Get Over the Past
The past can be haunting. When you wallow in feelings of guilt and regret, you are keeping up a discord between the way things are and the way that you wish things were. If you want to get over the past, you'll need to learn to acknowledge it and let it go. You must move on with your life and let happiness bloom anew.
Contents
Steps
Facing the Past
- Face your feelings. Ruminating on the past can bring up a whole host of negative emotions, and it's important to name the things that you feel. Find ways to get in touch with your emotional angst. Try writing about your feelings or quietly meditating on the past. Consider speaking with a trusted friend or counselor.
- Perhaps you feel guilty about something that you did, or you regret something that you didn't do. You wish that you had acted differently, and you cannot stop blaming yourself.
- Perhaps you feel sad about something that happened beyond your control. You feel melancholy, wistful, powerless.
- Identify the source. If you're having trouble getting over the past, there's a good chance that you are fixating on something that happened. Decide whether you need to get over a tragic event, an unhealthy relationship, a negative habit, or a more complex pattern. Try to understand what is making you feel the way that you feel. You may remember this thing clearly, but it might also be murky and tangled in your head. Clarify the past for yourself.
- Own the past. This is your history, and there is no escaping it. Do not try to cover up the past, and do not try to run away from it. What has happened has happened, and you cannot change it. Granted, this is easier said than done. However, it is only once you face the past that you can truly grapple with it and overcome it.
- Consider the freedom that comes with this reality. If you cannot change the past, is there any sense in worrying about it? Can you turn your attention to the present and the future?
Moving Forward
- Take action. Look for a solution, or for a way to take control of your circumstances. You may find that you feel trapped by the permanence of the past. If you take action in some way, you might empower yourself to move forward. Escape the chains of the past, and find your purpose in motion. Dive back in, and do not be afraid.
- You cannot fix everything. Irreversible things happen, and you can only act upon the new reality that exists in the wake of the event. Think about how you might ease the suffering of others, or make amends, or keep what happened once from happening again.
- Learn from what happened. Once you acknowledge and accept the past, you can begin to take valuable lessons from it. Study the past, and use it to guide you into the future. Be careful not to internalize bad habits and anxieties – only practical lessons. You may not be able to undo what happened, but you might be able to keep it from happening again.
- Look toward the future. Evaluate your goals, and throw yourself into something new. Change the static energy of grief into the kinetic energy of action. Give something new the space it needs to bloom.
- If you are trying to get over a relationship, consider whether you are ready for another relationship. If you lost a friend. think about ways to connect more deeply with other friends. If you regret something that you did or didn't do: look for a situation that gives you the opportunity to make the choice you wish you'd made.
- You won't really get over the past until you stop thinking about it so much. Throwing your energy into something new can be a great way to stop thinking about the past. Change your focus. Reengage with your life.
Letting Go
- Try to live in the present. Indeed, you are always in the present, but it can be easy to let your mind wander back into the past. Learn to consciously choose where you place your attention. Notice when you are fixating on the past, and force yourself to turn your gaze to what is around you in this moment. Check yourself.
- Consider whether ruminating on the past is useful for you. When you replay the past, your mind only has a finite number of memories to relive. Your thoughts run in loops, and it is easy to wallow in your emotions – but you have a choice in the matter!
- Forgive yourself. If you are beating yourself up about something that you did or didn't do: remind yourself that you did what you could. You were acting on the information that you had at the time, and you made your choice as the result of a specific set of circumstances. You might make a different choice now – but that was the choice that you made then. You are human, and it's okay to make mistakes.
- Change the way that you talk about the past. Whenever this thing from the past comes up in conversation, try not to complain or wistfully reminisce about it. The way that you frame something dictates the way that you interact with it. Instead of talking about the negative, unchangeable aspects of the situation, try to talk about what you've learned. Share the bright side, and see how that shapes your perspective.
Tips
- Find something that you enjoy doing. Stick to it. Focusing on something you enjoy will help keep your mind off your regrets.
- Remember that nobody is perfect. Don't hate yourself for what happened. Life is short, and you shouldn't waste it on the past when you have so much future ahead of you.
- Spend time with your relatives, friends, and loved ones. Let love heal you.
- Keep yourself busy.
- Every time a negative thought comes into your head think something positive about that event until eventually the positive outweighs the negative and you begin to accept that experience instead of pushing it away all the time.
Warnings
- Ruminating on the past can become tied into depression, anxiety, and various physical health conditions. It can make your life feel out of control, and it can stop you from moving on.
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