Leave the Old Apostolic Lutheran Church

Laestadian churches such as the Old Apostolic Lutheran Church tend to be strongly exclusive and shun members who decide to leave. The loss of community can be very painful. This article is not intended to encourage members to leave, but rather to help those who have already decided to leave.

Most members of these types of churches {the First Apostolic Lutheran Church (FALC), the Laestadian Lutheran Church (LLC/SRK), and Independent Apostolic Lutheran Church (IALC) are others} are born into them. Leaving can be a long and arduous process, and it can take years of decompressing to feel like you are able to escape the indoctrination. Good luck, and know that there are many others out there like you.

Steps

  1. Don't tell anyone you are leaving. As soon as other members know, the shaming and shunning may begin, so wait until you have a support system in place before you tell anyone why you "don't come around anymore."
  2. Build a support system to help you adjust to life outside the church. You may want to consult a therapist, visit an online community of former members, and join a group based on a hobby or shared ethnic heritage. In time, you may want to join a new faith community.
  3. Take it slow. Understand that you will feel ambivalent about the church, its members, and its teachings. You are free to question everything. Allow yourself time to develop a new philosophy and don't be tempted by new dogma.
  4. Face your fears. You were indoctrinated in a rigid belief system, and it will take time to sort out the fact from the fiction, the good from the bad, the love from the fear. Trust that your doubts are there to teach you, not to condemn you.
  5. Learn about faith's history and heritage. The more you know about its past, the more you will see its sociological context. Check out the many resources online about Laestadianism, fundamentalism, and the Sami.
  6. Forgive those who shun you. They do it out of fear. Don't feel like you have to answer questions or explain yourself. Protect your emerging identity from scrutiny as you discover who you are and who you want to be.
  7. Practice moderation. It may be tempting to make up for lost time in exploring previously forbidden activities, including sports, music, television, dancing, and alcohol. Play safe and don't do anything you wouldn't want to tell your grandchildren about.
  8. Travel widely. The more of the world you see, the more confident you will be in your decision, and the bigger your social network will be.
  9. Be thankful. When tempted to be bitter about your past, remember that it could have been a lot worse, and you have the rest of your life to live differently.
  10. Be generous. Use your expanded sense of community to reach out to others in need. You will never be happier than when you are using your gifts to help others, and you will be too busy to be bitter.
  11. If you are female and want to cut your hair for the first time, consider donating it to Locks of Love. If you are male and want to wear a necktie, tattoo or earring, give yourself a year to see if the desire fades.
  12. Understand that you may feel you don't belong anywhere: Apostolic society nor American "mainstream" culture. This is a universal phenomenon and not unique to Laestadianism. It helps to talk to others who have been there and understand, whether they have left the OALC or some other kind of fundamentalism. Seek them out.
  13. Pursue knowledge. For anyone leaving a fundamentalist community, pursuing formal and informal education is important step towards self-improvement and expanding your worldview.

Warnings

  • You will likely lose family, friends, social and employment networks. You may be cut out of inheritance. Your children may lose their grandparents and extended family. If you are divorcing, child custody issues could be at stake. Consider whether this is a good time to leave, and consult a therapist. Every situation is unique.
  • Other wisdom traditions and worldviews will seem strange at first. You may want to take a few years to discover yourself before joining or creating a new community. Research other faith and non-faith traditions, talk to practitioners, and visit places of worship or study. You may be surprised at what fulfills your needs.
  • Remaining in the same locality may be difficult. Be prepared to move. Many former members gravitate to urban centers; you are most likely to find support from them there.
  • Shaming and shunning can be devastating for children. Consider counseling for your children. Teach them how to defend themselves and make it clear to your OALC family and friends that you will not tolerate emotional abuse. You cannot prevent shunning but you can choose how to react. OALC families are frequently split when a family member turns to "unbelief," but some members of the family may choose to continue contact. Cherish those connections.

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Sources and Citations

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