Handle an Office Relationship

Workplace relationships can be tricky, both for the employer and employees involved. However, they are also inevitable, as people who spend a minimum of 40 hours a week together are highly likely to find someone with shared interests. When dealing with an office romance, it's important for all parties involved to remain professional and discreet.

Steps

Dealing with an Office Relationship as an Employee

  1. Know the rules regarding workplace romance. It's always better if you are aware of the regulations and rules by which you have to work, Inform yourself and your partner about what policies the firm has in place regarding conducting a romantic relationship in the workplace.
    • Once you know what the rules are, you can do your best to avoid breaking them. You should also know what kind of trouble you can get into if you do break the rules.
    • Consult the company handbook on office conduct and read the company's harassment policy for more information.
  2. Only date people at the same level as yourself. It's a good idea to only date fellow employees who are at the same level as you. When you date someone who is your superior or your subordinate things can get messy.
    • Dating a superior or a subordinate can get messy, as people will be more inclined to gossip about the circumstances surrounding the relationship. For example, if you are dating a subordinate, people might think you are taking advantage of your position of authority and manipulating the other person. This also leaves you open to a harassment suit if the relationship goes sour.
    • If you are dating a superior, people might think that you just trying to get favors like a promotion or a raise.
  3. Keep your routine intact. The best way to handle your relationship is to cast a protective shell around your new relationship to the extent that nobody is aware of it till the time you yourself decide to share it with others.
    • Keep your work hours the same and do not purposely avoid people whom you used to hang out with. Also take your lunches as you always used to do.
    • People notice small changes and if you do anything out of the ordinary, the gossipy office types won’t spare you.
  4. Keep your relationship private for as long as possible. You might be tempted to share details of your relationship with your close friends at work, but it’s probably wiser to not give in to this urge. The less people know, the better.
    • If you are conducting a relationship with another employee and things are getting serious, you want your boss to hear it directly from you, not through office gossip.
    • It’s acceptable to tell friends as long as they are not going to talk about it, however, you should preferably share it with those friends who do not have any connections with your workplace.
  5. Don’t document your relationship. Company emails are not private, so you should not document anything about your relationship via email.
    • Most companies have servers that can easily extract all your emails and they can track emails sent between employees. More than enough evidence will be available against you if you end up on a bitter note in your relationship.
    • If it’s really tempting for you to write something sweet, try using post it notes to convey your message but it’s highly recommended to restrict yourself to cell phone texts to let go of all risks of it getting revealed.
  6. Avoid attending social gatherings together. Staying cautious in the workplace can be relatively easy because you are busy most of the time. However, if there are any official gatherings like a hangout at local bar or office Christmas Party, there is an increased risk of you and your romantic interest being found. Don’t take any risks, as office gossip tends to spread like wildfire.
    • Such purposeful avoidance will pay you off in long run. If it’s not possible to skip these events entirely, try to make your appearances at different time slots so that there is less to be noticed.
  7. Don’t allow your relationship to impact your work. You can send text messages using your cell phone if necessary, but aside from that nothing pertaining to your relationship should become a source of distraction or affect your performance at work.
    • You are risking your professional future if you shirk your work duties for the sake of a relationship.
    • Stay busy while at work and spare no time to risk exposure. If you don’t stay busy, you ll be thinking more about your partner or you may go out of your way to plan interactive opportunities.
  8. Tell your boss when the time is right. If the relationship becomes serious and you're tired of feeling like you're sneaking around all the time, then it's a good idea to set up a meeting with your boss and tell them about it face to face.
    • As long as the relationship is not a direct breach of the company's harassment or workplace relationship policy, and you are both remaining professional about it, there's no reason for your boss to object.
    • Your boss should appreciate your honesty and will probably be much more accepting of the relationship if he hears it directly from you, rather than hearing it secondhand.

