Get Through a Miscarriage
50% of women between the ages of 18-25 will experience at least 1 miscarriage in their lifetime. Anyone who hasn't experienced a miscarriage can easily appear insensitive and/or use lines like "It wasn't meant to be." Somewhere in our subconscious, we know that moving on is the best thing to do after a miscarriage, but no one ever really mentions HOW to go about doing so. Here are some steps to help out in getting through a miscarriage.
Contents
Steps
- Forgive yourself. Having a miscarriage is often a chromosomal problem & usually has nothing to do with any neglect on the mother's part. Either way, some women have a way of blaming themselves for the miscarriage & rather or not they have valid reason to, the first thing to do FOR yourself is to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself if you've been told (by a doctor) that your actions or negligence has caused the miscarriage and/or if this is not the case, forgive yourself for even thinking so.
- Try your hardest to find out why the miscarriage occurred. The best way to find these answers are through the doctors that have alerted you of the miscarriage and/or treated you for the miscarriage. A lot of doctors will inform you that even if they had caught the problem, there was probably nothing they could do. But sometimes, if there is a specific cause (example: tilted uterus, cysts on ovaries, smoking, too much stress, etc.) it's best to know these causes because it'll give you some breathing room to know & understand why the pregnancy didn't work out and/Or any treatment that could prevent further miscarriages. If your doctor cannot identify why the miscarriage occurred or IS occurring, consider this a good thing, thus the chances of the miscarriage happening from specific health conditions or actions from the mother (smoking, drinking, smoking, not eating healthy, etc.) was highly unlikely. There is always a chance that your doctor can fix or treat any specific problem that might have/be causing your body to reject the pregnancy.
- Stop stressing! Not only will your body literally be experiencing some physical changes and/or discomfort, but your mental state will also be off balance too. If you've had a D&C procedure after the miscarriage, understand that the best thing you can do for yourself at this point is to rest. Don't focus too much on the physical pain. If granted permission by your doctor, take whatever over-the-counter or prescription medications to help ease the physical discomfort. Remember that your hormones were already imbalanced & raging all over the place from being pregnant in the first place, so understand that even after a miscarriage, those same hormones may not go back to normal right away. It's normal to experience even more severe moodiness and/or irritability. If you understand the changes & the fixing that's being done inside of your body, it will make things go smoother for you, emotionally as well as physically.
- Identify why you're so upset about having the miscarriage in the first place. Did you desperately want to have a baby? Have you had previous miscarriages before & prayed that this pregnancy would not end in the same result? Are you over the age of 35 & afraid that your time for having a successful pregnancy is running out? Did you want to have the baby for the wrong reason(s)? What future consequences or strife will come from having the miscarriage? Are you just freaked out that the pregnancy wasn't successful (whether the pregnancy was planned or not)? Either way, it's important that you are HONEST with yourself about what's bothering you the MOST in losing the pregnancy. Remember, you can't solve/fix the puzzle if you don't have all the pieces.
- Know that everything happens for a reason. Everyone will tell you this & most of the time we are told this during the times that we absolutely do NOT want to hear this. But have you ever wondered why people use this phrase so often when they hear of miscarriages? It's because this phrase is literally true. Miscarriages aren't always life-ruining for women; sometimes miscarriages are eye-openers for women: her chance to start over & to protect herself, specifically if the pregnancy was unplanned & unwanted in the first place; her chance to evaluate if she was in a relationship or situation with the right presumed child's father anyway; her chance to learn about medical conditions or problems that she wouldn't have been aware of had she not had the miscarriage; her ability to learn about herself & see her plans of her own future through tough & vulnerable times; etc.
- Talk to other women who have experienced miscarriages. Sometimes others in your life won't understand where all of your grief & stressing over the loss is coming from. Miscarriage affects every woman differently & usually tends to have the longest & most traumatic affects on the women who were previously depressed or not happy with their lives way before the pregnancy was known of. It's easy to shut off & to feel even more hurt after seeing how others can sometimes use the phrase, "get over it" too loosely. Talking to other women who've experienced miscarriages will, if anything make you understand & see that you are not alone. You'd be surprised at how many other women have experienced the same grief you are experiencing & how similar their stories of the pain and/or moving on are quite similar to your own story. As with anything, it's always best to interact and/or connect with others who have been through the same ordeal you've been through. Even those who've gone through this before are very helpful in providing further tips on how to cope, forgive yourself & move on.
