Have a Better Life

Life can change for the better. That is a nice thought. It is also true, if you put in the work. Although you may not see positive changes every day or every time you try to change, over time and on average, putting in work to make positive changes in your life will pay off.

Steps

Defining a Better Life for Yourself

  1. Determine your values. Think about what it is that you want. What do you value? What are the ways that you want to improve to have a better life? Maybe you want to make more money or you want to be a better parent or extract more meaning from your job; whatever the case, think about it deeply and listen to your gut feelings.[1][2]
    • Try describing your ideal self and life on a piece of paper. You can make different columns, such as one for relationships, one for finances, one for your ideal mindset (i.e., the way you want think or what you want your general attitude to be).[3]
  2. Be willing to adapt. Sometimes no matter how much you may want something, it is unobtainable. If you define your values in such a way that you are willing to adapt or make compromises, you will probably be happier and ultimately have a better life in the long run, since you won't often feel so let down.[3]
    • That said, don't give into life's circumstances too easily. Improving your life for the better will likely not be an easy task.
  3. Analyze your responses to look for patterns. After you have made your list of values, look for patterns that might give you hints about areas you should focus on improving.[4]
    • For example, perhaps you mentioned that you wanted both more meaning and money from your work, and you didn't have much on your list about relationship improvement.
  4. Take actionable steps to change. If you found that, for example, improving your work life is important to you, you could then take steps to improve that aspect of your life.
    • For example, you might decide to start taking night classes to become a lawyer or a physiotherapist.
  5. Set realistic goals. An unrealistic goal would be something like you becoming the best lawyer in the world and making five million dollars a year your first year out of law school. Avoid doing that, and instead, set goals that are specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART).[5]
    • Specific goals are concrete. Rather than saying, "I'll become a lawyer one day," which is not specific, you might say "I'll become a lawyer in 4 years," which is specific.
    • A measurable goal is a goal where you can track your progress over time. You might measure your progress in law school by counting the number of classes you need to take to graduate, and check off each class that you complete.
    • An attainable goal is a realistic goal. It isn't about being the best lawyer in the world. Something more attainable would be: finish law school and get a job that pays the average salary for a lawyer or slightly higher.
    • A relevant goal is something that is consistent with the values you have determined will lead to a better life. If you placed a high value on finding meaning (e.g., via helping people with the law) and increasing your income, then becoming a lawyer is a relevant goal.
    • A time-bound goal is a goal with a deadline. It can also include deadlines for sub goals, such as a specific date to take the LSAT (a test required to get into law school).
  6. Continue to check in on your values. Be sure to ask yourself from time to time about the value you place on each aspect of your life. You may find that your values change over time as you have additional life experiences.
    • Keep in mind that it is OK to change directions. It doesn't mean that you are a failure to divert your energy to other aspects of your life, it just means that you have changed your priorities and values.

Actively Seeking a Better Life

  1. Live right now. Although it is certainly important to in some sense live for the future (by doing things like planning, saving, etc.) it is also very important for your well-being to enjoy life in the moment. [6]
    • During your day, pause a few moments. Take 5 deep breaths in and out and notice all your sensations. Try not to judge your sensations but rather just experience them freely.
  2. Try new activities. Hobbies help us grow and re-charge our batteries; they stimulate our minds and our bodies and they allow for creativity. All of these things can help us to feel like we are living a good life.[7]
  3. Increase your income. Studies show that money does buy happiness, but only up to about $75,000, and then the relationship between money and happiness (i.e., a better life) becomes much weaker.[8]
    • That said, depending on how you define "a better life," income may continue to be associated with greater life satisfaction the more money people make, even above $75,000. It is important to think about your particular circumstances and definition of a better life and to decide how important money is to you.[8]
  4. Remember to laugh. Children laugh way more than adults do; they are free and happy and their lives are great and care-free.[2] Being an adult doesn’t have to mean that life is serious and dull. Try your best to laugh and joke around each day to keep things light and fun.
    • If you don’t feel like generating humor yourself, try watching some stand-up comedy or a funny TV show.
  5. Remove negative people from your life. If someone you know is constantly dragging you down or making you feel bad about yourself, stop associating with this person. Although you may feel guilty at first, over time without his negative influence in your life, you will likely feel better.[2]
    • If it is a friend, let him get the hint by responding to his messages less and less and with longer and longer delays or just stop all contact immediately.
    • If it is a family member or someone you live with, try to avoid this person by being out of the house when he is around, or by staying in your room when he is out in the living room.

