Improve Your Self Confidence Right Now

Feeling self-confident can be a challenge when in potentially difficult situations such as: engaging in a competitive sport, talking to a person you’d like to date, giving a speech, being around unfamiliar people, or speaking up in class. Luckily, you can increase your confidence in this very moment by thinking positively about yourself, thinking realistically about the situation, acting in a confident manner, and using techniques to manage any anxiety or nervousness you might have about the situation.

Steps

Building Positivity About Yourself

  1. Practice thinking positively. Let’s say you are preparing for a presentation at work or school. You want to feel self-assured and appear poised for the audience. However, you are not feeling as self-confident as you would like and you are worried that you might make a mistake. Positive thinking can greatly improve self-confidence and help you deal with any difficulties. This is due to the idea that how you think about yourself affects your behaviors.[1] If you think negatively (I am going to fail. This is too hard. I’m going to make a fool of myself), it increases the likelihood that you will display negative behaviors that you don’t want (i.e. stumbling over your words, sweating too much due to excessive nervousness, etc). If you think positively (I will succeed. This is completely do-able. I am going to do the best I can) it increases the chances of positive actions (speaking clearly and maintaining calm physiological responses).
    • Focus on the positive aspects about yourself and what you do well. Are you good at making people laugh? Perhaps you could use humor in your presentation to lighten the mood.
    • Quickly name as many positive qualities that you bring to the table as you can think of. Some examples might be: passion about the subject matter, level of education, ability to make people laugh, honesty, and persuasiveness.
  2. Affirm yourself through positive self-talk. Using positive affirmations and self-talk helps improve self-confidence and reduce cognitive anxiety.[2][1]
    • Use positive cues when feeling less confident such as, “I can do this! I am strong. Go!”[1]
  3. Ask for validation or feedback. Empowerment and positive thoughts about the self can be heightened through interactions with other people.[3]
    • Ask friend, family member, or coworker to give you a pep talk. Ask them to tell you what you are good at and that everything will be okay (give reassurance).
    • Be careful not to ask for help too much on tasks you can do on your own because this can increase dependence and reduce self-confidence.[3] Ask for validation, but continue to be self-reliant.

Being Realistic and Positive about the Situation

  1. Use guided imagery or visualization. Using imagery helps improve self-confidence.[2]
    • Try an imagery technique where you focus on achieving confidence. Visualize yourself as completely self-confident and accomplishing your goal. What are you doing? What Is going on around you? What does it feel like? Who is there? What you are thinking about?
  2. Be clear on your goals. Goal-setting increases self-confidence because it makes us feel like we are working toward something positive.[2] Focus on what goals you have for the current situation. For example, perhaps your goal in giving your presentation is to clearly explain your message, make sure you got your point across, and appear confident. The more goals you achieve, the more confident you may become.
    • Think about the purpose of the activity you are doing. Ask yourself, “What do I want to get out of this?”
    • Set specific goals for what you are about to do. Focus on achieving those goals instead of thinking about what might go wrong.
  3. Trust in a positive outcome. A self-fulfilling prophecy is where you believe that something negative will happen, and then you end up influencing that negative thing to occur.[4] For example, if you are so fearful of stumbling over your words, your anxiety about it could actually lead you to make this negative outcome a reality. If you think you are going to stumble, then your anxiety and nervousness increases, and your heart races, and then you cannot focus and you lose your train of thought.
    • Instead of focusing on the negative, focus on what you do want to happen – to speak clearly and get your message across. Think thoughts such as, "I'm going to go in there and be confident, calm, collected, and get my message out."
  4. Get another opinion. If you find yourself thinking negatively about the situation, try to find someone who will tell you otherwise. Successful people in the area in which you want to increase your confidence can serve as role models. We can learn from others, treat them as our mentors, and emulate their success and confidence.
    • If you don’t have someone readily available in person, you can call a friend to discuss the situation with.

