Fake Confidence

Many people want to surround themselves with people who have self confidence. But what if you're not one of those people? What's more, even if you do have that confidence sometimes, other times you just don't feel it in you. That's totally natural – most people, at one point or another, struggle with this issue. To convince everyone that you're secure, confident, and feeling good about life, start with Step 1 below.

Steps

Using Body Language

  1. Stand up straight. Pull your shoulder blades down and back as far as possible to force your torso up and your neck back. This gives you a posture that says, "Look out world!" When you slump over, you give off the impression the world has defeated you and you'd just much rather be in bed.
    • Practice getting out of a chair without rocking forward, especially if you work at a desk from 9-5. In the beginning, having good posture will be a little hard – if you're not used to it, you probably haven't developed the core strength. But with practice makes habit and eventually it'll be automatic.
  2. Pick your chin up and look straight ahead of you. When you’re not feeling confident, you tend to think downward about everything – and look downward, too. To project that you ‘’are’’ feeling confident, pick your head up and look out. This gives off the impression that you feel worthy to judge the world and aren’t stuck in your own head.
    • Try looking down for a while. How do you feel? Then try looking up and surveying your surroundings. Does your inner feeling change a bit? Sometimes our minds take cues from our bodies – when you look down, you naturally feel a little more subdued and sad. When you look up, your mood gets better and you feel more confident (in addition to looking it, too).
  3. Smile. When you get in your head, you tend to adopt a stupidly sad look on your face. To act is if you’re ready for the world, smile. It shows others you’re approachable and happy to see them. Others will be more likely to receive you kindly as well, creating a cycle of positivity.
    • You want to give others a genuine smile. Not one of those fake, easily detectable ones you plaster on your face when someone whips out a camera when you’re just not feeling it. To get around this, practice. Stand in front of your mirror with your head down. Smile and ‘’then’’ lift your head up. Whether you like that smile or not, that’s your natural smile. Not some modified version that’s more camera friendly.
  4. Make good eye contact. Nothing says "I fear your appraisal" more than someone who is unwilling to look you in the eye. Some people even find it insulting, as if you’re not paying attention to them. To show the people you’re talking to that you ‘’are’’ listening and that you are an active, valuable part of the conversation, make eye contact with them. Take breaks away when gestures are in the spotlight or when you’re thinking as necessary, but then always return to looking at them in the eye.
    • To practice this (it can be quite difficult), master the art of the staring contest with strangers. While smiling and blinking, of course. Try to keep looking at them until they look away first. When’s the last time you looked at someone and were not the first one to look away?
  5. Keep your body relaxed. A person who’s nervous and not feeling confident will be fidgety and tense. A person who’s confident and ready for the next challenge will be relaxed, loose, and calm. Go through your body, starting with your head, and relax each part. Think about which parts of your body are the most tense – lots of people hold tension in their backs, butt, and shoulders.
    • If you ever find yourself with your legs crossed, hands clasped together, and shoulders raised – or even standing, pacing, and chewing on your fingernails – make a conscious effort to loosen up. You may find that a loose body position loosens your anxiety, too.
  6. Take up a power pose. Research has shown that those who take up power poses – that is, spreading out and making themselves “bigger” – report feeling more confident.[1] To give your mind that confidence boost, put your hands on your hips, widen your stance, and show the world who’s who.
    • Imagine talking to your boss and you have your feet up on the desk while his hands are tucked between his legs. Pretty easy to tell who’s feeling confident! So spread out, whether it's in a chair in your office with your boss, standing at a bar with your friends, or giving a speech to your classmates.
    • Do this even before your event. A couple minutes in the bathroom before making a presentation (whether it's a speech or just introducing yourself to a stranger) can be enough to get you in the power-zone when you need it.
  7. Walk at a brisk pace. The slower the walk of a person, the more internal dialogue they’re going through, as a rule of thumb. And the faster the walk, the more confident the person is likely feeling. What’s more, you become more upright and erect you with a brisker walk – and that’s two birds with one stone.[2]
    • A brisk pace means you have a reason for movement, you're dedicated and motivated to get something done. A slower pace means you're not feeling ambitious and have less reason to move. The former sure sounds more confident!

