Get to Know Your Boyfriend Better

Whether you’re 13 or 31, getting to know your boyfriend is a magical, rewarding, and uncertain experience. Even after you think you know all about him, occasions will arise that make you realize you don’t, and you’ll want to learn more. How do you get to know your beau? By asking, of course! It can be a little difficult to get him to open up, but most guys love to talk about themselves, so asking him about his life is a great way to keep conversations going and avoid uncomfortable silences.

Steps

  1. Start slowly. The early part of a relationship is a time to build trust and learn more about each other, and what you discover in this period will help you figure out whether he’s the guy of your dreams or a nightmare you’d like to wake up from as soon as possible. Problem is, your new boyfriend is probably a little uncomfortable around you at first, and you may still be a little uncomfortable around him, too. Break the ice by sticking to easy subjects: school, the weather, sports, etc.
  2. Ask questions in a logical progression.Once you get your boyfriend talking about comfortable subjects, learn more by asking him questions that logically follow from his answers. For example, if you’ve asked him what his favorite baseball team is and he answers “the Yankees,” ask him who his favorite player is, if he’s ever been to a professional baseball game, or if he’s ever been to New York. If, however, you immediately switch to asking him about his math class, he’ll not only be a little confused by the sudden change, he also might think you don’t really care about his answers.
  3. Follow up on his answers by sharing information about yourself. Your boyfriend should want to get to know you as much as you want to get to know him. Instead of bombarding him with a constant flow of questions, take time to respond to the things he says. Make sure you’re actually responding to what he says, however, and not just changing the subject. A good conversation only happens if both people are listening to each other and building upon what was previously said.
  4. Be a good listener. You won’t be able to build upon his answers to your questions if you’re too busy thinking about the next question you’re going to ask or the crazy experience you just can’t wait to tell him about. If you show genuine interest in his answers, he’ll feel more excited about answering your questions. After asking him the question, let him completely answer it; don't cut him off or throw in another question.
  5. Avoid questions with "yes or no" answers. A lot of guys aren’t naturally very chatty and will often give you the shortest possible answer to a question. Ask open-ended questions that require at least a few words to answer. Lawyers and debaters like to pin their opponents into answering only "yes" or "no", but you’re (usually) trying to get to know your boyfriend, not cross-examine him.
  6. Respect his privacy. Don’t rush into anything too touchy. You can ask whatever comes to mind, but if he doesn't want to talk about it, give him some time. Maybe he'll tell you on his own at a later time in your conversation or on another day. Don't pressure him, but be as open with him as possible. If you want to know something, don't be shy.
  7. Wait for the right time to ask questions. In general, you can ask "small talk" questions any time you’re together (although he probably won’t appreciate it if you interrupt him when he’s involved in a conversation with his friends). More difficult questions, however, require good timing. If you want to ask him about an old girlfriend, an uncomfortable experience with his family, how he "really" feels about you, or anything else that might be potentially explosive or hurtful, it’s best to wait until you’re alone and he’s not in a hurry or upset.
  8. Appreciate silence once in a while. Talking is important, but you don’t have to talk all the time. Not all silences are uncomfortable; some can be enjoyable.

Tips

  • Remember, he’s your boyfriend. There’s no reason to be shy.
  • Avoid saying,"I don't know." Even if you have to think a little while before answering him.
  • Make sure that you’re comfortable talking about something before asking your boyfriend to open up to you about it. It’s not fair for you to refuse to answer an uncomfortable question that he just answered, especially if he is trying to make an effort.
  • Simple things, like sitting and talking - nothing special - often do wonders. Like a trip to the skating rink, skating and talking; or a walk in the park.
  • There may be a good reason why he doesn't want to open up to you. Something terrible could have affected him as a child, and he may think that it's his fault, or he could be embarrassed or it may remind him of his past failed relationship. He may also think that you will judge him, especially if that's all anyone has ever shown him. Let him know that you will love him regardless, and you're there to help and to listen. Of course if it’s early in your relationship, you probably can’t honestly say that, so just give him time.
  • Ask about things that are important to you. (But remember not to rush, or he may feel uncomfortable.) Especially if your boyfriend is the silent type, you may only be able to ask a few questions before he’s completely worn out. Make them count. If after a few months you know everything about a guy’s car and maybe his past relationships, but nothing about his dreams and future plans, you’ll probably feel unsatisfied.
  • If your boyfriend won't talk, try to make the questions fun. Tell him your going to ask random questions and ask whatever you want. Make a game out it — Truth or Dare, anyone? — if you feel comfortable doing so. If not, don't just wait for him to talk, that will put pressure on him.
  • If u feel the need to say "I don't know", DON'T SAY IT! Instead say something like "I'll get back to you on that" or "I'll tell you about that later, not right now"
  • Express your feelings to him, and tell him about your day. If you tell him more about your life, he will feel like he can trust you too!

Warnings

  • Tread gently with questions that are so profound that they might cause your boyfriend extreme discomfort or sadness.
  • Don’t always "play it his way." Relationships are about give and take, and you’ve both got to give a little. You shouldn’t get in his face with questions and be pushy if he doesn’t want to talk, but if he never wants to talk, or if he won’t talk about something important when you really need to, he’s probably not worth your time.
  • Don't ask him too personal questions right away.

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