Convince Your Parents

Want an ice cream cone? Want permission to go see Justin Bieber in concert? Want money to travel the world? Want permission to marry someone? Convincing your parents of anything can seem like a daunting task whether you're a kid, teen, or adult. Regardless of whether you need their permission or their help to pay for something, you’ll need to formulate your argument, broach the subject in a strategic way, and then make your argument convincingly. If you prepare ahead of time, your chances of convincing your parents will improve greatly.

Steps

Formulating Your Argument

  1. Determine what you want and why. Many parents are incredibly patient. Others are not patient at all. If you want to ask for something, know exactly what that something is. If you fumble over your words, your parent might grow impatient, which will reduce your chances of success.
    • Be able to justify your side. Do you want to borrow the car this weekend? Why do you need to borrow the car? Why should your interests be taken into consideration? Consider these questions before you broach the subject with your parents, because they will most certainly ask.[1]
  2. Provide evidence. If research will help you make your point, do it. Ask others for their advice. Research specific materials online concerning your point. For example, if you want a new iPhone, iPad, or any other Mac product, be able to tell your parents why you want that specific product. Does it run faster than any other device? Does it offer specific features that will help you in school, work, or life in general?
  3. Play to your audience. If you know that your parents care about one thing more than another, be sure to anticipate those preferences. If your parents have been hounding you about your grades for weeks and you want to get a new laptop, stress how the purchase will help you earn better grades. If your parents want you to get a better job, stress how a new car will help you get to your future job.[2]
    • Remember that your parents want to see you happy, but they also want to see their ideals in your life choices. Find a middle ground between your desires and your parents' ideals.
  4. Anticipate counter arguments. Sometimes you’ll think that no one in their right mind will disagree with your point, but there are always counter points to consider. If you know your audience (or your parents), you'll probably be able to guess what concerns they'll have. Think about how to reduce opposition. Most likely, you’ll have to gradually chip away at their defenses.
    • One way to reduce your parent’s opposition to your request is to meet them halfway. If you want a new car, offer to match their funds. If your parents pay $X towards your new vehicle, you’ll match it. If your parents are willing to pay for the car, you’ll gladly pay for insurance and gas costs.[3]
  5. Exploit your parent’s weaknesses. This sounds strange, but everyone is susceptible to different types of argumentation. Some parents will succumb to shows of emotion. If you cry when you ask for something, they’ll be overcome with empathy. They just want to make you feel better and will give in immediately. Others want to feel like a hero. Make these parents feel like they are saving you in some way and they’ll give in. Other parents are simply self-interested. For these parents, you’ll have to find ways of bargaining with them.

Broaching the Subject

  1. Ask nicely. Request. Don’t demand. Some subjects are delicate. If you are asking for something that requires the other person to sacrifice, don’t approach the matter in a negative way.[4]
    • For instance, if you want to borrow the car over the weekend, say “I know you wanted to use the car this weekend, but I would really like to go see my friends at the mall.” In this example, we started by recognizing the needs of another person and then framing our request against those needs. Make sure that you use appropriate respectful language and are simply polite.
  2. Flatter your parents. Compliment their appearance and their actions. Recognize what your parents take pride in and then focus your compliments on that subject. Then make your case politely. Don’t make it obvious. Don’t just run up to your mother and say “I like your hair today. Can I have a new video game?” Your compliment will seem disingenuous. Get your parent into a good mood with compliments. Then wait a couple of minutes at least before you ask for something.[5]
  3. Find the right time. Timing is everything in comedy and convincing your parents of anything. Parents are human beings too. Everyone makes decisions based on their emotions. There is no helping it. Wait until your parent is in a good mood.
    • Don’t ask for things when they get home from work. They want to be appreciated when they walk in the door. They don’t want to be hassled at that exact moment.
    • Don’t make your case when your parent is in the middle of something else. We’ve all seen commercials of children bugging their parents for something while they’re on the phone, paying bills, or watching their favorite television shows. It never works out for the child. Learn from this. Wait until the ideal time to ask your parents.

Making the Argument

  1. Clearly state your goal. Thoroughly explain what it is you hope to get and why you hope to get it. Depending on the nature of the subject, you can ask your parents to hear your entire argument before responding. If they agree, then you can lay out your goal, present your evidence, anticipate their counter points or concerns, and then conclude.[6]
    • Hopefully, your parents will hear you out until you are finished. If not, you'll need to be able to present your points in the form of a conversation. Make your point. Hear their counterpoint and then rebut. Don't lose your cool. Don't resort to condescension or screaming.
  2. Bargain. Don’t just take from your parents. Give back. Since you are asking a favor of them, it would be nice, if you offered something in return. Your parents want to see you be happy, but they also have to get other things done.
    • The strongest strategy for bargaining with your parents is offering to do chores. If you want to borrow the car over the weekend, offer to do chores at home or around town. Make your request worth more to them than just making you happy. If they feel like they are making you happy and getting something else out of it, they’ll be more likely to acquiesce to your request.[7]
  3. Ask for a delayed response. “Don’t answer yet.” “Just think about it. No rush. Get back to me when it is convenient.” No one likes being put on the spot, especially if it concerns a more serious request or issue. Your parent’s gut reaction will be to say “No”. To avoid getting a rejection immediately, give your parent some time to decide and to consult with your other parent. This will also show your parents that you are mature and not impetuous.[5]
    • This tactic only works with requests that aren't time specific. If you need to borrow the car this weekend. You don't want to put off getting your parent's answer because then you won't have time to secure other transportation. If, for example, you want to get a new pet, this strategy might work better. Because getting a new pet is such a commitment, it is best to not rush your parents into it.
  4. Understand your parent’s argument. If you want to retort or convince your parents of your side, you'll need to discount their argument. So even if they say "no" this doesn't mean that they'll always say "no". Ask for an explanation. Hopefully, your parent won’t just play the parent card — “because I said so”. Hopefully, they’ll explain their side of the debate. If they do, try to understand what is driving their reasoning. Then make counter-arguments or proposals that undercut those arguments and support your own.[8]
    • For example, if your parents say no to getting a new dog based on the premise that you are not responsible enough, find ways to show them otherwise. Start behaving more responsibly and when they notice, bring up getting a new dog again. "Look I am responsible. Now that you recognize my ability to be responsible, can we get a dog?" Remember that one of the best ways to counter a parent's argument is through your actions.
  5. Re-evaluate. There may be other ways of convincing your parents. Take a moment to regroup and to re-evaluate alternate strategies. You might conclude to let it go. Hopefully, you've succeeded, but if you haven't, your desire to convince your parent might wane. It might not be worth it to you any more to convince your parent. Some parents won’t think about changing their opinions once their mind is set. If this is the case, you may have to consider alternative avenues to getting what you want.[9]
    • For example, if your parents refuse to help you buy a car, you will need to get a job and save your money to buy one yourself.

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Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/building-logical-arguments.html
  2. ↑ http://www.mesacc.edu/~paoih30491/ArgumentsPapa.html
  3. ↑ http://www.byparents-forparents.com/parenting/how-to-avoid-bargaining-with-your-teen.htm
  4. ↑ http://www.mesacc.edu/~paoih30491/ArgumentsThreeTypesTRT.html
  5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/hanaan-rosenthal/advice-for-teens_b_2037523.html
  6. ↑ https://hbr.org/2003/09/how-to-pitch-a-brilliant-idea
  7. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Q4tsUARNMI
  8. ↑ http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/227296
  9. ↑ http://www.dumblittleman.com/2013/01/7-effective-ways-to-deal-with-rejection.html
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