Deal With Moving Related Loneliness

Moving is a difficult thing to do, whether you are moving a few blocks away, or half a world away. Moving to a completely new area with no friends, family, or support system is particularly difficult and can quickly lead to loneliness. Fortunately, if you work hard at building community, getting involved, and ultimately making use of your feelings of loneliness, you can beat your isolation and settle into your new home.

Steps

Building Community

1. Get to know your neighbors. When you arrive in your new home, make an effort to get to know your neighbors. You might feel strange, or awkward, but even if you don’t become lifelong friends, you will benefit from being on friendly terms. A simple smile and wave will be enough for most people.
   • Stop by your immediate neighbors’ homes to say a quick hello and introduce yourself or your family. You can ask questions about the neighborhood (such as trash pick-up days), and can answer a few questions about yourself and your family.
   • If you feel comfortable, you can host a little party for your neighbors to get to know them, offering them a chance to meet you and get to know a little bit about you in a casual, relaxed setting.
2. Find a religious community. If you are religious, getting involved in your local church is an excellent way to meet likeminded people. Choose a church or meeting to attend, or choose several and visit a new one each week. See where you fit in and feel comfortable.
   • While some religions have strict rules about which church you can attend, most do not. Look around, visit different churches, and meet with different clergymen to find the right fit for you.
3. Join a social group or club. Groups run the gamut, from Young Republicans to book clubs. Evaluate your interests and search for a local group of people who enjoy similar hobbies or interests.
   • Social groups often have chapters worldwide. If you are already a member of any type of group, meet with the group’s leader to see if there is a branch in your new community, or a similar organization you can join.
   • Some apps are intended for this exact purpose. Meetup, iGon, Weave, and Majikal are just a few that offer groups, events, and local business opportunities. A word of caution, however: any time you meet strangers, be wary of divulging contact information, and always meet in a public place.
4. Use local message boards. Many towns have message boards and Facebook groups designed to keep people in touch with one another. Search to see if your town has a message board or Facebook group, and join in the conversation.
   • Some towns have Facebook groups specifically for selling or buying items, much like Craigslist. Although this might not seem like the ideal way to make friends, selling or searching for certain items could connect you to people in similar lifestyle situations, such as people with young children, or people who love to garden.
   • Visit your city’s website for information about message boards. Many cities will have these groups posted directly to the city’s website.
5. Make friends at work or school. If you are working or going to school, you have a built-in network of people. While not every person you work or go to school with will be an instant connection, make yourself known and familiar around the office or school.
   • If your colleagues are grabbing dinner after work, or having a drink, tag along. This will allow you to socialize without the pressure of getting work done, and will provide a low-key means of getting to know your coworkers.
   • Make use of after-school programs or extracurricular groups to meet more people in a setting they are familiar or comfortable with.
6. Ask for help. If you need help, ask for it. If you need help moving, find a moving service. If cleaning out your new home is drastically outside of your comfort zone, find a cleaning service and utilize their skills. You can meet some wonderful people by simply inviting them to perform a service for you.
   • While this may not be a great way to make friends, it is a great way to get an idea of what types of people and activities you have in your new town. You can ask the people you’ve hired what they like to do for fun, where they like to eat, etc.
   • Always treat people helping you with kindness. If they are providing a service, offer a tip. If they are helping for free (such as a neighbor helping you move in), give baked goods or a gift card in exchange.

Getting Involved

1. Volunteer your time. Volunteer to walk dogs at the local pet shelter, offer to help with toy donations at your local elementary school, or even offer your time to your local boy scouts troupe. In volunteering your time, you are giving back to your community, while meeting new people and making acquaintances.
   • When volunteering in a new place, start one volunteering position at a time. Even if you are a volunteer veteran, different cities and organizations place different expectations upon their workers.
   • Volunteer according to your interests. This will help you find people who enjoy similar things, which will increase the likelihood of making lasting connections.
   • If you volunteered with other organizations back home, the organization might have a chapter in your new town. Your previous chapter can send an email or make a call to make introductions. Habitat for Humanity and the Special Olympics are two nonprofits that have branches or offices in numerous towns.
2. Get involved in local boards and elections. To truly integrate yourself into your new community, you need to know what is going on in your city. Visit your city offices to find out what new laws or ordinances are being proposed, what types of services your city has to offer, and to discover whether or not your city has pressing needs you can assist with.
   • Although many boards will require an election process, city offices often have volunteer opportunities, and are happy to help people get involved.
   • When visiting your city office, offer your help. You can lead a park clean-up every Saturday morning, or offer a free yoga class during office lunch. The office may not have any available volunteer positions, but either way, you are making yourself known in your new home.
3. Visit local businesses. Although you may be tempted to indulge in your tried-and-true franchised places for food and necessities, step outside of the box and try new eateries and use local brick-and-mortar shops for your daily necessities. You will likely pay a higher price, but you will meet more locals this way, and can talk to the owners and workers about your new town.
   • Coffee shops are often great places to visit as you work to build community. Striking up a conversation with a stranger over coffee can provide a lot of insight into your home.
   • If you find a place you love, show it! Visit regularly, and let your face become familiar to the workers. You can build connections with the workers, or you might find yourself getting along with other regulars.
4. Take advantage of local excursions. Many cities organize nature hikes, community concerts, and even block parties. Take advantage of these offerings, as time permits, and immerse yourself in your new home.
   • If your city does not have any events like this organized, offer to help! If you have experience organizing parties or planning community events, offer your services. You might not get paid, but you can certainly get your name out in your new community, and you will come into contact with a lot of new faces.
5. Use local amenities, like the library or YMCA. Your city likely has basic services such as a library, a park, a community center, etc. Take advantage of these offerings! Check books out from the library, go for a stroll in the park, and enroll in a community class. These are all excellent ways to meet new people and make friends, and they all cost little to nothing--a great option for someone who has just incurred the expense of moving.
   • Most libraries have classes and groups that meet throughout the week. Join a book club, or meet with a “Mommy and Me” group to give yourself some more structure to your week, and meet people in your area.
   • Community centers typically have classes that might be offered at gyms and community colleges, but at a fraction of the price. Take advantage of these savings, and learn something new.

