Leave the Mormon Church Gracefully

This article is mostly written for single adults. Leaving the church if you are married or have a family may be extremely difficult for you and upsetting to others because your decision affects not just you but other people as well.

Steps

  1. Think long and hard about what you are deciding to do. When you decide to leave the Mormon church, outline your reasons very clearly in your mind and have confidence in your decision. If you're certain that you'll never want to re-join the Church, write a letter to the Bishop and request to have your name removed from church records.
  2. Write out a list of reasons why you are leaving the church. Sometimes it helps to have something solid to look at when Mormon family and friends try to convince you otherwise of your decisions.
  3. Do some research on the actual doctrines and practices of the Church over time. Many people find it is much easier to leave the church once they come to a solid decision.
  4. Many ex-Mormons and people considering leaving the church find it helpful to seek out and talk to or read blogs and articles by others who have left the church. Doing so is a good way to expand your understanding of the church and strengthen your resolve. There are many websites, archives, and blogs on the internet which you can turn to to find a diverse and supportive community of people willing to help you make the transition out of the church.
  5. Don't try to explain to others why you are leaving. Attempting to help them understand your reasons is likely to only result in frustration and increased friction with the Mormons who remain in your life. Faith does not rely on facts, so presenting evidence to people determined to believe is generally a waste of time and energy.
  6. Stop going to church activities. When invited by members to attend, decline politely. If they insist, tell them you'll think about it and then give it some actual thought, but always remain true to yourself.
  7. Tell those who ask about you that you appreciate their concern and that you are searching your heart to make decisions that are right for you. Be friendly, but politely and assertively tell them that you will no longer be attending church activities or functions.
  8. Find something to do that makes you feel good on days you would normally go to church related activities and programs. Talk to people about your feelings if you're feeling guilty/upset. Ask yourself why you feel that way.
  9. If you made a final decision, write a letter to Church Records. Make sure to include your full name, your date of birth, your current address and today’s date. Address your letter to: Member Records Division, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 50 E North Temple Room 1372, Salt Lake City UT 84150-5310. (Actually you should address it to the Bishop of your ward. If you send it to Salt Lake they will most likely refer you back to your Bishop anyway.) An example is one written below:
    • This letter is my formal resignation, effective immediately, from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I hereby withdraw my consent to being treated as a member and I withdraw my consent to being subject to church rules, policies, beliefs and 'discipline'. As I am no longer a member, I want my name permanently removed from the membership rolls of the church.
      I have given this matter considerable thought. I understand the 'seriousness' and 'consequences' of my actions. I am aware that the church handbook says that my resignation "cancels the effects of baptism and confirmation, withdraws the priesthood held by a male member and revokes temple blessings". I also understand that I will be "readmitted to the church by baptism only after a thorough interview". (Church Handbook of Instructions)
      My resignation should be processed immediately, without any 'waiting periods'. I have made up my mind and cannot be dissuaded. I expect my request to be handled promptly, respectfully and with confidentiality.
      As of today, the only contact I wish from the church is a single letter of confirmation to let me know that I am no longer a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
      Sincerely, your signature followed by your printed name.

Tips

  • The Bishop over the ward where you currently live has a Handbook of instructions that tells him exactly what to do when he receives your letter. This is in a section called “Name Removal.”

Warnings

  • People from church may occasionally try to reestablish contact with you over the years. Politely explain you're not interested. If they persist, and you feel you are being urged to engage in debate, tell them politely that you are not interested and have moved on with your life.
  • Mormons often say that people leave the church due to being offended by members although the doctrine is sound. A common phrase is "The church may be true, even though the people are not." Be prepared to hear this.
  • Be prepared for the dynamic between you and your Mormon friends to change once it becomes known that you have formally left the church. When you are considered "inactive", church members remain friendly, patient and supportive in the hope of bringing you back into full activity. Once you have your name removed, you are viewed as an apostate. Formerly warm relationships will cool or end. This is a painful, but unavoidable stage of the separation process. As you develop new friendships and associations that pain fades.
  • You have the right to have your name officially removed from the church records. You do not need to see the bishop, or submit to any conditions imposed by the Church.
  • The Church's "Handbook of Instruction" states that name-removal should not be used as an alternative to church discipline, and that any such request should not be processed while disciplinary procedures are underway. This is (in most jurisdictions) illegal and unconstitutional, however; successful lawsuits have been brought against the church for refusing name-removal on such grounds.
  • Understand that re-admission to the LDS Church by baptism is only after a "thorough interview" according to the Church Handbook of Instructions.
  • Make sure your decision is just that, yours. You shouldn't let your family or friends make this decision for you. Your family should have more love for you (the person). And even if they don't love you or respect your decision, it is ultimately nobody's decision but yours.

Things You'll Need

  • Supportive friends or family.
  • A piece of paper and a pen.

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