Dealing with an Office Relationship as an Employer

  1. Coach your management. This pertains to providing training and awareness to supervisors and managers to discreetly address any office relationships. They should be advised to monitor office relationships without infringing on any employee’s privacy.
    • The managers should be instructed to amicably and comfortably coach employees who get into a relationship with each other. If necessary, they should talk to the employees any negative impact their relationship has had on the office environment, on productivity, or on team morale.
    • They should also be instructed to keep their ears open for gossip and any potentially career damaging behaviors in case the relationship breaks up. Where a breakup ends up becoming a sexual harassment claim, they are advised to immediately take action in consultation with HR.
  2. Broadcast your harassment policy. The company should have a well defined policy to handle any sexual harassment claims. The policy should detail how a sexual harassment claim should be handled.
    • The policy should serve the purpose of educating employees about the behaviors that fall under harassment and emphasize the fact that the company has a zero tolerance policy regarding harassment.
  3. Develop or review your workplace romance policy. If the company finds it suitable, it may be a good idea to establish a separate workplace relationship policy. However, sometimes this is covered under the company's harassment policy.
    • The workplace relationship policy may state that all staff members are expected to behave in a professional manner and all personal interactions and relationships must be kept outside of the workplace.
    • Furthermore, consequences of the relationship turning bitter must be clearly spelled out within this policy.
  4. Handling any issues according to the company policy. Once you have a concrete policy that is being periodically reviewed, you should be prepared to handle an issue if it comes your way.
  5. Watch out for inappropriate behaviors. There has to be a level of professionalism and decorum maintained throughout the office, relationship or no relationship. So when two employees are together you need to watch them closely for any inappropriate behaviors.
    • Things like hand holding, talking intimately, rubbing shoulders, spending unnecessary time with each other, etc. are inappropriate in the workplace and should be nipped in the bud. If it is allowed to continue, these behaviors can irritate other employees and create slackness in discipline that can affect the productivity of the workplace.
    • However, if the two employees do behave appropriately and the relationship does not seem to be affecting their productivity or the other employees morale in anyway, there is no reason that the relationship should not be allowed to continue.
  6. Acknowledge employee complaints. Office relationships can sometimes affect other employees in a negative way, and when this happens they are liable to put forward their concern in the form of a complaint.
    • Addressing any employee complaints regarding an office relationship becomes more important if the office relationship is negatively affecting general work environment and productivity.
    • Secondly, if upon a breakup, either individual comes up to you for filing a claim of harassment, this also has to be acknowledged. When a complaint arrives, you have to consider employee records before making any decisions.
  7. Keep the issue as private as possible. Every employer understands that such a sensitive issue should not be disclosed publicly, but should be dealt with in private.
    • If you attempt to discuss the issue in front of other staff members, this may cause a lot of embarrassment to the employees involved in the relationship and could even be interpreted as a violation of their privacy.
  8. Take appropriate action.This includes all steps you would consider taking to keep the employees performance and behavior intact. All this is undertaken in light of the impact on the overall organization. Many times organizations take strict action so that others learn from it.
    • Appropriate action taken by the employer will depend on the specific situation. Sometimes only slight changes may be necessary, like transferring employees to new roles or new location. However sometimes more drastic action is necessary, such as firing an employee on harassment grounds.
    • Other associated actions include conducting policy refresher sessions across the organization to ensure that the work environment stays pleasant and that these types of situations are avoided in future.

Considering the Positives and Negatives

  1. Understand the negative aspects of an office romance. Keep in mind that no matter how well the relationship starts off, the workplace romance itself can be a recipe for disaster.
    • Since you are in constant interaction with your partner, you may encounter friction within the relationship because you may need your alone time to pursue your interests like hanging out with friends. Your time alone may become a subject of discussion.
    • You may be distracted while at work and you will be unable to perform your professional responsibilities as outstandingly as possible. You should also be sure to avoid accusation of favoritism or conflict of interest.
    • You may also feel jealous if you are keeping your relationship a secret while others may flirt with your partner. You should deal with these matters as a mature individual.
  2. Be aware of the possible consequences of an office relationship. Before you indulge in a relationship carefully consider whom should you be involved with, what could be the possible consequences of being in a relationship or ultimately breaking up.
    • The situation may become awkward if you are in a relationship with a colleague and the break up occurs at the time when career advancement planning is at its peak.
    • If you are involved with a subordinate, false accusations of favoritism or harassment may arise after the break up.
    • If the breakup negatively affects workplace relations or ends in a harassment claim, it may result in you getting fired.
  3. Consider the positives of a workplace romance. On the other hand, office relationships can be a positive thing. If you've found someone whose company you enjoy and who shares the same interests as you, then that's something to be celebrated, not something to feel guilty about.
    • When you're in a job that requires spending a lot of time in the office, it limits the opportunities to meet someone outside of work. Dating someone in your work takes pressure off trying to meet someone and ensures that the other person understands your schedule and the demands of your work.
    • The second advantage is that you spend many hours together which gives you a much better idea of what the other person is actually like, before things get too serious. This can save you from a lot of stress and heartbreak down the line.
    • Furthermore, if you carpool to work with the person you're dating, you can save on gas expenses!



References

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