Making Use of Your Loneliness

1. Get settled in. Moving to a new place and having no friends or family might mean you have a lot of free time on your hands. Use this time to settle into your new home. Unpack, decorate, and purge, making your home a place you truly love and feel comfortable in.
   • Your home should be your place to retreat to. This is especially true if you have no sense of community or support where you live. Take time to fill your home with the things you love and give yourself permission to remove anything you don’t.
   • Part of getting settled in is getting everything changed over to your new address. Get your driver license changed, get your new library card, fill out change of address forms with the postal service, and register any vehicles with the DMV.
2. Fill your time wisely. Moving without community can mean having a lot of free time. This can be a wonderful advantage or a great difficulty. If you find yourself with a lot of extra time on your hands, try to avoid filling your time with TV and eating comfort foods, taking that time to instead get out and try something new, to study for school, or to get a leg up on any housework that needs to be done.
   • Although there is nothing wrong with watching TV, doing nothing else may result in lower self-esteem or a rapid loss of free time. If you must watch TV, try to do something productive during the inactive time, such as cleaning, cooking, or using a new skill such as knitting.
3. Cultivate a new skill. If you are finding it difficult to make new friends, despite having tried to get involved in your community, take time to cultivate a new skill. You can work on your skill at home, or a take a class--either way, opening yourself up to new experiences makes it far more likely that you’ll find people who share your interests.
   • Learning a new skill can be expensive, or entirely free, depending on where you go. You can join a local class, or you can use online tutorials for free (or at a reduced cost). Choose the option that best fits your financial needs and time constraints.
4. Say “yes” to invitations. If a neighbor invites you to a party, try to find the time to go. If you receive a mailed invitation to visit an open house for a new business, stop by and give it a glance. This can even be said of things you might not normally attend, like a holiday pageant at a local church, or a play at the community center. Each of these has the potential to connect you with people who can eventually become friends.
   • Try to step out of your comfort zone and start a conversation with the people around you. At a play, you might talk to the people in the seats on either side of you, or at a business opening, you might take a few minutes to talk to the new business owner. Take the opportunity to say a quick hello whenever possible.
5. Take time for yourself. Pamper yourself during this time. Soak your feet at the end of a long work day, get a massage, or take some time to meditate. While it might seem like a trial to be lonely, it can give you the benefit of some time to reflect and slow down.
   • Set aside some time to evaluate your priorities. What is it that you’re seeking in a community? What types of qualities are you looking for in a friend? A partner? Determine exactly how you’d like your life to look, and start working toward that goal.
6. Speak with a therapist. Don’t be afraid to seek the help of a mental health professional. Loneliness can lead to depression and other mental health concerns, so learn to recognize the difference between being sad that you don’t have a support system in the immediate area, and feeling hopeless and unable to break free from your sadness.
   • Although a therapist or counselor is not going to be able to cure your loneliness, they might have some tools to minimize the effects of loneliness. They might also help you with peripheral concerns, such as low self esteem, that might make it difficult to reach out to others and build up a network of friends.
7. Keep in touch. Although you don’t want to rely entirely upon your family and friends from your old home, you still need the support of your loved ones. Take a few minutes each week to check in with a quick call or text.
   • Skype and Facetime are excellent ways to stay in touch with friends and family. Set up a monthly date with your loved ones. Although you might not be able to see and speak to them in person, video chats are the next best thing.

Tips

• Stay positive.
• Practice striking up conversations with strangers you encounter. You can practice in the check-out line at the grocery store, or as you browse homemade soap at your local farmer’s market.
• Make use of travel guides written for your new town or city, as they usually contain information about cultural activities, festivals, sights to see, and places to avoid.
• If you have children, make playdates and acquaint yourself with the parents of your children’s new friends--both for the sake of your child’s safety, and for the sake of integrating yourself into your new home.
• Save an ICE (In Case of Emergency) telephone number on your mobile telephone.

Warnings

• Avoid going back to your old home every weekend, or whenever possible. Although this might cure you of loneliness for a moment, it will likely result in you feeling even more alienated from your new place, and will make you miss your old home.
• Don’t wait for people to come to you. They might feel just as shy or unsure as you feel. Take initiative!
• Get to know your neighborhood. Ask questions about your new home and the surrounding area. Don’t venture to unknown places alone and vulnerable and put yourself at risk.
• If possible, carry a map of your new town and keep your cell phone handy in case of emergencies. The map can help if you get turned around and have no service.

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• Deal With Loneliness
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• Host a Moving Sale
• Cope With Moving Schools

Sources and Citations

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