Using Techniques to Manage Negative Emotions

  1. Act confident. Non-verbal communication is important to displaying confidence to others. Displaying behaviors that seem confident can also help you feel more confident on the inside.
    • Stand up straight and tall. Posture is an important nonverbal communication in terms of wanting to appear confident. Slouching and slumping over are signs of insecurity or depressed mood.
    • Smile and Laugh. This shows that you are comfortable and in a positive mood. It can help to set your audience at ease.
  2. Interact with others. Extroversion predicts self-confidence; the more social you are the more confident you may feel.[5] Instead of hiding or avoiding people because you feel nervous or insecure, try jumping right in and focusing on connecting with others.
    • Say hello to people before your presentation. Ask them about their day, and make small talk. Try to avoid discussing your presentation too much because this could increase your nervousness. Simply focus on the conversation you are having with the person.
  3. Accept your emotions. Common emotions associated with low self-confidence are: nervousness, anxiety, stress, fear, and depressed mood. If you accept these emotions instead of trying to fight them, you may be able to change your behavior and increase your confidence.
    • Say to yourself, “It’s okay to feel nervous. This is a natural emotional and is appropriate for this situation.”

Maintaining Your Self-Confidence

  1. Love yourself. Athletes, and possibly individuals in general, who have respect and love for themselves may tend to think more positively about their own behaviors.[6] Avoid basing your self-esteem on your behaviors or actions – this can lead to increased anxiety and less self-confidence. Instead, have unconditional positive regard for yourself.
    • Write down 5 things you love about yourself and read them aloud. Also try saying to yourself, “I love my self and I will never forget it.”
    • Accept who you are and what issues you have such as your difficulty with confidence. [7]
  2. Face your fears. We should try our best to not let fear be an obstacle to our success. Facing your fears is one of the best ways to get rid of them.
    • If you are worried about speaking in front of people, the more you practice it the less nervous you will be. Try practicing your speech in front of your family or friends before you do it in front of your designated audience; this can help you become more self-confident. Make sure you get feedback from your loved ones on your presentation so you can fix any issues before your big day!
  3. Continue to practice. Remember the goals that you set and continue to implement those goals every single day. Revise what went wrong and try to improve it.
    • Look at setbacks as opportunities to learn or to improve yourself.[8] This will increase your self-confidence in the long-term because you will have a better outlook in general about possible mistakes.


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Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 http://www.researchgate.net/profile/Zourbanos_Nikos/publication/222428460_Mechanisms_underlying_the_self-talkperformance_relationship_The_effects_of_motivational_self-talk_on_self-confidence_and_anxiety/links/09e41505ab44eb0cc0000000.pdf
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 http://www.researchgate.net/profile/George_Doganis/publication/247515539_The_Effects_of_a_Mental_Training_Program_on_Juniors_Pre-Competitive_Anxiety_Self-Confidence_and_Tennis_Performance/links/02e7e52d3a9169b59c000000.pdf
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 http://219.223.223.125/download/17881-1.pdf
  4. ↑ http://www.researchgate.net/profile/Steven_Shepherd/publication/51544683_Rewriting_the_Self-Fulfilling_Prophecy_of_Social_Rejection_Self-Affirmation_Improves_Relational_Security_and_Social_Behavior_up_to_2_Months_Later/links/53cfdbd20cf2f7e53cf838fc.pdf
  5. ↑ http://fatih.edu.tr/~hugur/self_confident/Personality,peer%20relations,%20and%20self-confidence%20as%20predictors%20of%20happiness%20and%20loneliness.PDF
  6. ↑ http://people.stfx.ca/x2009/x2009hxu/science.pdf
  7. ↑ http://www.researchgate.net/profile/Roland_Benabou/publication/244299280_SELF-CONFIDENCE_INTRAPERSONAL_STRATEGIES1/links/0c960529d2a101f0f8000000.pdf
  8. ↑ http://nrl.northumbria.ac.uk/3301/1/Wolfson_coping%20under%20pressure.pdf

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