Keep a Conversation Going

Keeping a conversation going takes certain skill, but once you know what to do, it is easy. This article will give you tips on how to keep a conversation going.

10 Second Summary

  • Listen to the other person and figure out what they want to talk about. More ↓
  • Ask questions, but avoid ones with "yes" or "no" answers. ↓
  • Avoid giving one-word answers. ↓
  • Act enthusiastic and interested. ↓
  • Defuse awkwardness by joking about it. ↓
  • Don't be afraid of going deeper. ↓

Steps

Conversation Help

Doc:Great Conversation Topics,Conversation Starters,List of Questions

Keeping Track of the Basics

  1. Keep track of what the other person is saying by being a good listener. A conversation is a free flow of ideas. Those ideas, however, should be interconnected. If you listen closely to what the other person is saying, you'll be able to store away nuggets of information that will keep the conversation going.
  2. Get a feel for what the other person wants to talk about. Different people like talking about different things. Finding what the other person enjoys talking about could mean the difference between a humming conversation and a faltering one.
    • Take what you already know about the person into consideration. People like talking about what they know. If you know any of the following things about a person, that's a good start:
      • Their job/career
      • Their passion/hobby
      • Their family/friends
      • Their heritage/history
    • Use the things you know about the person to steer a conversation. If, for example, you know that the person you're talking to rides bulls for a living, ask them about other bull riders, or cowboy culture, or what it was like the first time they rode.
  3. Stay aware of what's going on in the world. When you run out of things to talk about in a conversation, it can be helpful to talk about other things that are going on in the world.
    • Saying something like "Hey, did you hear what's going on in Australia? The Prime Minister there has just been indicted on three counts of robbery. Can you believe it?" is a good way to get a person's attention and continue the conversation.
  4. Make sure your body language is saying the right things. People listen to your words and your body language when you're talking to them. In fact, the 7%-38%-55% rule, developed by Dr. Albert Mehrabian, states that what we say only accounts for 7% of whether we are liked by a person, whereas our body language accounts for 55% of whether we are liked.[citation needed] Some tips for you as you continue to work on your body language:
    • Don't cross your arms — or your legs. This can come off as haughty to the other person.
    • Maintain good eye contact without staring. Meeting and smiling at another person's eyes is a good thing; staring at the person so long that they feel uncomfortable is not.
    • Keep your shoulders relaxed. Tension in your body can manifest as tension in your shoulders. If another person spots that tension, they're more likely to be ill at ease.
    • Nod every so often and lean forward. Nodding tells your conversational partner that you're keeping along, while leaning forward communicates that you're interested in the person.
    • Face the other person and don't fidget. Give your undivided attention to the other person by facing them. Show them that you're zoned into the conversation by not fidgeting.
  5. Project confidence. It's no secret that other people are naturally attracted to individuals who have confidence. It may seem unfair, but it's a fact of life: people will judge you based on your own internal confidence. If your confidence level is high and you're fun to be around, people will cut you breaks when conversation slacks, or make up for lulls in the conversation by trying harder themselves.
  6. Be prepared for the conversation to hit road bumps along the way. It happens to the best of conversationalists sometimes. You'll accidentally say something you probably shouldn't have, or you'll simply run out of things to say. This is normal; don't beat yourself up about it.
    • If this happens, smile at the other person and look them in the eye. Reassure them with your body language that the bump in the conversation doesn't mean you dislike them or don't want to be there. Wait for the conversation to rev back up, which it naturally does.

Getting in a Rhythm

  1. Ask good questions. People love talking about themselves. If you can find something the other person is interested in, a simple question could have them talking for quite a while. Never underestimate a person's willingness to talk about themselves.
    • This is where the listening part really comes into play. If you don't take mental note of what the other person said, it's going to be hard to use those conversational nuggets as reference points when you're asking questions.
  2. Avoid asking simple "yes/no" questions. A yes/no question is a conversation killer, because it allows people to take the easy way out and give only the bare minimum when answering a question. Ask more from your conversationalist when posing a question.
    • Instead of asking the question "So, you studied a year abroad in 2006, is that right?" try asking "What was it like studying abroad in 2006?" The second question will give the person you're talking to more to answer with.
    • But if you automatically ask "Did you study abroad in 2006?" and they say "Yeah, I did," you can smile and say, "Really? What was that like?" Again, road bumps happen to the best of us, but thankfully recovery's not too difficult. This doesn't mean that you can never ask a yes/no question (some things really are that simple) but if you do then you should have a way to build on it and keep the conversation going.
  3. Never answer questions with only one word. Just as important as knowing that asking a simple yes/no question is not the greatest way to keep a conversation going, know that answering with a simple "yes" or "maybe" will kill the conversation immediately. Instead, give the person the benefit of elaborating if they ever ask you a simple question.
  4. Put extra enthusiasm into your questions when asking about another person. It's not so much faking enthusiasm as psyching yourself up when asking a question. It's not exactly hard to do, and it makes the other person feel appreciated.
  5. Call attention to awkwardness in a joking manner to defuse it. Maybe the conversation was died down a bit and silence has taken over. Comment on it in a joking manner. This brings the awkwardness out front and center, making it suddenly something neither of you are afraid of.
    • Say something like: "I don't really mind talking about the weather, but we exhausted that pretty quickly. I'd much rather talk about you." Then ask them a question, such as "What's the most impulsive thing you've done in the last couple of years?"
  6. Don't be afraid to go deep. Although it's difficult to do well, many people enjoy bringing their conversation to a deeper level because it's satisfying and makes them happier. If you get the sense that the person you're talking with enjoys more than superficial talk, don't be afraid to go there with a pointed question.
    • Go deep after you've gotten the formalities out of the way. Starting off deep isn't recommended. A conversation is like a meal: you want to get your appetizers out of the way first before you dig into the main course and the dessert.

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