantly! Know where Billie Joe Armstrong is at every second of the day! But only talk about the song American Idiot, and insist that dookie was a muse album.
- Use the band name "My Chemical Romance" in every sentence, but when someone asks you about them just say "Who?! Why would you say that!"
- Wear only band t-shirts that you know nothing about and when someone asks you about it, just insist that you know them. But, proceed to later say how much you hate said band.
Sports
- Always insist you hate soccer, but be sure to be fully involved in the soccer community.
- Never let anyone see you exercise, but make sure you have a six-pack anyway.
- Wear all athletic clothing and shoes, but when someone asks you what sport you play just laugh in their face and tell them that you don't believe in exercise.
Food
- Tell everyone you're allergic to seafood, but make sure to eat a bit of lobster when out with friends.
Daily life
- Walk your turtle daily.
- Make high test grades and always turn in your homework, but try your hardest not to participate.
- Contradict everything you say.
- Carry an umbrella on sunny days and always have it open indoors.
- Hug an old person. Turn. Scream at a child. Apologize.
Tips
- Never forget to wear your shirts inside out!
- Always jog three miles a day, but don't avoid letting others see you!
Warnings
- Make sure you have a complicated answer when someone says, "What's up?": "Oh I'm just graphing the square millimeters this tree has grown over the past three years in my head!" or "Thinking about hotels as post present metaphors!"
