Graciously Accept an Unattractive Gift from the in Laws

If your in-laws are famous for giving hideous or even inappropriate gifts you may need to learn and actively practice the art of graciously accepting a gift even though it makes you want to run in horror. Remember, these people are going to be in your life forever, so finding a way to deliver a truly thankful reaction that doesn’t appear staid or fake will help your relationship not only with your in-laws but with your spouse as well.

Steps

  1. Be thankful that they want to give you a gift. More than likely this gift was given to you out of love or at least consideration for your role in their child's life. Keep that in mind and tell yourself that no matter how crazy or strange it is, there was good thought and caring intention behind it.
    • Pay attention to the gesture and not the item. Your in-laws took the time to hand select a gift especially for you. While it may not have been your choice, try to focus on the gesture instead of the “thing.”
  2. Be ready for anything. Remember that a gift is a token of another person’s affection or appreciation for you. Everyone has different tastes and interests and not everyone can be the Martha Stewart of gift giving. If you're prepared to be the recipient of a bright orange-striped jumpsuit or a pair of green fuzzy dice, you hopefully won’t deliver a look of disgust or disappointment.
    • If the gift is handmade, no matter how bad it is in your eyes, cherish it. They have gone to the trouble of not only giving you an item but also their time and skill has been lavished on it too. This means a great deal, so definitely respond to the gesture of kindness and dedication to you behind it rather than the gift itself.
  3. React based on your in-laws' reaction. Do they look giddy with delight and anticipation about giving you the gift, as if they're bursting with pride? Be sure you match their reaction with yours by appearing as thrilled and happy when they deliver the gift. Bursting their bubble right now is just mean-spirited.
  4. Visualize that they’ve given you something you truly need or want. A good way to hide a surprised reaction is to mentally block out the unattractive item and pretend they have delivered the gift you’ve always wanted. Try not to overdo your reaction or else it may come off looking staged or fake. However, simply thinking of the gift of your dreams may instantly bring a warm smile to your face and kind, thankful words toward your in-laws.
    • Comment on a positive aspect of the gift. Even if you have received a tire-iron for a gift, quickly pick out one characteristic and give it a positive spin. For example, a tire iron may be extremely useful in the event you get a flat. While you may have hoped for a pretty bracelet or that jacket you’ve had your eye on, find usefulness and/or beauty in their offering.
    • Discuss ways you can use the gift. Even if the gift is a hideous vase, point out an ideal place where you can put it on display or to be more not keen on permanent display, suggest it will be just perfect for a flower that is only in blossom for a short season during the year. Your in-laws want to know that their gift is not only loved but can be used and appreciated.
    • Consider that the gift may be something that others may treasure. Perhaps you aren’t into designer purses, but many of your friends carry them. If your in-laws picked up on the notion that your pals love them, they may have thought the same purse would have made for the perfect gift. Maybe your pals would have been overwhelmed with joy even though the purse is not your style. You might be able to eventually quietly pass such a gift on to them, but in the meantime, act rapt.
  5. Gently inquire after the meaning behind the gift. If it appears that they put a lot of thought in effort into choosing the hideous impedimenta, do them a favor and ask about its origins. Inquire about what led them to choosing the gift and, especially if they’ve given you an exotic gift, ask about the meaning behind it. In some cases an ugly statue, for example may have a wonderfully beautiful story behind it, helping you understand why the in-laws selected it for you, such as being a fertility symbol or a sign of ever-lasting friendship. That may be enough information to change your mind about its lack of attractiveness!
  6. Always say thank you––and mean it. Be sincere with your thank you. After making comments about how you love the item, give them a hug (if you feel comfortable). Otherwise, a warm smile and a comment like, “Thank you so much, I love it,” should be sufficient.
    • Don’t linger too long on the gift. After a few brief, pleasant comments and telling your in-laws thank you, move on to the next gift or activity of the day. If you linger too long on the gift, your thank you may sound overdone and perhaps not as sincere.
    • Write a thank you note. Even if you have an extremely close relationship and opened the gift in front of the in-laws, a brief, heartfelt thank you card can score you big points. Focus the note on the gesture and your appreciation.
  7. Consider where you'll display the item if it needs to be displayed. There are diplomatic places to place an unwanted display item. If you have a guest room, this is an excellent choice, especially since you won't be in there much but if they stay with you, they'll get to see it there. A study, den, man cave or other area where a break in your own preferred decorating theme won't have such a big impact can also be a good choice, as can a shelf that's high up or even over a door. Try not to get into the situation of having to whip out the object every time that they come over to visit; eventually you'll stuff up!

Tips

  • Don’t read too much into the gift and get upset because it’s not what you wanted or would normally enjoy. Gift giving is about the gesture and intent, not the item.
  • Don’t try to re-gift the item––you never know how many degrees of separation you have between you. The next thing you know their unique gift could be on display at one of their friends’ homes and you will be regarded as ungrateful. One exception to this may be when they've bought you designer gear that looks much of a much less and it's better suited to a discreet friend.

Warnings

  • If you do not have a good relationship with your in-laws and you believe the inappropriate or unattractive gift was given to you "on purpose", simply smile and say thank you––that's it. Drop the subject and try to move on. Don't give them the satisfaction of going any further. In fact, by showing no reaction or comprehension (aka "acting thick") that the gift is a dig, you undermine any future opportunities for such "pointed" gift-giving.
  • Never allow yourself to become hostile or act visibly disappointed when receiving an ugly gift from your in-laws. A reaction like this will only be hurtful and may cause friction between you and your spouse. Acting like this more than once will cause them to be disappointed in you, which is worse than anyone being disappointed in a gift.

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