- Think gain instead of loss. As with anything in life, if you keep reminding yourself that you've encountered great loss, eventually these thoughts will start to consume you & take over/control your emotions. There is no such a thing as too much grief in any loss, but understand that in order for others to support you the way you deserve, they must first be able to come to you with open arms to help you. And this means being rational & calm enough to express your emotions & make it possible for others to try to intervene & help you. There is always a gain from any loss, even with miscarriages. Make a list of all the things you will/can gain from having the miscarriage. After all, you might gain knowledge of any problems/medical conditions you wouldn't have known about had the miscarriage not occurred; you can gain the ability to release some old emotions that were suppressed in other situations, that willingly decided to come out during the miscarriage, thus adding to healing from more than just the miscarriage; you can gain clarity on your current relationship/friendship with the presumed father of the child (after all, every man will show his true colors for the best or for the worst when he finds out that the pregnancy test came out positive); and best of all, you might have gained a better appreciation for life, including for your own.
- Get some rest. Be patient with your body after the miscarriage, as your body is preparing to heal from the damage/rejection of the pregnancy, thus eventually going back to normal. Hang around positive friends (specifically the friends who've shared your experience), keep up with your normal routines & take up an extra hobby to keep your mind off of things. You don't have to exercise your body too death, but at least keep your physical self in top shape, as this will be very important & essential for the next time you become pregnant. Go on a road trip with friends or by yourself. Meditate. Spend hours listening to your favorite music. Do some research on how to get yourself back in top shape like before. There are a million things you can do to physically persuade your hormones to go back to normal. Instead of surrendering to your emotions, take the control back.
Tips
- Follow the orders of your doctor. If your doctor tells you not to engage in something (sex, for example), by all means LISTEN. If you do not listen to the medical advice from your doctor(s) then you could be slowing down the physical healing process your body needs in order to be completely back to normal for when you get pregnant the next time.
- Research the common causes of miscarriages & statistics about miscarriage. One of the quickest solutions for healing is knowing that you are NOT alone & that what you are going through is more common than you thought.
- Talk to other women who have experienced miscarriages. The best feeling in the world is to know that you are not alone & that not everyone is as misunderstanding or insensitive as you thought.
- Get plenty of rest. Your body might be in pain or discomfort, but the longer it takes to get your body back into shape, the longer you will feel the physical pain, thus the longer you will feel the emotional pain.
- Take the proper prescribed or over-the-counter medications to help ease any physical pain going on in your body. Don't sit around & sulk, feeling sorry for yourself. Healing takes twice as long if your mind won't cooperate with what your body truly wants to do.
Warnings
- Do not talk about the miscarriages to others who are being insensitive or misunderstanding. If you feel yourself starting to blame yourself or become more negative while talking to someone about the miscarriage, that's a sign that the conversation needs to end & that you're better off talking about your feelings to someone else. Understand that everybody's experience with miscarriage will not be the same. Some women go through extreme bouts of depression after a miscarriage, while others simply suppress their emotions & move on as if nothing happened. If you seek the right support, your emotions & physical body will seek the right healing.
- Do not have sex until the emotional & physical wounds have healed. Your partner/friend should understand that even though it may not seem like it, your body needs ample enough time to heal from the miscarriage. The worst thing you can do to your body is get pregnant before the physical fixing from your last pregnancy completely heals.
- DO NOT smoke or over-exercise your body. Sure, exercising is good for the body on any occasion, but don't over-do things. Don't over-eat. Don't over talk about your feelings (this is a way to trap your emotions, thus you literally keeping yourself from moving on emotionally), don't try to suppress any feelings & don't ignore any signs from your body that something is wrong or is not right.
