Handle People Who Believe Mental Illness Is Made Up

People with mental illness are exposed to all sorts of Deal With the Stigma of Mental Illness. One of the worst, perhaps, is the misconception shared by others that their conditions are “in their heads.” If you have friends or family who make such comments, you may not know how to react. Handle these people appropriately by first managing your reaction. Then, decide if you want to help educate them on mental illnesses, or simply get distance for yourself.

Steps

Reacting to Insensitive Comments

1. Pause and take a deep breath. Exercise your mental fortitude and resist immediately jumping down the person’s throat. Briefly pause and pull yourself together so that you can decide on an appropriate course of action.
   • Notice the sensation to become angry or react harshly. Close your eyes and take a few deep, cleansing breaths. Silently, count up to ten and back down again.
2. Ignore the remark. If you don’t feel like sticking your neck out to educate someone who is misguided about mental illness, that’s totally your choice. Never feel like you have to become the universal advocate for mental illness. Coping with your symptoms can be challenging enough--don't feel responsible for correcting others’ ignorance.
   • For instance, if someone makes an unintelligent remark about mental illness in a crowded place, you may not feel like it’s the appropriate context to correct them.
3. Practice self-compassion. It can be hard to have someone say mental illness is made up, especially if you suffer from a mental health condition. Take time to acknowledge the feelings this brings up. Offer yourself compassion by stroking your arms or shoulders or just giving yourself a break to relax.
   • At the same time, it may also help to extend compassion to the other person. Although their comments are ignorant and misleading, they were probably made out of fear. People try to mitigate their own concerns about these frightening conditions by explaining them away as being “made up.” Instead of responding with hatred, try to send this person love and light.
4. Ask them to elaborate. If you would like to dig deeper into the person’s understanding, you might ask that they explain themselves. To prevent them getting on the offensive, do so casually. Refrain from using the word “why,” which can get their hackles up.
   • For example, you might ask, “What makes you say that?” or “Where’d you hear that?” to encourage them to elaborate.
5. Be patient if the person thinks everyone is "like that." Some people don't believe in a mental illness because they read the description and realize it describes them, and they think everyone else is the same way. Sometimes this means that the person actually has this mental illness but doesn't know it.
   • Avoid saying outright "you probably have anxiety too" or "you should see a doctor about whether you're bipolar." This can seem insulting, even if you mean well.
   • Say something like "A lot of people I know don't relate to descriptions of depression. So even though I'm this way, most people I meet aren't." This states facts, while letting them come to their own conclusions about what this means for them.

Offering Information about Mental Illness

1. Use an analogy. Oftentimes, people make comments without realizing how they come off to others. This person’s insensitive remark could be rectified by causing them to view the situation differently. Present an analogy to help them understand how mental illness is virtually the same as physical illness-you just can’t see it.
   • For instance, you might say, “That’s an interesting perspective, Andy. Would you say cancer was made up?” or “If someone had a broken ankle, would you tell them their pain was all in their head?”
2. Stick with the scientific facts. Most laymen don’t have a thorough understanding of brain science. Mental illnesses are often chemical, biological, and genetic conditions. They can’t simply be turned off. Offer a fundamental explanation of mental illness to shed some light for the person.
   • You may say, “Mental illnesses are very complex, so I can see how you might get them confused. But, most mental illnesses have a biological or genetic basis just like any other disease. There might be an imbalance of brain chemicals or certain genes that make a person susceptible to mood swings.”
3. Refer them to a reputable source. Knowledge is often central to overcoming ignorance and stigmatization. If the person is open to correcting their misinformation, you might recommend they visit certain websites to learn more.
   • Suggest that they brush up their knowledge about mental health conditions by browsing reputable sources like the U.S. National Library of Medicine or the National Institute of Mental Health.
4. Suggest a better response than the one they used. Certainly a person who describes mental illness as "made up" is ignorant about what life is like for people living with these conditions. If you overhear them making ignorant remarks, offer a more supportive, compassionate strategy.
   • For example, you might tell them a better way to help someone is by asking “Is there anything I can do to help?” rather than admonishing the person for being ill (or, implying that they are making it up).

Setting Boundaries with Unsupportive People

1. Set the terms of your interactions with them. If your loved ones are proponents of the “mental illness is made up” camp, it can compromise your own treatment and recovery. Set boundaries with these people and clearly state what you won’t accept.
   • For instance, you might say, “Mom, telling me to just think about something else isn’t helping with my OCD. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t say that.”
2. Request that they support you. Sometimes, your loved ones may simply need to be given direct instructions on how to help. People often make insensitive comments because they are struggling to come up with some way, any way, to help you feel better. Tell the people around you what you need, and you may dissolve their tendency to make ignorant remarks.
   • Say, “I could really use some space right now.” Or, “It would be great if you would join me for my next doctor’s appointment. Then, you can ask the doctor any questions to get a better understanding.”
3. Terminate the relationship, if you can. If your loved ones are adamant in their misconceptions about mental illness, you may need to cut ties for your own well-being. Hearing insensitive comments may start to cause you to doubt your own sanity. Plus, if you are around people who think mental illness is all in your head, you may be less inclined to seek out professional treatment.
   • Step away from unsupportive friends and family, if possible. If you can’t completely remove certain people from your life, refuse to discuss your illness with them. Hopefully, they will get the message that their advice is unwelcome.
4. Find the support you need. Social support is an integral aspect of mental illness treatment and/or Recover from Mental Illness. Being isolated or feeling lonely often worsens mental health symptoms. If those around you aren’t willing to support you, you must be willing to locate others who will.
   • If you aren’t already, try going to a counselor or therapist to help with your symptoms and to get coping strategies for stigmatization.
   • It may also help to join a mental health support group relevant to your condition. Here you can find support with people who understand what you’re going through.

Sources and Citations

See also

• Overcome Learned Helplessness
• Work when You Have PTSD
• Get Someone Committed to a Mental Hospital
• Live With a Neurotic
• Spot a Sociopath
• Write a Mental Health Treatment Plan
• Diagnose and Treat Borderline Personality Disorder
• Recognize Delusional Disorders
• Act Toward Someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder
• Cope with Trichotillomania

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