Convince Your Parents to Let You Have Your Own Bedroom

You are ready for a room of your own, but you don't think your parents are ready to give it to you. Your parents are in control, so convincing them to give you what you want can be a challenge. Look at the situation from their point of view to find a way to make having your own room seem appealing. Have a calm, convincing conversation and follow it up with actions proving you deserve your own room, and that it will be great for everyone!

Steps

Planning Your Strategy

  1. Make a list of your priorities. This will help you organize your thoughts and remember everything you want to say when you have your conversation with your parents. It can be as short or long as you need it to be. Some reasons you may consider could include:[1]
    • You are getting older and would like more privacy for yourself, for inviting friends over, or for focusing on homework.
    • You’ve outgrown the room you are in and the two of you no longer fit.
    • Your sibling is messy and you would like a clean space.
    • You are having trouble sleeping.
  2. Consider your parents’ point of view. They have set the house up this way for a reason. Maybe you can find a way that having your own room is a solution to a problem like getting along with your siblings or having a quieter home because you have your own space. Think about where your parents are in this situation and it will help you predict what challenges may arise, as well as help you communicate in a way that appeals to them. [2]
    • What have they said yes to in the past and why?
    • What are they currently using the space for which you want to have as a room?
    • How would giving you your own room appeal to them?
  3. Plan out the new layout of the house. If there is space in the house that you are eyeing to be your own room, it is likely already being used for something else. Make plans about how the house can be rearranged or you could compensate for the lost space.
    • If there is a guest room you want as your room, offer to let guests stay in your room when they visit and you can go back to your old room on those nights.
    • If the room is a shared space, you can offer certain times when you would share your room, or find a new place in the house for the public items in the room, like a television or video games.

Talking to Your Parents

  1. Find the right time to have the conversation. When you start this conversation, you will want to be sure you have enough time to finish it. Find a time when your parents aren't busy or stressed. It is best to find a time when they are relaxed and in a good mood.
    • Avoid busy times like getting ready for school and work, or late in the day when people are tired and getting ready for bed.
    • Consider scheduling a conversation in advance. Tell them you would like to talk to them about something and ask if you can have a conversation after dinner.
  2. Be an active listener. You will be the one to start the conversation, but remember that it is a two way street. Allow your parents to do some talking as well and really listen to what they have to say. Don’t interrupt. Nod your head when they are speaking. Try not to judge what they are saying.[3]
    • Remember what they are saying so you can repeat some of what they said back to them to let them know you heard them.
    • Once it is your turn to speak again, give feedback about what they said.
  3. Stay relaxed and calm. If you have this conversation while you are upset, it is going to reduce your chances of getting what you want. You will be unfocused and confusing, while sending off very negative signals. Stay calm and relaxed or put the conversation off until a later time.[4]
    • If you feel yourself getting stressed, take a few deep breaths and try to focus on something positive. Pet your dog, or sniff the smell of the great dinner you just ate. Use your senses.
    • Make a joke. Inserting a little humor can break the tension and relax everyone back into the conversation.
    • Don’t react disrespectfully in your actions and words by calling them names or slamming doors.
    • Ask, “Can we talk about this later? I think I need more time to get my thoughts together.”
  4. Explain the ways they will benefit from you having your own room. What are some things your parents want or need which would be provided if you have your own room? Find ways that it would make them happy and benefit them to rearrange the house.[5]
    • Tell them there will be less fighting between you and your siblings.
    • Offer the you would be able to get your homework done if you had your own room.
    • Promise to be responsible for cleaning that part of the house now.
  5. Write your parents a letter. If your conversation did not go the way you had hoped, you may be better at writing your thoughts than speaking them. You can write them a letter asking them to change their mind. Try writing it like you would write a persuasive essay.[6]
    • Start with an introduction explaining what you want and how you plan to convince them to agree with you.
    • Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence explaining what that paragraph is about and how it supports your argument. You can add several of these paragraphs.
    • Wrap it up with a conclusion that reviews your reasons and restates what you want in light of all of the support you have given in your letter.
  6. Offer a compromise. Maybe it doesn’t make logistical sense to have your own room right now, but maybe there is something smaller you can ask for. Think of a simpler solution which may give you some of the things you are looking for from having your own room.[7]
    • You could get your own desk for doing homework, crafts and storing some of your things.
    • Ask to be allowed to have the room to yourself when your friends some over.
  7. Give them time to think about it. Don’t insist that they say yes right away. You have spent plenty of time thinking about how badly you want your own room, but they may need some time to think about how to make it work. Time gives them distance from the intensity and stress of the conversation.
    • If they say, “no” right away, request that they take some time to think about it and get back to you later. Ask, “Will you think about it a little longer and we can talk about it again next week?”
    • There may come a point when you have to accept the answer “no”. If this is not the right time for you to get your own room, it is best to move on and not dwell on it. Tell them, “I understand,” and move on. You’ll have your own room eventually, just not today.

Proving You Deserve It

  1. Keep your current room clean. If your room is a mess, your parents don’t want that mess to spread through more of the house. It only takes ten minutes a day and a few simple steps to keep your room tidy and fresh.[8]
    • Start with the big, bad stuff. Is there a bunch of trash or piles of laundry in your room? Clear it out.
    • Make your bed.
    • Put a sock on each of your hands and wet one of them, then go around your room dusting with the dry hand and scrubbing with the wet one.
  2. Prove that you are responsible. You can let your parents know that you will take care of the space by showing responsibility in everything you do. Each little thing you do will earn you credit toward getting what you want. Go out of your way to be kind and responsible by doing more than is expected of you without being asked.
    • Take good care of the family pet.
    • Take care of your siblings by playing with them and helping them with chores or homework. They may be feeling like you are abandoning them for your own room.
    • Do some extra chores like the dinner dishes or the laundry.
    • Finish your homework early and get good grades.
  3. Express your gratitude. It is important to be thankful for the things your parents have done for you already. Thanking them for those things will let them know that you appreciate everything they do to take care of you. They will feel good about giving you what you want when they know you appreciate it. Showing gratitude improves your attitude and behavior as well as theirs.[9]
    • Start a gratitude journal and write down at least on thing you are thankful for every day.
    • Say “Thank you” for dinner. Especially if they take you out to a restaurant for a special night.
    • Thank them for your favorite toy and let them know how much it means to you.
    • Let them know that you really appreciate them providing the house you live in, the room you share and everything that is in it before you ask them for another room.

Tips

  • If you do end up moving rooms but not into the particular room you wanted, don't be annoyed! Some room is better than no room.

Warnings

  • Be kind to your sibling or whoever you currently share your room with. They may feel offended that you are trying to 'get away' from them. You may hurt their feelings or make them think that you don't enjoy staying in a room with them. An idea would be to explain to them that you need some privacy and space sometimes, and get them to be excited about getting their own room, too.

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Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=101056819
  2. ↑ https://hbr.org/2013/04/how-to-really-understand-someo
  3. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/effective-communication.htm
  4. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/conflict-resolution-skills.htm
  5. ↑ https://www.kent.ac.uk/careers/sk/persuading.htm
  6. ↑ https://www.hamilton.edu/writing/writing-resources/persuasive-essays
  7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/is-psychology-making-us-sick/201304/compromise-or-not-compromise
  8. ↑ http://www.rookiemag.com/2012/04/how-to-clean-your-room-in-10-minutes/
  9. ↑ http://education.byu.edu/youcandothis/expressing_gratitude.html
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