Move on in Life

The past is a memory that has happened already. Although it can sometimes be difficult to move on, such as after a painful event, you're wasting your life when you spend too much time living in the past.

Steps

Identifying the cause

1. Think back. Reflect on what is holding you back in life. Are you afraid to have a new relationship because you had a bad experience in the past? Are you stuck thinking about something bad you did before and don't know how to move forward? Do you miss your childhood and having fewer responsibilities? Do you miss having great times with old friends?
   • Figuring out the cause of what is holding you back is an important first step toward moving on.
2. Search your feelings. As you are reflecting back on what might be holding you back, pay attention to how your memories make you feel. If something makes you feel a particularly strong emotion (whether good or bad) it may be the culprit.
   • If you find yourself, for example, feeling very happy and nostalgic when you think about your teenage years, ask yourself some questions which can help you assess whether your thinking of the past is healthy or potentially harmful and holding you back in life.
   • For example, you could ask yourself whether you find yourself talking a lot about your teenage years rather than talking about other parts of your life or the future.
   • You could also ask yourself whether your memories about your teenage years is limiting you in any way. For example, ask yourself whether your nostalgia is leading you away from trying new things.
3. Write down the cause. As soon as you pinpoint what does hold you back, write it down. This will serve as a reminder for you as you work to move on.
   • Do it if, for example, the cause of what is holding you back is that you witnessed a very traumatic event, such as a physical assault, and you are afraid something similar will happen to you.
   • You could write, for example, that you are afraid of being hurt, or that you are concerned about being out of control in a given situation.
   • Noting on paper the cause of what is not letting you move on can also facilitate you the process when it is time to confront your feelings.
4. Be patient. Although spending time thinking about the cause is by definition an incursion in the past, keep in mind that you do it ultimately in a way to move on.
   • Try to remind yourself of your ultimate goal as you reflect on your past.
   • Take a break from your situation with some restful distractions if you start to feel overwhelmed.

Changing the Way You Think

1. Combat the thoughts holding you back. You can try to move on in life by thinking differently about what is holding you back. For example, if you witnessed an assault and you are scared this will happen to you, try asking yourself some questions to avoid this having a detrimental impact on your life.
   • For example, you could ask yourself how rare assaults are in your city or country, where you can browse the internet in search of an answer. This will help you to realize that your probability of being assaulted yourself is very low.
   • You could also, for example, ask yourself how many times you have been out without having witnessed an assault. This will help you to reinforce just how rare this harmful event was, which will help you to move on in life by changing your negative appraisals of the situation.
2. Don't needlessly victimize yourself. While it is fine to acknowledge the underlying reality of a situation, know, for example, that you have control over your thoughts and behavior if you were traumatized by someone. That is why it makes sense not to focus so much on what was done to you, but instead to enlist on what you can do about it and about moving on.
   • Don't go too far in the other direction and think that what happened to you is your fault. Think instead about what you can do to feel better,regardless of who is to blame for the incident, and move on.
3. Be mindful. There's only going to be one day like the one you are living today. Each day is precious, and time flies. You never know when you will pass away, so live each day to the fullest. Although these may sound like cliches, there is also much truth to them, hence why they are so common! There are a number of ways to be more mindful. You can try those, for example :
   • Savor experiences by doing your best to focus on the simple sensations that they provide. Pay extra attention to tastes, smells, and the way everything looks and feels.
   • Breathe deeply in and out and pay close attention to how your breath feels and sounds.
   • Look at the world from a new perspective by imagining that you aren't familiar to what you do; imagine instead that you are seeing your environment for the first time without your knowledge about it.
4. Avoid becoming discouraged. Moving on can be very difficult. Sometimes you may find that you have less control over your mind as it wanders to the past or future when you want it to be in the present moment.
   • Try to avoid becoming discouraged by cutting yourself some slack when you find yourself ruminating or not moving on.
   • Keep in mind that moving on is an ongoing process, so you are not failing, as long as there is an overall trend toward it. Don't get upset by single instances of mistakes; instead, look at overall trends in your progress.
5. Confront your fears. If you experienced something traumatic and you are having trouble moving on, consider facing your fears directly to help you get over them.
   • For example, if you experienced a bad car accident and you cannot forget it and won't drive anymore, try gradually exposing yourself to cars and driving again.
   • You could, for example, sit in a parked car for two minutes. After that you could drive around your neighborhood at night or whenever there is most likely to be little to no traffic.

Getting Professional Help

1. Find a psychologist. You may benefit from seeing a psychologist who can help you to work through your problem of not being able to move on in life.
   • To find a psychologist, use can this website: http://locator.apa.org/
2. Ask your family doctor. You could suffer from depression, of which rumination is a symptom. If this is the case, it may be worth asking your doctor about the possibility of trying out an anti-depressant medication.
   • Signs that you may be suffering from depression include, for example, feelings of hopelessness, listlessness, loss of interest in activities or the future, slowed thinking, restlessness, anxiety, or a lack of energy.
   • You could also be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, a form of anxiety that can occur after experiencing or witnessing a troubling event.
3. Make a list of your symptoms. If you decide to seek a medical or mental health professional, get the most out of your visit by writing down the kinds of symptoms you have been experiencing and under what circumstances.
   • Don't be afraid to go into detail. It is better to provide too much information than too little.
4. Create a list of questions. Be sure to come prepared to your appointment by writing down some questions you can refer to during your doctor appointment. You might ask about, for example:
   • Medications you might be able to take.
   • The pros and cons of different medications.
   • Alternatives there are to taking medications, such as lifestyle changes (e.g., exercise, healthy eating).
   • What the side-effects of the recommended medications are.
   • The possible underlying cause of your depression or a post-traumatic disorder.

Tips

• There is a time for everything. What is happening to you now doesn't last forever.

Warnings

• Being stuck in the past or too concerned about the future can be a sign of depression.

Sources and Citations

See also

• Stop Procrastinating at Work
• Overcome Your Weaknesses
• Stay on Track
• Become Pope
• Go for Your Dreams
• Be Successful
• Stay Focused
• Avoid Repeating the Old Same Mistakes All over Again
• Improve Your Life
• Make Your Dreams Come True

Read more ...

What links here

• Be Cocky
• Celebrate Being an Empty Nester
• Handle Unreliable Friends
• Get Through a Miscarriage
• Start Fresh
• Not Give up on What You've Already Started