Help Your Overweight Girlfriend or Boyfriend Be Healthy

More than one third of American adults are overweight or obese.[1] The World Health Organization recognized over 1.8 billion obese or overweight people in 2008.[2] If your significant other is overweight, it can be a stress on your relationship. While you cannot make your partner work out, you can encourage them to lose weight and be healthy.

Steps

Encouraging Healthy Living

  1. Talk about daily routines. There can be many reasons for a person to be overweight, from inactivity to health concerns. Before you assume that your partner is just inactive, talk to him about his daily routine.[3] Ask a question as a way to get a conversation started. Be sure to listen and respond rather than asking a series of questions because this may come across as interrogating. Ask things like:
    • ”How many hours of sleep do you get a night? Do you feel tired when you wake up?”
    • ”Do you get up and walk around during the day?"
    • ”How active would you say you are? Do you work out? If so, what sort of activity do you do?”
  2. Encourage keeping a food log. It is easy to underestimate how many calories we actually eat each day.[4] Encourage your partner to keep a food log to report what she is actually eating per day. This can be a personal wake up call and/or quantitative reasoning for weight gain. You can encourage your partner to do this by showing her your own food log and telling her that even athletes keep food logs.
    • There are many free applications available to help you keep a food log. Some even allow you to scan barcodes of food that will automatically enter information for you.
  3. Check out the pantry. Pay attention to the types of foods your partner brings home and try to provide some healthy options. Check out what sorts of foods he has in his pantry and refrigerator. It can be difficult to resist tempting junk food, no matter how good the intention.[5] Look for:
    • Cookies/Biscuits.
    • Chips.
    • Sweets.
    • Alcohol.
    • Soft drinks.
  4. Model positive changes. It might be easier for your partner to follow a program or make healthier choices if he sees you doing the same.[6] Be consistent in your own health routine and diet. Try and model healthy behavior by:
    • Preparing healthy foods (and perhaps sharing recipes with your partner).
    • Eating a healthy diet.
    • Keeping an exercise routine.
    • Sharing personal goals/worries with your partner.
  5. Encourage your partner. Above all, your are in a partnership. You need to be encouraging to the needs and goals of your partner. Try to:
    • Be a cheerleader, not a taskmaster. You should encourage your partner to be healthy and happy. Telling what they have to do or should do can breed resentment and unhappiness.[7]
    • Develop incentives. Reward your partner if they stick with a program or change bad habits into good. Do not focus on food, as this might backfire, but consider a nice date or a small present.
    • Care about them as a person, not a number. Remind them why you are with them and why you love them.

Talking with Your Partner

  1. Start a conversation. You will want to avoid being too direct or hurtful to your partner. Avoid saying things like: “You know, you’re really fat” or “You really shouldn’t eat that.” Instead, start a general conversation about health.[6] This will be a good way to broach the topic without being too hurtful. Try to say things like:
    • ”Did you hear about the study about weight gain and heart disease?”
    • ”Wow, this article about this new workout looks really fun.”
    • ”Wouldn’t it be neat to go to that dance class? I hear it is really good cardio.”
  2. Get him/her to talk to you. Once you have planted a seed in your partner’s mind, she might start to open up to you about her own fears and goals.[8] Be an active listener to her worries or complaints; it is not easy to identify shameful or hurtful things. Encourage your partner to talk to you by responding kindly. Try saying things like:
    • ”I hear you say that you are struggling with your weight. Do you want to talk about it?”
    • ”I agree, having the motivation to work out can be difficult. Do you want to hear what gets me going in the morning?”
  3. Provide empathy. It can sometimes be difficult or daunting to an overweight person to hear a fit person talk about being healthy. Provide empathy to your partner by providing what you have struggled with.
    • ”It took me two years to lose 70lbs. It was so difficult and I wanted to give up all the time.”
    • ”All I wanted to do last night was go home and eat a big bowl of chocolate ice cream. But, I realized that would just make me feel worse.”
    • ”Losing weight is so hard. I kept getting so discouraged by the number on the scale.”
  4. Listen, but do not judge. It is difficult to talk about faults and it can be hurtful to talk to someone you love only to be judged harshly. If your partner is talking to you about a problem, be kind and do not judge. They are reaching out to you because they respect your opinion. Avoid saying things like:
    • ”Yeah, I noticed you were getting chubby.”
    • ”I can’t believe you live like this!”
    • ”Wow, you can eat that?”
  5. Avoid nagging and harsh comments. This breeds resentment and your relationship to suffer. Instead, focus on being supportive. Avoid pointing out when your partner fails or struggles. Be encouraging!

Motivating Your Partner

  1. Be active, together. Studies have shown that working out with a friend or partner is more beneficial than working out alone.[9] To encourage healthy habits, work out with your partner.[10] Do activities together that you both enjoy. You can even make these activities into part of a date. Try some of these fun, physical date activities:
    • Walks in the park.
    • Walks on the beach.
    • Rollerskating.
    • Ice skating.
    • Skiing/snowboarding.
    • Swimming.
    • Horseback riding.
    • Various sports (American football, soccer, hockey, frisbee, golf, tennis etc.).
  2. Cook together. Another way you can make healthy-living into a date night is to cook together. Pick out healthy recipes together and cook them. Try incorporating healthy foods like:
    • Healthy proteins including beans, chicken, turkey, and fish.
    • Healthy carbohydrates including beans, sweet potatoes, and chickpeas.
    • Heart healthy foods such as almonds, avocadoes, and yogurts.
    • Fresh ingredients such as vegetables and fruits.
  3. Learn together. Being healthy is a marathon, not a sprint. There is so much knowledge out there about the human body and about fitness. Take this opportunity to learn about your body and to learn with your partner. Read fitness blogs, magazines, and books. Talk about health-related issues such as doctor’s recommendations, exercises, and personal records/goals.

Tips

  • Stop-Expecting-Too-Much-from-People, Respect-Your-Partner, focusing on the benefits of losing weight, and keeping things positive are all necessary for encouraging a partner to make a lifestyle change.[11]

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.cdc.gov/obesity/data/adult.html
  2. ↑ http://www.who.int/features/factfiles/obesity/facts/en/index1.html
  3. ↑ http://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/losing_weight/eating_habits.html
  4. ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1454084
  5. ↑ http://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/healthy_eating/portion_size.html
  6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 http://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/losing_weight/getting_started.html
  7. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/diet/obesity/10-ways-to-help-a-loved-one-lose-weight?page=2
  8. ↑ http://www.cdc.gov/healthyyouth/publications/pdf/pp-ch7.pdf
  9. ↑ http://umm.edu/health/medical/reports/articles/exercise
  10. ↑ http://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/physical_activity/
  11. ↑ http://www.healthline.com/health-news/4-ways-to-encourage-your-partner-to-live-healthy-060714#3
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