Be an Indie Rock Elitist
Elitism (n) - The belief that certain persons or members of certain classes or groups deserve favored treatment by virtue of their perceived superiority, as in intellect, social status, or financial resources.
If you wish to establish yourself as an indie rock elitist, whose opinions and views are so intimidating that they are to respected by all, then this guide is for you. It is not a simple task, but to the persistent go the spoils. Good luck.
Contents
Steps
- Seek out influential indie albums (regardless of whether or not you enjoy them). Listen to and study them so that you're prepared for conversing with fellow indie rock elitists in the future.
- When you run out of influential albums, try for the most impressively obscure recordings available. If you run out of ideas, you may need to begin listening to groups from other countries, in languages that you don't understand (eg: 60s French pop, popularly known as yé-yé). This is an important facet of advanced elitism.
- Choose one or two bands (of course, the more obscure, the better) to latch yourself onto. Compare everything else to these bands, and whenever possible, make a point of saying that "[selected band/song/album] is better."
- If you're successful, fellow elitist wannabes will begin to agree with you. Whenever this happens, you need to say something along the lines of "I liked them first." This will help develop both your superiority and your bitterness (a staple of elitism).
- Establish yourself in your community as an expert on every music-related topic (it doesn't matter whether or not you really know what you're talking about). Once people begin to respect you, you'll need to start using stronger sarcasm and general rudeness to demonstrate your superiority.
- If you're an introverted kind of person (many elitists are), do not fret! Discussing music in person is wholly unnecessary. The internet (online message boards, etc.) can be a fantastic tool for exercising your skills at condemning others' taste, as well as allowing you to learn techniques from well-established, expert elitists.
- If possible, you may want to become associated with a group of like-minded elitists. Your ultimate goal is, of course, to be head of the pack. However, when you're starting out, it can be incredibly helpful to have acquaintances who are willing and able to back you and your opinions up. This will also allow you to form special "indie inside jokes" which will not only annoy others, but also increase your feelings of superiority and general indie compatibility.
- As your evolution begins to take place, it's important to begin using new techniques to distinguish yourself. You'll need to change based upon current trends, keep surprising people with new styles of sarcasm, etc. Stay alert.
- Alternatively, join the Indie Rock Club at your school
Tips
- If you're feeling guilty about your constant disapproval of others' music palates, simply remind yourself that you are truly superior, and you have a right to attack them in any way you see fit.
- Any situation is which music is being discussed, it's important to assert every opinion (baseless or otherwise) that you may have. Seize every opportunity, and you will quickly see results.
- No one is to be spared of your criticism. This is difficult, but if you slip up, no one will take you seriously. Gentleness can cause irreparable damage.
- While this guide refers specifically to indie music, there's an all-encompassing indie lifestyle that you may choose to pursue. Watching indie films (foreign indie films score extra points), wearing indie clothing, having indie hairstyles and eating indie cereal can all aid you in your quest to be truly indie.
Warnings
- People may question your taste. In such cases, just remember to drop as many names as possible, and never accept any criticism. Before you convince others of your knowledge and superiority, you must convince yourself.
- Do not become distracted. As previously mentioned, the goal that you seek requires diligence. Keep your eyes on the prize, and remember that to be an indie rock elitist is to be truly great.
- Indie elitism isn't for everyone. You could become isolated from your friends (but then again, if they have bad taste in music, they're probably not true friends), generally despised, etc.
