Know if You Are Heterosexual

Human sexuality is extremely complex. While some people develop a clear understanding of their sexual identity at a very early age, this can be a lifelong process for others. It is normal to have questions about your own sexual orientation. If you are not sure whether or not you are heterosexual (straight), it can help to explore your feelings, talk to someone you trust (like a teacher, counselor, family member, or friend), and educate yourself about different aspects of sexual orientation and identity.

Steps

Exploring Your Feelings

  1. Determine whether you feel attracted to people of the opposite gender. Even if you have never had a romantic or sexual relationship with another person, you may have had feelings of sexual or romantic attraction toward other people. Think about people you have been attracted to, whether they are people you know personally, celebrities, or even fictional characters.[1]
    • If you find that all or most of the people you are/have been attracted to are of a different gender from you, there is a good chance you are straight.
  2. Assess whether you feel comfortable dating someone of the opposite gender. Think about your close relationships with others, whether they are platonic, romantic, or sexual. Take a moment to ask yourself how you feel about those relationships, without judging or over-analyzing those feelings. Consider which relationships have felt most comfortable (safe, fulfilling, happy) to you.[1]
    • Do you feel any romantic or sexual attraction toward your close friends of the opposite gender? If so, ask yourself how you would feel about dating any of those people.
    • How do you feel about any romantic and sexual encounters you have had with people of the opposite gender, or with people of the same gender, if you’ve had them? Did you enjoy them and feel fulfilled by them? Make note of which relationships you feel the most positive about, and ask yourself how much the gender of the other person may have contributed to that feeling.
  3. Use your imagination. Picture yourself in romantic or sexual situations with people of different genders. Let your mind take you where it wants to go without overthinking things or judging yourself. Think about how you feel when you imagine these situations:[1]
    • If you primarily enjoy imagining yourself with people of a different gender from yourself, you may be heterosexual.
    • If you feel happy and excited when you imagine yourself exclusively in straight relationships or situations, then this may also be a sign that you are heterosexual.
  4. Imagine yourself with different sexual identities. Sexual orientation is not black and white. Think of it as a sliding scale from straight (heterosexual) to gay, with bisexual somewhere in the middle.[2] Some people think of themselves as straight even if they occasionally feel attracted to (or have even had relationships with) people of the same gender, and some people consider themselves gay even if they have felt some attraction to/had relationships with people of another gender. What’s most important is how you think of yourself.[3]
    • Try writing down, or saying to yourself out loud, “I am heterosexual,” or “I am straight.” How do you feel when you refer to yourself this way? Does it feel comfortable to you?

Talking It Out

  1. Talk to a close friend about your sexual orientation. Sometimes it can help to talk things over with someone who may be going through the same process and asking the same questions as you. Tell a friend you trust about the questions you have, and ask them about their own experiences, if they feel comfortable talking about it.
    • If you know your friend is comfortable talking about their sexuality, try asking something like, “When did you first figure out that you are straight/gay/bisexual? How did you know?”
  2. Find a forum where you can talk about sexual identity issues. Look for a moderated forum where you can communicate (anonymously, if you prefer) with other people who are also seeking answers about their sexuality. If you’d rather not join the discussion, just reading other people’s conversations about the topic can be helpful. Try starting with the Sexual and Gender Issues forum at PsychCentral: https://forums.psychcentral.com/sexual-gender-issues/
  3. Talk to a counselor. Get Counselling (psychologist, clinical social worker, or counselor) to talk about your sexual identity questions. They may be able to help you gain insights into your sexuality, or point you in the direction of some helpful resources.[4]

Educating Yourself

  1. Read books about human sexuality and sexual orientation. This can be a great way to gain a deeper understanding of your own sexuality. If you are a teen or young adult searching for answers, you may wish to try one of these books:
    • 100 Questions You’d Never Ask Your Parents: Straight Answers to Teens’ Questions About Sex, Sexuality, and Health, by Elisabeth Henderson and Nancy Armstrong, MD.
    • S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-To-Know Sexuality Guide to Get You Through Your Teens and Twenties, by Heather Corinna.
  2. Explore educational websites that address sexuality issues. Organizations dedicated to researching human sexuality and providing resources relating to sexual and reproductive health often provide free educational materials on their websites. Try exploring one of these websites to learn more about sexual orientation:
  3. Take a class on sexuality. If you are in school, you may be able to sign up for a course on sexuality, or you may be able to audit a course at a local college. You may also be able to find free or affordable online courses about sexual identity. For example, check out the freely available online course materials for MIT’s introduction to Sexual and Gender Identities here: https://ocw.mit.edu/courses/womens-and-gender-studies/wgs-110j-sexual-and-gender-identities-spring-2016/

Tips

  • Don’t worry if you don’t figure it out right away. Understanding your sexuality can be a lifelong journey.
  • Remember that only you can determine your own sexual identity. Don’t let anyone else try to give you a label or force you into a box that you don’t feel comfortable with.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 http://teenhealthsource.com/giso/understanding-sexual-orientation-gender-identity/
  2. ↑ https://www.kinseyinstitute.org/research/publications/kinsey-scale.php
  3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-sexual-continuum/201309/what-does-it-mean-be-mostly-heterosexual
  4. ↑ http://sydney.edu.au/dam/students/documents/learn-to-understand-sexuality.pdf

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