Speaking Confidently

  1. Lower your voice. When you’re not confident and a bit nervous, your voice tends to stay in its higher register. It’s not always easy to detect, too, when it’s happening. So consciously keep your voice a bit lower, whether you notice it or not. If you know you feel uncomfortable, keep a look out for how your voice changes.
    • Lower the pitch of your voice, in addition to the volume if that’s an issue for you. In other words, speak up! This will tell others that you view your voice as worthy of being heard. And then they’ll be more likely to follow suit, thinking the same.
  2. Speak more slowly. Much like how our voices raise when we’re nervous, they tend to speed up, too. So the next time you’re in front of class giving a presentation, slow down. Slow way down. Slow down to the point where you think you’re going too slow – odds are then you’re doing it just right.
    • An unconfident person wants the moment to pass as quickly as possible and get over it – hence why they speed up in the first place. To fake confidence, slow down, giving off the impression that you're comfortable basking in the spotlight.
  3. Use "I" statements. Confident people are more likely to be assertive and use "I" statements.[3] Instead of "You make me angry," which is quite passive, a confident person might say, "I am angry with you," which is much more direct and cutting. To feign confidence, talk about yourself. No one else is going to!
    • It's nice to ask questions about those around you, definitely. Everyone appreciates a good listener. But you've got to be an active part of the conversation, too, by speaking. If something comes up that you can relate to, talk about your experiences with it. The person you're talking to just saw your favorite movie? Instead of, "Oh, what a great movie!" you might say, "I love that movie! It's my favorite. I just saw it for the umpteenth time last...."
  4. Speak positively and avoid gossip. We all know that person who is constantly being negative, nagging, and spreading gossip about their group of friends and enemies. It’s pretty easy to guess that that person doesn’t like themselves, so don’t be that person! In order to appear confident, you’ve gotta convince the world that you’re feeling good. And people who feel good show it through their positive actions and words.
    • Try to put a positive spin on things whenever possible. Instead of, "Oh, I hate Thai food," you could say, "I prefer Italian," when discussing potential dinner plans. Instead of, "Her shoes are so ugly," you'd say, "She made an interesting fashion choice, didn't she?"
  5. Don’t ramble. Have you ever been sitting with a new acquaintance or two and just started talking to get rid of that awkward feeling in your stomach? That’s a pretty key sign that you’re feeling nervous and not feeling too confident. Instead, embrace the silence. And that feeling? Ignore it. You might be the only one feeling it anyway.
    • Listen more than you talk. If you hog the spotlight, instead of people thinking you’re the big cheese, you’ll probably just come off as irritating and needy. Instead, relax. Take a step back. A person who’s confident doesn’t need the spotlight or the attention all the time. Let others take the heat once in a while.

Developing Positive Habits

  1. Don’t let yourself overthink it. Let’s say you’re at a bar and you see a cute guy or girl over in the corner. For about the first three seconds, you’re envisioning talking to them and getting their number. Then, doubt sets in and you’re overcome with fear. That’s when you’ve got to stop the overthinking. After those first three seconds, drop it. Just go. Go and do. Don’t let yourself get caught in your head.
    • Any thinking beyond that initial three seconds is just going to cause more worry. And worry is going to do you absolutely zero good. Shut that voice up in your head and go for it before it tells you not to. It has no idea what it's talking about!
  2. Keep in mind that everyone is too concerned with themselves to notice. As we grow older, we start thinking that the world is constantly pointing a finger at us, ready to point out our faults at any given time. In reality, the rest of the world is too concerned with themselves to really pay us any attention and fears the exact same thing. The only person thinking about how you come off is you.
    • Technically, to feel unconfident, you’ve gotta be pretty vain. Everyone is looking at you and laughing at you? Thinking about what you’re saying or doing? Sure... Maybe in your world, but definitely no one else’s. This isn't sad, it's freeing. It's only your opinion that matters.
  3. Laugh. Laughing will fill your brain (and thus your entire self) with genuine happiness. It releases tension, improves your mood, and makes it easier to smile that genuine smile. All of this makes faking confidence ten times easier, which makes it ten times more convincing.
    • Appearing confident can be hard, but appearing happy-go-lucky and positive is a little easier. So when someone cracks a joke, laugh. Keep a smile in your back pocket for when you need it. People like happy people, and happy is associated with confidence.
  4. Dress and groom yourself well. Recall your last bad hair day. You probably felt pretty self-conscious, huh? How about the last time you dressed up to the nines and went out on the town? Probably pretty good. Sometimes are brains take a cue from the outside to decide how we feel on the inside. If you need a shot of confidence, put on an outfit you know you look good in and clean yourself up. Looking good makes it much, much easier to feel good.
    • What's more, people tend to assume things about people who are dressed well and look good. They assume they're more educated, smarter, have more money, and are generally more likeable. It's the human condition to judge a book by its cover. Take advantage of that by sprucing yourself up.
  5. Be enthusiastic. Many people easily mistake enthusiasm for confidence. If you can’t muster confidence, this is a good bet to make. Your favorite song comes on the radio? Tell everyone how much you love it. Someone suggests going to a movie you’ve been wanting to see? Say how much you’ve been looking forward to it. Your energy will be contagious, uplifting, and make everyone feel like you’re full of positivity and confidence.
    • Make sure your body matches your words, though. Imagine someone saying, "I can't wait to see that movie!" in a monotone voice while they're looking down with their hands hidden in their pockets and their eyes diverted to the side. You probably won't be convinced. Now imagine a person whose eyes light up, their hands shoot up, and their voice booms, "I can't wait to see that movie!" Much more convincing.
  6. Tell yourself you can do it. The human mind is sometimes a disconcertingly powerful thing. In fact, studies have shown that the power of expectation can even put cancer into remission. This is known as the placebo effect. In the original studies, patients thought they were taking a medication, but they really weren't, and they ‘’still’’ got better. [4] If you tell yourself you can, it’s possible you will. And if you tell yourself you can’t, it’s probable that you won’t.
    • Much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Don't feel like you have a reason to be confident and you won't be. Think you won't do well and you'll probably do poorly. The right attitude can truly change everything. And the only thing that determines your attitude? You.



Tips

  • There's a saying: "Fake it until you make it." You will probably find that after you have faked your confidence that you are starting to be confident.
  • Don't overthink what it takes to be confident, just do what comes naturally.

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://lifehacker.com/5987141/faking-powerful-body-language-reduces-stress-and-makes-you-more-confident
  2. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2012/05/08/what-your-walk-says-about-you_n_1497198.html
  3. ↑ http://www.traceyjarvis.com.au/uploads/1/7/9/4/1794764/assertiveness_-_a_clear_and_confident_form_of_communication._tracey_jarvis_clinical_psychologist_infodoc..pdf
  4. ↑ http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-empathic-misanthrope/201109/fake-it-til-you-make-it

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