Improving Physical and Mental Health

  1. Exercise. Regular exercise can have minor antidepressant effects; exercise can also relieve stress, key ingredients to having a better life. Exercise has these benefits in part because it releases endorphins, one of the brain's "feel good" hormones.[9]
    • When you exercise, put on some tunes that motivate you to workout harder. That said, be sure to listen to your body and don’t overdo it!
  2. Eat healthy foods. When you eat unhealthy it can make you feel negative. Therefore, it is important to eat healthy foods if you want to improve your life.[10]
    • Eat things like lean meats, nuts, fruits, and vegetables for the best effect and remember to have a balanced diet (i.e., all things in moderation).[10]
  3. Get the right amount of sleep. A lack of sleep can contribute to lower well-being by causing feelings of fatigue, sadness, and anxiety.[10][11]
    • If you are having trouble falling asleep, try making your room darker. Also try getting rid of sources of noise and/or wear earplugs. Do your best to stick to a sleep routine every night. Take note of how many hours of sleep you need per night to feel rested upon waking; try to get that many hours each night.[12]
  4. Avoid having too much caffeine. Caffeine can make you feel anxious, which can contribute to feelings of stress and anxiety. If your definition of a better life means less stress and anxiety, try cutting back on caffeine.[10]
    • Keep in mind the trade-offs. If you notice that you are more productive on a certain amount of caffeine and value your productivity more than some feelings of anxiousness, then perhaps cutting back on caffeine isn’t the best option for you. Experiment with different amounts and get a sense of how doing so changes how happy you feel about your life.
  5. Try psychotherapy. Counseling or psychotherapy can help people not only deal with problems, but also to thrive and have better lives.[13]
  6. Get out of your comfort zone. Quit just doing your same old habits and routines. Instead, seek out a zone of "optimal anxiety." Studies have shown that having some anxiety/arousal actually facilitates brain functioning and performance on a variety of tasks.[14]
    • Ways to get out of your comfort zone include trying a new hobby, making new friends, or setting slightly tougher to achieve goals for yourself than normal.
    • Keep in mind your values and your personality here though. If your definition of a better life involves primarily having time to yourself to self-reflect and you find yourself to be quite introverted, then perhaps getting out of your comfort zone isn't as important for you.
    • That said, you may not know until you give it a try!
  7. Volunteer. Give some of your time to help others out and you may find that both your physical and mental well-being increases. There are a number of ways you could volunteer your time. You could, fore example:[15]
    • Volunteer in a food kitchen for the homeless.
    • Call up any cause you care about and ask them if you can volunteer your time to help.
    • Get in touch with your local library and ask if they need tutors in an area in which you are skilled.
    • Get in touch with your local political representative and ask about helping with campaign work for causes you care about.

