Be Lazy Around the House
Sometimes, a chore simply cannot be avoided. We know you want to get away with a prolonged spell of extreme apathy, so you need to make any job you are lumbered with as easy as possible.
Contents
Steps
- Keep a stool by the kitchen sink, sit back, and gently, with little effort wash the dishes while sitting down. For extreme laziness, use a stool or Make Chair Sliders out of Tennis Balls that has rollers on the bottoms, so you can glide easily from the table to the sink, without even getting up or moving anything but your arms.
- Remember, the chair is your friend. There are a few Wriggle Out of Boring Chores that can't be managed on your backside, for everything else hoover from the comfort of your office recliner,
- Clean as much of the bathroom as possible from the comfort of your toilet.
- When someone cooks you a meal, does your washing up, or just brings you a cup of tea, shower them with praise. The more they can see how happy these things make you, the more likely it is they will gladly do it again. You could say: "No one makes lasagna quite like you, it fills my heart full of wonder, and my taste buds feel like they are dancing on the wings of an angel."The essential rule with laziness is that flattery will get you everywhere!
- Create the aura of a hard worker If a job that takes a few minutes really has to be done, make it last a few hours. Spend most of this time doing nothing, but create plenty of mess. Come up with a set of fictional complications that have made it a much harder job than expected.
- You should ask to be left to it because you want to “get in the zone” in order to do a good job. When their backs are turned, simply kick back, and relax.
- Laziness is an art form, and to do it well can take a surprising amount of planning, albeit at a very slow pace. Organize the jobs you are putting off into a hierarchy. If you need to both tidy your room, and complete a vital work assignment, always opt for the tidying first (even if you do just hide the mess). The satisfaction of completing an entire task will put your lazy mind at rest. The lesson here is to always leave the lengthiest jobs till last!
- There is nothing worse than a do-gooder that makes you look worse than you already are. Very subtly, try to sabotage their jobs. Drop a few crumbs after they have vacuumed. Sneak in a red sock when they help with someone else washing, and slyly dirty up their dishes the moment they have cleaned them. However, it is vital to never be caught on a sabotage mission.
- Convince your housemates that a lazy house is a harmonious house. Gather in the living room, settle down with a film keeping snacks and drinks to hand.
- Surround yourself with all household remotes, keep a lengthy stick at hand for reaching distant light switches and so on.
- Chill out, put your feet up, and enjoy your bone-idleness.
Tips
- Don't bother folding underwear. Just pile or stuff it in the drawer.
- It takes a lot of hard work to be lazy. But once you get the technique right, laziness is your friend.
- If possible, pay someone to clean and tell everyone else you did it. This could also be a good cover story for all the time you've spent being lazy.
- Minimalism is king, If you make your room look empty you can vacuum and dust in minutes.
- Buy one cordless phone per person, then you can just transfer the call to whoever needs it.Disposable Plates save washing up, and microwave meals save time and even more washing up.
- You can get ovens that respond to a text message. Mini-Fridges can fit next to the sofa, and a simple cloth can hide what it is.
- VOD from Virgin or Skyanytime, means you don't have to hire videos and return them.
- Let the cleanser do the work. If you are using any sort of soap or spray cleaner, apply it, then give it time to dissolve the gunk.
- Remote control plug sockets and light switches are now available.Universal remotes can control the whole house.
- When housemates are about to arrive home, spray Mr Sheen or similar like air freshener... they won't be able to find what you dusted, but will be sure that you did dust something. Try to make it look like you have been busy, Sitting watching TV with the Vacuum cleaner and dusters still out make it look like you have been doing it but you have just taken a break. Its better to spend a few days making your house ready for lazy people than to have to do things for a lifetime.
Warnings
- This will affect you for the rest of your life. You will never amount to anything. Use with caution.
