Goof off at Work
People are lazy. It’s in our nature. We may like to think we’re not, but we all are. Oh sure, some of us are lazier than others, but most of us would rather do nothing than something. Do you ever wonder what your boss does all day? More than likely, it's absolutely nothing. Well, the difference between you and your boss is that your boss has perfected the art of goofing off at work. Read on for some great tips on how to goof around at work!
Steps
- Don't ever answer the phone. If you do, you run the risk of being given something to do by someone else. Let it go to voicemail where that nasty work belongs. You can always call the person back later. Much later. The wait alone will allow you two more hours of laziness.
- Be smart about it, when you finally decide to call them back. Call during lunch when you know they’re probably out. You will probably get their voicemail and get to leave them a “Tag! You’re it!” message.
- Remember, people are lazy (assuming you agree with the opening statement). So even if the person sits in the same office as you, they may choose to leave you a voicemail instead of walking by your desk. You got to love them for it. For those individuals, their laziness deserves special treatment in return. After that two hour window and the return call during their lunch break, they will call you back again, and of course you won’t answer (never, ever, ever answer your phone).
- Remember that about two hours after they returned your voicemail, you will eventually have to return their call, probably about 3:00 in the afternoon by now. Since they are in the same office as you, walk by their desk to see if they are there. Do it from a distance. Whatever you do, don’t let them spot you or the jig is up. Do this every few minutes until you catch them away from their desk. Then run back to your desk as quickly as possible and make a very brief return call to their voicemail. Better be quick about it because they may simply be picking up a print job from the printer or using the bathroom.
- Note the following: When they get back to their desk, they’ll check their voicemail, call you back, get your voicemail (obviously, because you never, ever, ever answer your phone), which buys you two more hours all the way up to 5:00.
- Look at the time. Oops! You better wait and call them in the morning. Maybe you could call them from home around 7:00 when you know they’ve left for the day and make it seem like you’re still at the office.
- Understand that the phone tag process could take days. It will go on and on until this person decides to get off his lazy butt to come see you in person. And who knows? By then, the problem they wanted you to look into may have resolved itself.
- Be involved in an E-Group. You can really tell if a person just goofs around if you see his/her post/reply one after the other. To him, every post deserves a reply. If you want to kill time, join an e-group.
- Out of sight, out of mind. Another option is to 'make your boss accustomed to not seeing you around'. This takes time, you have to take increasingly longer breaks in the morning and afternoon. Always have an excuse for your absence (a list of plausible excuses should be worked out ahead of time; went to HR, went to Accounting, etc...). And when you do see your boss pester and annoy him/her with questions and status updates. This works best if you live close to work so you can go home and take naps.
Warnings
- Doing this too often could get you fired from your job!
- When walking by the person's desk to check if they're gone, don't get caught. The person may be too lazy to come track you down, but if they see you in their area, they will use this opportunity to speak to you.
