Convince Your Child Not to Go to War
Seeing your child want to go to war is difficult on any parent. Even disregarding personal beliefs about violence, war is fraught with dangers and difficulties that no non-veteran can imagine. If your child is interested in joining the armed forces during wartime, it's important to be open to their reasons and hear them out. You can also present fairly to them the reasons you want them not to go. The final decision will be theirs.
Steps
- Talk to your child and understand why they want to go to war. Listen carefully to their reasons—you might learn something about your child that you did not know before. Make sure that they want to go to war in order to serve their country, and not to get away from something at home. If the reason they give is the latter, help them find a way to deal with their issues in a more constructive way.
- Show your child how much you love them and would miss them if they left for war. Of course you should be showing them affection and gratitude throughout their lives, not just to stop them from enlisting, but emphasizing your emotions at this time may sway their decision.
- Show your child war statistics. There is a very real but slight possibility that they may return deceased, disabled or with psychological problems. Make sure they understand the risks.
- On the flipside, be fair about the benefits of military service. It can be a big career boost and teach valuable life and job skills. They will not find it difficult to find employment afterwards. Look at unemployment rates among veterans; they are staggeringly low.
- Ask veterans you know to share their experiences. The best way for your child to make up their mind is to talk with an active duty service member and learn the truth from someone who knows it firsthand. An anti-war protester will paint a biased picture, as will a war supporter who has never been out in the battlefield themselves. Have your child talk to someone who is already serving, who you know will be completely honest about what they have gone through.
- Make sure that your child understands the operation of the military. Once a person joins the armed forces, they are not allowed to choose which wars they fight. They are obligated to serve their nation without question until they are discharged.
- Additionally, there is no set schedule of the hours your child will work. On average, service members in combat arms jobs work from 7 a.m. to 4 p.m. While deployed, the military tries not to overstretch their work-load but when overseas, a service member typically works an average 9-12 hour day. While deployed, service members work through holidays and weekends. However, military salary is very sufficient. On average, a service member earns about 20% more than their civilian peers when you factor in all the extras.
- Explain to your child that discipline in the military is absolute. The most common form of punishment is a "smoke session" and being yelled at, where the offending service member does intense physical exercise for a brief amount of time to remember not to make the mistake again.
- Make sure they understand the commitment. Your child must know is that someone who joins the military cannot simply resign, on account of contractual obligations. The military invests a great deal of time and money into training each recruit. If your child decides that the military is not for them, help and support them to finish their current enlistment period.
- Recruits whose enlistment periods are cut short are not role models for your child; they are typically drug addicts or they go AWOL (absent without leave). The military does not tolerate drugs or people who cannot fulfill their contracts honorably. If your child has recently struggled with substance abuse or other serious personal problems, make clear to them that they are not suitable for the army's standards of conduct.
- Be supportive. If you have tried everything and your child is still determined to join the armed forces, let them know that you love them and support them. Remember that at the end of the day, they are a legal adult and joining the armed forces is their decision. A parent also needs to realize that joining the military is not a death sentence; few members are in combat, even fewer see death or kill someone themselves. It will not be helpful for either you or your child to become estranged before they leave, so spend as much time together as you can before they are deployed.
Tips
- Insist that your child speak with past and active duty service members.
- If personal freedoms are important to your child, make it clear that these freedoms oppose the essential structure and functioning of the military, and that therefore your child will not receive many while deployed.
- Know the tactics used by recruiters such as enlistment contracts.
- Should your child enlist: make sure that any and all promises, guaranteed jobs/career fields, pay, duty posts, etc. be put in writing in the form of an official contract signed by the recruiter making the promise, the recruit and at least one witness (the official contract will be signed and printed at MEPS).
- Go to as many meetings with recruiters as possible. You can show your support and ask questions during and after so as to clear up misconceptions, highlight good and bad points and generally ensure that your child has total perspective before making their decision.