Improving Your Relationships

  1. Keep your flaws in mind before judging others. If you're a human being, chances are you have had a bad day and been in a bad mood, lost your temper, needed alone time, told a lie, and been selfish. Try to keep in mind that people don't always live up to their ideals. So, just as you might cut yourself some slack when you make a mistake, try cutting those you know some slack, too.[16]
    • Instead of making harsh judgments based on single instances of behavior, instead look for patterns that may better reflect the kind of person the individual is.
  2. Commit random acts of kindness for those you know. Ever receive a thank you card from someone? For some reason it feels way better than if the person merely thanked you in person. This suggests that when others go to extra effort, these efforts are appreciated and make the recipient feel grateful and happy.
    • When you treat a friend well, she will be more likely to return the favor. This will help the relationship thrive and help you to have a better life.[17]
  3. Communicate more clearly. Communication is difficult as it entails you translating your feelings and thoughts into a format that you think the listener will understand exactly as intended. But how can you be sure your words were taken as meant?
    • One way to increase your changes is to take more time before you speak, so as to communicate more effectively. If your thoughts aren’t worked out yet, sort them out in your head before you say them out loud.[18]
  4. Be a better listener. Concentrate and focus on the person who is speaking. Value her words even if you disagree with her perspective or opinion.[18]
    • Do your best to remove distractions from your mind. You can do this in part by watching the speaker's mouth. Studies show that visual information from the lips facilitates language processing.[19]
  5. Take the perspective of the speaker. Do your best to consider her perspective. Put yourself in her shoes before you evaluate her. Does it seem like she is being short with you? Why might that be? Rather than assuming that she is a mean or bad person, consider that perhaps she had a tough day at work, or other people were rude to her before.[20]
  6. Give to strangers. Studies show that spending money on others makes us happier, even more so than spending money on ourselves.[21] This is the idea of "paying it forward" – doing kind acts for others who (in theory) go out and do kind acts for others still.
    • Examples of random acts of kindness include paying for the people behind you in line at the movies, buying a warm meal or blanket for a homeless person, or cleaning your parents’ house.

Tips

  • Try doing one thing new each week.
  • Plan periods of physical activity into each day, as exercise and a healthy body are the cornerstone of a satisfied mind.
  • Continue exploring new things such as surfing, skydiving, whatever you're into. Exploring new ventures gives you more confidence!
  • Make a list or take and print photos with all your memories so that you can smile and remember good times when you see it.

Warnings

  • Even if it is a family member, no matter what the case is -- anyone who hurts you emotionally will constantly drag you down and never allow you to grow.
  • Avoid people who say you "can't" or insult you.
  • Also avoid the "wrong crowd" they will pressure you to do things you don’t want to do and you will regret it.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200704/gut-almighty
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 http://psychcentral.com/lib/15-tips-to-boost-your-well-being-and-happiness/
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 http://psychcentral.com/lib/discovering-your-authentic-self/
  4. ↑ http://www.wire.wisc.edu/yourself/selfreflectknowyourself/Yourpersonalvalues.aspx
  5. ↑ https://www.webucator.com/tutorial/goal-setting-time-management/creating-strategy-achieve-smart-goals.cfm
  6. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/therapists-spill-10-things-you-can-do-today-to-improve-your-life/
  7. ↑ http://blogs.psychcentral.com/thrive/2014/05/the-value-of-hobbies/
  8. ↑ 8.0 8.1 http://blogs.wsj.com/wealth/2010/09/07/the-perfect-salary-for-happiness-75000-a-year/
  9. ↑ https://www.cmha.bc.ca/get-informed/mental-health-information/improving-mh
  10. ↑ 10.0 10.1 10.2 10.3 https://www.cmha.bc.ca/get-informed/mental-health-information/improving-mh
  11. ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18505314
  12. ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/sleep/art-20048379
  13. ↑ http://www.apa.org/about/policy/resolution-psychotherapy.aspx
  14. ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2657838/
  15. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/raising-happiness/201002/what-we-get-when-we-give
  16. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-the-questions/201410/10-reasons-stop-judging-people
  17. ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/images/uploads/Trivers-EvolutionReciprocalAltruism.pdf
  18. ↑ 18.0 18.1 http://psychcentral.com/lib/benefits-of-effective-communication/
  19. ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4091305/
  20. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/real-men-dont-write-blogs/201406/why-we-dont-give-each-other-break
  21. ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/images/application_uploads/norton-spendingmoney.pdf

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